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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be hurt by friends suggestion. Helpful or just plain homophobic?

187 replies

OreoCheeseCake · 07/11/2019 10:55

Hi,

Bit of background- we're in the process of trying to sell our house and well....it ain't selling.

We're getting increasingly frustrated and it's kind of taking over our lives! We have a lot of viewings, great feed back (usually) and then nothing. People have never mentioned price, only in a positive way and we've already reduced twice and are definitely competitively priced.

Anyway, my DP is a woman and we got married last year. Like most married couples, we have wedding photos scattered around the house. Not loads, not that that should be a problem, but just to explain, we only have 3 or 4.

I have to be honest, it has occasionally crossed my mind before viewings that people might be prejudice, but in their minds, not in their actions. I.e, not making an offer because they're anti gay

I was explaining my frustration to a close friend of mine recently and she suggested we should maybe consider taking our wedding photos down before a viewing, in case it's putting people off

She tried to soften her words by saying how wrong that would be if it were the case, but that the bottom line is we want to sell our house, so maybe we should just give it a go.

My initial reaction was shock, but then wondered if she had a point...

She can't, can she? Could anyone be that homophobic that they wouldn't want to live in a house that had been occupied by lesbians?!

I feel really hurt.

Every time I look at our photos now, I feel sad. Like they've been tainted. It's such a horrible suggestion. It's taken me right back to when I used to hide all the time.

Could there really be any sense in what she's saying?

TIA

OP posts:

MrsAgassi · 07/11/2019 11:27

When we sold our last house the agent told us to de personalise it, sounds as though the advice isn’t uncommon. I didn’t and don’t have many photos on display anyway so I was a bit surprised at the time.

I doubt very much that you being in a same sex marriage is putting people off, whilst there are some homophobic people around I doubt very much that they make up the majority of people that have viewed your house!

Ask the agent to get honest feedback, people are often reluctant to say negative things about people’s homes unless specifically asked.

Original poster

OreoCheeseCake · 07/11/2019 11:28

Yes, @NoSauce, but I thought that was just my paranoia, as unfortunately we have had a lot of shit over the years.

I refused to listen to my paranoia though and kept them up.

I think my friends suggestion has hurt so much because things like this make you feel like you're never really moving forward.

OP posts:

plunkplunkfizz · 07/11/2019 11:29

Why is your friend getting stick when you say it crossed your mind first? The reality is, even if most people wouldn’t care tuppence, there will be one or two bigots who would be put off by that. They may have come to your house or they may not.

Perhaps you need to think about making a blank canvas generally, not just in terms of wedding photos. My DH struggles to see beyond what a room looks like when he sees it so a bedroom can’t possible become a dining room, a nursery a study, and so on.

honeyloops · 07/11/2019 11:29

YANBU to feel that, if what your friend was suggesting was true, it was very hurtful - I'd hope to god in 2019 that people wouldn't be so disgusting, although like PPs, I don't think it's beyond the realms of possibility.

However, I think your friend meant well - and is just pointing out that unfortunately, there are still those vile people around. Having said that, I very much doubt that's why your house isn't selling - my family have had an amazingly situated, recently renovated house with bigger plot than any on its street and location close to all the best-performing schools in the area on the market at a competitive (for the area, it's quite expensive, although we've dropped the price twice) price for 6 months and while there's been lots of viewings, nobody has yet bought. So don't take that part to heart

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 07/11/2019 11:31

I can’t imagine that your house isn’t selling because of some small and subtle family photos regardless of their content. That sounds like you’re clutching at straws.

People buy houses that have been damaged, stripped out after repossession, crime scenes, all sorts. To imagine that all of your viewers have failed to make an offer because they’ve spotted you’re a same sex marriage is a stretch imo.

Why don’t you post on the property board with a link and ask for feedback. Name change if you want it anonymous from your other posts.

plunkplunkfizz · 07/11/2019 11:32

Also, some people looking at you FIL and MIL can’t countenance a woman/women keeping a house in good repair alone or a man/men keeping a house clean. Could some fusty old bigots be worried about the botched DIY angle?

Minionbums · 07/11/2019 11:33

Please don’t think your friend is homophobic - from what you’ve said, you brought it up and she said to try it. It’s not like she had the idea in the first place.

Original poster

OreoCheeseCake · 07/11/2019 11:36

@plunkplunkfizz, where have I said I'm giving my friend "stick". I just said I'm hurt at her suggestion. Just because it's crossed my mind, doesn't mean I agree or think that it's something I should do.

