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Original poster

To be hurt by friends suggestion. Helpful or just plain homophobic?

187 replies

OreoCheeseCake · 07/11/2019 10:55

Hi,

Bit of background- we're in the process of trying to sell our house and well....it ain't selling.

We're getting increasingly frustrated and it's kind of taking over our lives! We have a lot of viewings, great feed back (usually) and then nothing. People have never mentioned price, only in a positive way and we've already reduced twice and are definitely competitively priced.

Anyway, my DP is a woman and we got married last year. Like most married couples, we have wedding photos scattered around the house. Not loads, not that that should be a problem, but just to explain, we only have 3 or 4.

I have to be honest, it has occasionally crossed my mind before viewings that people might be prejudice, but in their minds, not in their actions. I.e, not making an offer because they're anti gay Confused

I was explaining my frustration to a close friend of mine recently and she suggested we should maybe consider taking our wedding photos down before a viewing, in case it's putting people off Hmm

She tried to soften her words by saying how wrong that would be if it were the case, but that the bottom line is we want to sell our house, so maybe we should just give it a go.

My initial reaction was shock, but then wondered if she had a point...

She can't, can she? Could anyone be that homophobic that they wouldn't want to live in a house that had been occupied by lesbians?!

I feel really hurt.

Every time I look at our photos now, I feel sad. Like they've been tainted. It's such a horrible suggestion. It's taken me right back to when I used to hide all the time.

Could there really be any sense in what she's saying?

TIA

OP posts:
FrivolousPancake · 08/11/2019 12:08

Erm nope I never said how are you allowed to think it...Confused
I asked why is it ok for it to cross your mind but it’s not ok for it to cross your friends mind?

Can’t to see the hypocrisy at all?
Are you looking to be offended?
Perhaps projecting the homophobia of others onto your friend?

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 08/11/2019 12:17

But it DIDN'T cross my mind. I've made that clear several times now. She suggested taking them down because the fact we are a same sex couple might put people off. Plus thinking something and actually saying it are very different, but again, I didn't think it anyway! I don't need to defend myself here. You just haven't read my OP properly and are now trying to justify your unnecessary outrage.

And am I looking to be offended? Hmm Yes, of course. I'm one of those. You really don't have a clue.

OP posts:
FrivolousPancake · 08/11/2019 12:20

Plus thinking something and actually saying it are very different

Oh fgs 🙄

Okay OP, your friend is a disgusting homophobe. Poor you, there there.

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 08/11/2019 12:25

Anyway, to those who are trying to be helpful with the advice about the house, thank you.

We actually don't have any clutter anywhere, have neutral colours throughout and everywhere is clean and tidy (for the viewings anyway Wink )We do have dogs, but remove their beds and I've asked the EAs several times to be brutally honest and tell me if there's dog smell, but they always insist there isn't. It's something I'm very paranoid about, so I do my best to keep everywhere extra fresh.

OP posts:
Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 08/11/2019 12:29

Wtf is your problem @FrivolousPancake?!

Funny how you haven't acknowledged your error. God knows what your problem is. You're just completely wrong.

OP posts:
Oppopotomouse · 08/11/2019 12:31

OP Flowers. I'm not sure Mumsnet is the right place to necessarily ask ATM. Half the posters seem incapable of reading an OP and retaining the information until they write their reply.Confused

FrivolousPancake · 08/11/2019 12:37

I haven’t made an error, you had both had a similar thought but she dared to vocalize it so you’re trying to paint her as a homophobe. Your own friend.
It really baffles belief tbh.

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/11/2019 12:38

I do think you are being a tad unreasonable.

You said yourself it had been on your mind people might be put off seeing you as a lesbian couple then when you mention it to a friend and she agrees with you, you are shocked

Are you one of those people who ask people to be honest but when people are you get offended so in the end surround yourself with people who only agree with you.

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 08/11/2019 12:48

Ah, so now it's "similar thoughts". You have made an error.

@Oliviasmumsarmy, are you one of those people who ask are you one of those people way too much?...

Another who hasn't read my OP properly.

@Oppopotomouse, well apparently some, yes.

OP posts:
FrivolousPancake · 08/11/2019 12:52

So anyone who doesn’t agree with you “hasn’t read the OP”

And anyone who dares to vocalize similar thoughts to you is a homophobe.

Quite disgusting and dangerous way to think OP.
I really feel for your friend.

