To have left the 12 week old crying for 30 mins

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

Baby will not nap and is over tired. I've spent all morning feeding, rocking, patting, bouncy chair with music, having her in the sling. The only thing that makes her quiet is feeding but she does not go to sleep and screams when I drop. she scratched my chest to bits and was not happy in the sling. I've basically ignored older sibling for that time, which is really unfair on him. I have no one else who can have either of them, so I've had to put her down and accept that she is going to cry persistently, because I need to give older child some attention.

AIBU? I feel terrible but please I do not need the attachment parenting lobby to come on here and shout at me for daring to have a second child or something.

Yabvu. Pick your baby up. Feed the baby. Cuddle the baby. You chose to have the baby! I know it’s hard with two but you don’t need to ignore the needs of one to cater to the other. At least put the baby in a sling and keep on your chest even if she is screaming, so she knows she feels loved. The less secure she feels, the more she will cry.

@crispysausagerolls

Stop shaming others for their choices. Honestly, you sound like the type of person that shames someone for:

• not breastfeeding because you 'found it sore but I enjoyed it- being a mum is about sacrifices!'
• complaining that their baby doesn't sleep through because you 'found it tough but I enjoyed it- being a mum is about sacrifices!'

etc.

You sound insufferable and haven't came on here to be helpful. You just want to act like you're the best mum in the world (which I also assure you- you aren't). Give over.

Yabvu. Pick your baby up. Feed the baby. Cuddle the baby. You chose to have the baby! I know it’s hard with two but you don’t need to ignore the needs of one to cater to the other. At least put the baby in a sling and keep on your chest even if she is screaming, so she knows she feels loved. The less secure she feels, the more she will cry.

What a load of cobblers. Babies do not need to be held constantly. Sometimes they need to be put down, and making mums feel like shit for doing things that need to be done is really low.

@crispysausagerolls

Just to add.. yes they can start having solids and food from 6 months.. you do know its still recommended that milk is their main food source until 12 months right? You want OP to just carry this on for another 9 months (may not be the case.. but it could be..). So no. It might not be short term.

I HATE people who criticise dummies.
If you want to come settle my child after 30mins of screaming or a 3am wake up call without one.. be my guest.

pepepig

I’m sorry if I touched a nerve somehow with my comments 🤷🏻‍♀️ Obviously lack of sleep is shit. And not everyone gets on with breastfeeding (being brutally honest yes I would judge people who don’t try).

It’s ironic to make a completely judgemental (and incorrect) comment about me whilst simultaneously telling me off about judging. Everyone judges.

My comment was much tamer than I wanted to be, given what I really think about OP leaving a baby to scream for 30 mins, but enough posters piled on her for that so I thought I would just make the comment, as entitled, that way too many fucking people rely on a dummy. You sound very defensive tbh.

I personally think 30 minutes is a bit long.

*Just to add.. yes they can start having solids and food from 6 months.. you do know its still recommended that milk is their main food source until 12 months right? You want OP to just carry this on for another 9 months (may not be the case.. but it could be..). So no. It might not be short term.

I HATE people who criticise dummies.
If you want to come settle my child after 30mins of screaming or a 3am wake up call without one.. be my guest*

But from 6 months since they start weaning their schedule changes and they do tend to become less breast focussed. But thanks for the education 😁

Don’t need to come to your house to comfort your screaming child, managed to do it with my own.

Everyone judges.

Yes, that’s true, but most of us know how to employ decent judgement about what’s worth judging.

Honestly it’s ridiculous how sensitive people are to dummies being criticised.

Don’t need to come to your house to comfort your screaming child, managed to do it with my own.

And please don’t come to mine. My child is fussy.

churchandstate

Purely subjective statement

Haven’t RTFT but hope the OP isn’t getting too piled on. OP, either plonk your bum on the sofa, feed the baby and watch telly with the older one OR put the baby in a sling / pram and go for a walk. This too will pas xx

LOL churchandstate I dislike a plastic fucking object and you are making personal digs at me and somehow I am the judgemental one 😂😂😂

Completely unreasonable. I have an 18 week old and don't leave to cry as I can't.