I'm not looking to be offended. It just opens up old wounds a bit.

Thank you for all your replies so far btw.

OP posts:

NoSauce · 07/11/2019 11:37

I think your friend is wrong OP, wrong to suggest it and wrong to even think it.

Kokeshi123 · 07/11/2019 11:38

She is pointing out the existence of homophobia rather than being homophobic.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 07/11/2019 11:39

I'm married to a woman - we've never sold a house together but my wife did buy and sell two houses with her former female partner all with no problem at all.

More likely to be the Brexit/ upcoming GE factor.

I don't think your friend was being unkind - just a suggestion which shouldn't taint how you view your wedding photos.

Blobby10 · 07/11/2019 11:41

*@OreoCheeseCake * I was advised by estate agent and all the 'how to sell your house' websites to remove all personal photos from our house when trying to sell - including our wedding photos and those of our children. its standard advice along with decluttering and remove all evidence of children and pets from the house before viewings!

JoanieCash · 07/11/2019 11:45

We were told to depersonalise too. And as I took my kids photos down thought ‘wtf, my dd’s so beautiful and clever why wouldn’t these be an asset on the wall?’. But took them down anyway. I really hope And would like to say that this is just what’s advised all round and not a homophobic issue, but who knows.

Seapoint2002 · 07/11/2019 11:46

Brexit uncertainty, General Election uncertainty and also leading up to Christmas people don't buy houses.
Market will pick up in the New Year i expect.

katkit · 07/11/2019 11:46

It might not be a same sex issue- I wedding photos of any gender could hamper a sale, because the viewer wants to see themselves in the property. I'd definitely take them down, but it has nothing to do with gender.

Just had an offer- the house was stripped down to a characterless box, because I was desperate to sell. Everything got hidden before a viewing- it was knackering but I think it helped a lot. Good luck OP, and maybe hide anything you can- ornaments, photos, shoes, bins, oven gloves, tea towels- ram them all in a drawer and cross your fingers.

Span1elsRock · 07/11/2019 11:47

Ours is on the market OP, has been for 4 weeks - it's in a popular village, is spacious, well decorated and well priced. We've not had one viewing yet............

EA said on the phone yesterday that he's convinced it's Brexit and the uncertainty.

And as an aside, we've viewed several houses and I wouldn't have dreamed at looking at people's photographs!

AryaStarkWolf · 07/11/2019 11:47

I doubt it's the reason your house isn't selling tbh

Lovemenorca · 07/11/2019 11:50

It crossed your mind!
She simply verbalised what crossed your mind

Cheeseandwin5 · 07/11/2019 11:51

It depends how much you want to sell your house. She has made a suggestion and whilst we all hope ppl are more enlightened, sadly the world is not like this and there still plenty of prejudice ppl about.
If you are not willing to sell to those ppl than fine, but no need to blame her for the sad state of the world.

TryingToBeBold · 07/11/2019 11:53

Are you able to redecorate a bit more plainly? (If not already) Only.. I know when you view a house you can redecorate but.. sometimes people just cant picture it any other way and it puts them off?

CatUnderTheStairs · 07/11/2019 11:55

We viewed houses with wedding photos up. I had a nose to see if we knew them.

I would suspect its more likely to be price, or brexit uncertainty.

PuzzledObserver · 07/11/2019 11:57

When I was selling a house years ago I told a friend about the people who had come to view, one of which was a same-sex couple. She asked me if my neighbours had children. I asked her what that had to do with the price of cheese, and she said the neighbours might not like to have a gay couple living next to them because they would have to explain it to their children.

I was speechless.

GoodGriefSunshine · 07/11/2019 11:58

Gosh, I hope even the most ardent homophobe wouldn't be that lame...but then again.....DO they think your gayness might have infested the bricks and mortar . Who knows what goes on in the mind of a bigot but perhaps you could remove them just incase. It's shit but you want to sell. I would do whatever it took really, even if it was crap. People hide their pets, their hobbies and their personal photos all the time for marketing.

Coldilox · 07/11/2019 11:59

We had our (lesbian) wedding photos up when we sold in 2012, got several offers within days. I think it’s just not a great market at the moment

RhodaDendron · 07/11/2019 12:03

I think your friend was insensitive. We’ve been trying to sell our place since June and our buyers just pulled out - we were buying a house that is now in its second collapsed chain.
I know homophobia is a global insipid issue but I genuinely don’t think it will be the case with your house sale OP - The few homophobes I’m unfortunate enough to know are greedy enough to set aside their views when it comes to something like property.

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