MyGoodTimes · 08/11/2019 12:55

Sadly, in 2019 homophobia is still a problem. I doubt it is the reason your house is not selling though. Has your EA asked viewers why they are not bidding on it or if there was aspects they did not like? If people are waiting for Brexit to happen, sellers will need to be in it for the long haul. Grin

woodchuck99 · 08/11/2019 12:57

I can see why OP was shocked and hurt. It is one thing to know that some people are prejudiced but the idea that there could be a lot of people who are so homophobic that they wouldn't even buy a house off a same sex couple is pretty shocking in this day and age.

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 08/11/2019 13:01

@FrivolousPancake Grin Yep. You've got me pegged. Disgusting? Wow.

People who disagree after they've understood the situation properly, because yes, they've read the OP, can disagree all they like, but from what you've said, you obviously haven't, so your opinion is actually irrelevant.

OP posts:
FrivolousPancake · 08/11/2019 13:05

You’re looking to be offended and for some reason trying to blame your friend.

I have read and understood your OP and along with many others pointed out your hypocrisy.
Rather than examine your own projections you’re determined to wave us all off as people who can’t read properly. And your friend as homophobic
It’s a shame you’re not getting the full value of your post but hopefully some of it has subconsciously sunk, for your friends sake.

pooopypants · 08/11/2019 13:06

When we bought our house there was a huge wedding photo of the previous owners and it made me uncomfortable, not for any reason I can name. There was nothing odd about it in paper, I think it was more the 'stamp' that it gave the house. People like to imagine their family there, their own mark on the place.

I'd recommend trying to make it less personal and more blank canvas thoigh, let people use their imaginations when viewing.

I do agree that all this Brexit bollocks has more to do with it than the fact you're a same sex couple. That said, some people are just wankers.

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 08/11/2019 13:13

Looking to be offended? Oh here we go Hmm

So let's say for example, you were in an interracial relationship, something which wasn't really acceptee not that long ago and your friend suggested that maybe you should take your wedding photos down, because it might be putting off potential buyers, would you be offended? Or would you be "looking to be offended"?

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 08/11/2019 13:17

I read your op perfectly well

You said

I have to be honest, it has occasionally crossed my mind before viewings that people might be prejudice, but in their minds, not in their actions

But actions come from your mind so I am unsure what exactly you are getting at.

You then said

I was explaining my frustration to a close friend of mine recently and she suggested we should maybe consider taking our wedding photos down before a viewing, in case it's putting people off

So you were thinking it and friend vocalised it.

You then go on to say you wondered if she had a point.

I am not sure how else I am supposed to read what you have written

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 08/11/2019 13:18

And just to add, in the above analogy, if maybe the thought had crossed your mind that people may judge you because of your 'unconventional' relationship (NOT not buy your house) because you've been physically attacked for the colour of your skin, would you understand more?

OP posts:
woodchuck99 · 08/11/2019 13:19

Unless there is a back story I don't think your friend's comment suggests she is homophobic. Surely she would be friends with you if that was the case. It probably does mean that she knows some very homophobic people though or she wouldn't consider this possibility.

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/11/2019 13:21

In your analogy if I had been thinking it and a friend confirmed my suspicions I would be grateful to them for confirming my thoughts

I am from an immigrant family so I don’t have to think outside the box and I know not to have photos up when selling a place.

But I wouldn’t have photos up regardless

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 08/11/2019 13:22

Jeez, no I wasn't thinking it @Oliviasmumsarmy. I was explaining my frustration at not selling the house.

OP posts:
DameSylvieKrin · 08/11/2019 13:23

Leave them up so the homophobes can self-select out now rather than at a later, less convenient stage.

AhNowTed · 08/11/2019 13:31

The advice from the House Doctor is no family photos (yeah I still watch that show!).

Buyers need to be able to see themselves living in your house and your personal photos create a mental block.

Unfortunately as she says buyers have no imagination and can't see past your personal effects.

HTH.

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 08/11/2019 13:40

Just wanted to say thank you again to all the posters who are just offering advice. I do appreciate it, but unfortunately have been side tracked somewhat.

OP posts:
animalprintfree · 08/11/2019 17:52

People don't buy (or sell) houses for all sorts of stupid reasons. I've never considered the possibility that homophobia might affect that decision but I know that racism can, so it seems entirely possible. Sounds like your friend was trying to be helpful.

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