Purely subjective statement

Yup. Do you have some form of omniscience that the rest of us are lacking, or is it misplaced arrogance?

a plastic fucking object

Did somebody do something unmentionable to you with a dummy? You are taking the idea of another parent choosing to use a particular soothing aid to help their baby very personally.

YANBU. She's safe, she's fed, and it sounds like she'd be crying whatever you do. Sometimes you have to preserve your own sanity.

Deep breaths and if it carries on I recommend going for a walk, if she doesn't sleep at least you'll be sharing the noise!! Good luck OP.

Says the person who made the sweeping statement about everyone’s judgements.

Look, I don’t want to derail OP’s thread. Just saying OP, dummy not always the best answer. Hopefully the baby Björn helps!

@crispysausagerolls
Yay for you.
Congratulations

But unless you're some expert in settling every bloody baby, don't criticise the way people choose to settle their babies.
Not sensitive to you criticising it.. just think you aren't really in a position to judge.

Again. as for weaning. Every child is different and no, some will still prefer breast.

Did somebody do something unmentionable to you with a dummy

This did make me lol! I just don’t like them! Can’t help it 🤷🏻‍♀️ Wanted to offer another opinion, and now I have I’m off😘

Crispysausagerolls how old are your dc? I'm guessing quite young.

Seriously in years to come literally no one will remember or give a shit if your baby had a dummy, or if you left the baby to cry when at the end of your tether, or whether you bf.

Seriously having a baby can be hard and you do whatever you need to to get by.

Come back in a few years when you're dealing with teenage hormones and see how much it matters.

You definitely haven't touched a nerve with your comments. My baby is very laid back and she doesn't need a dummy, so you aren't making me feel bad. However, I realise that my child is definitely a lot easier than most babies, and so I can sympathise with those mums and try and make them feel better, rather than judging and making them feel worse. My next baby might be hard work- I'd never make someone feel like crap just because I was lucky enough to get it easy the first time round.

You were more than happy to judge those who used a dummy, yet you don't seem to have liked it much when I judged you back. Not a nice feeling, is it? Someone online telling you you aren't as good of a mum as you think you are?

OP posted, asking for help. To me, that implies she knew 30 minutes wasn't right and just needed advice on how to handle it. I'd much rather a mum post, ask for help, and not do it again, than read these threads, realise that Mumsnet is full of pig-headed martyrs who won't accept anything other than perfection, and thus not bother asking for help and continue to struggle alone. Both mum and baby suffer that way.

PS: You should never, ever judge anyone for not trying to breast feed. It's a disgusting thing to do, and none of your business.

My above post was for @crispysausagerolls, btw (if that wasn't obvious)

@PepePig

Totally agree.
Breastfeeding is a choice. Don't be a judgemental prick because people have made a choice suited to them about how they feed their baby.
My guess is @crispysausagerolls had a nightmare child and a dummy just didn't cut it

Yanbu IF it's not a daily thing. You have did everything to comfort baby and needed a break to recharge. She/he was in a safe place. Had a fully tummy and clean nappy and wasnt sore with wind. Then I dont think it was unreasonable. However if its happening daily then I think that's too long to leave anyone to cry. It's hard having a baby and a toddler.....have been there. I read an article that stuck with me that said the best way to help a clingy baby was to clingy back more (easier said than done).....they learn u are always going to be there and develop the confidence to be on their own because they know that mum is there when needed. Rather than trying to get a baby to self settle before they are ready and u end up in a cycle of them wanting u versus u encouraging self settling and the battle begins. Get on her page and she might learn she has u and doesn't need to cry for u. If that makes sense......having said that I did this with my youngest and let's just say the first 3 years aged me significantly. Good luck. All u can do is your best.