To be hurt by friends suggestion. Helpful or just plain homophobic?

[OreoCheeseCake]

Hi,

Bit of background- we're in the process of trying to sell our house and well....it ain't selling.

We're getting increasingly frustrated and it's kind of taking over our lives! We have a lot of viewings, great feed back (usually) and then nothing. People have never mentioned price, only in a positive way and we've already reduced twice and are definitely competitively priced.

Anyway, my DP is a woman and we got married last year. Like most married couples, we have wedding photos scattered around the house. Not loads, not that that should be a problem, but just to explain, we only have 3 or 4.

I have to be honest, it has occasionally crossed my mind before viewings that people might be prejudice, but in their minds, not in their actions. I.e, not making an offer because they're anti gay

I was explaining my frustration to a close friend of mine recently and she suggested we should maybe consider taking our wedding photos down before a viewing, in case it's putting people off

She tried to soften her words by saying how wrong that would be if it were the case, but that the bottom line is we want to sell our house, so maybe we should just give it a go.

My initial reaction was shock, but then wondered if she had a point...

She can't, can she? Could anyone be that homophobic that they wouldn't want to live in a house that had been occupied by lesbians?!

I feel really hurt.

Every time I look at our photos now, I feel sad. Like they've been tainted. It's such a horrible suggestion. It's taken me right back to when I used to hide all the time.

Could there really be any sense in what she's saying?

TIA

I don't believe for a second it something to do about you.
Because of the brexit all the property market is in huge standstill.
Its just the unfortunate timing.

Can you let out your house for couple of years instead of selling? Wait when the market is moving again?

I really don’t think it’s anything to do with you being a same sex couple. I’ve bought and sold several houses and not once has any sort of photograph put me off. It’s utter nonsense! I get the decluttering thing but even that wouldn’t put me off if I liked the house. I am really struggling to understand why on earth your friend would come out with something like that! I suspect it’s just the market. My neighbours lovely house has just sold after being advertised for a year. Competitively priced, lovely neutral decor and a sought after area. People are nervous because of Brexit it appears. Please try not to upset yourself over this and don’t remove your lovely pictures. Good luck!

Well logically, there are some homophobic people about and they could be put off but the chances of that being every single person who has viewed your house is very very slim. It's just the market. It will sell eventually. Don't take your pictures down.

Ah yes, I have heard that moving into a house owned by gay people is a sure fire way to catch it

I honestly hope that isn't the real reason OP and it's just this Brexit shitshow

Have the agents given any feedback?

I am honestly shocked by this thread and the general replies. I could not give one single fuck who lived in a house before I bought it, unless a murder took place in it.

I can believe that things aren't selling well just now. Lots of people are waiting for certainty - and perhaps looking but not buying. Moving large sums of money about seems optimistic and risky.

Personal touches (the ones that make a place homely to most of us) can put some people off buying... because they can't reimagine the place with their own homely touches. They will probably be unaware of this but will just react better to more neutral version.

(Look at the decoration done in show-homes by professionals . They know how to dress up a place for sale and they don't usually put in pictures of other families.)

If a homophobic couple (with attitudes that fit in better with the days of arsenic-green kitchen-paint or asbestos-tile ceilings) really want the house, I imagine that they will still want it, whoever lived there before them.

We sold our house a few years ago and before EA came round to do photos I took all photos down off the wall. These then stayed down until we moved. Some people have enough trouble seeing potential in a property with your colour scheme/personal possessions to see themselves living there, photographs can be a step too far. They can be photographs of family, children weddings, anything - but they say that this person lives here and this is their home. Could be slightly offputting.

Having said that - I really think brexit is messing everything up. My parents have their place on the marker - it is immaculate throughout and very neutral-y decorated and despite several viewings have yet to have an offer.

This may have been asked but did you float the idea with your friend first, i.e. discuss the fact it had crossed your mind too? In which case she probably thought it was a helpful suggestion.

In any case, it's pretty normal to remove photos and personal items for viewing. I mean this kindly, but do you think there's an element of a chip on your shoulder/paranoia about prejudice towards same sex couples that's making you not want to remove them? Just remember if you do put them away, you're doing it so that potential buyers can picture themselves living there more easily, not for any other reason.

I think the reason your house isn’t selling may be to do with homophobia - but perhaps only in a very few instances. However, as a gay man, I totally get why the paranoid thoughts take hold. Don’t be too hard on your friend because she can never totally get what it is to be a homosexual in our society and be totally in your shoes. If it’s a good friendship then don’t let this taint it.

In your situation, I think I’d take down the photos as a part of a general scheme of depersonalising the space and see what happens. Paradoxically, you might be reassured if you still get no offers and realise it’s just a very slow market after all.

Finally, the photos are just photos. Your marriage and all we have struggled for as gay people are the important things - don’t allow this experience to undermine them. As an older homosexual I am amazed at how attitudes have been transformed in my lifetime and the acceptance and equality we have achieved. I really feel that most people, like your friend, are on our side.

I'm not sure it makes your friend 'homophobic' to suggest that other people might be OP. Perhaps it was the only thing she could think of as a potential as to why- sadly I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would be put off as realistically there are plenty of homophobes, and plenty of individuals who's religion dictates whatever it dictates on the topic.

I'd be more inclined to blame the housing economy, we are looking to buy and the houses are getting reduced fairly often as they aren't selling. The things we've noticed selling quickly are in nice areas that need nothing doing to them- but I'm sure this differs regionally.

As an aside OP I think it is a bit over the top to suggest you can't look at your own wedding photos without them feeling tainted. The fact that homophobia exists cannot be news. Enjoy the pictures of your lovely wedding day and don't spoil a friendship without at least discussing it.

I do think the advice to take down the photos applies to all photos, buyers are less able to see it as a house that would be theirs, when the evidence it's very much someone else's is plastered on the walls. I've looked at about 25 houses this year and it is a bit awkward.

I very much doubt the photos are putting buyers off. In my experience people who hold prejudices are often the first to put their prejudices aside to get something they want ie your house. As previous posters have said it's probably uncertainty around Brexit that is making people think twice about buying. Good luck.

I think it's very unlikely that's why your house isn't selling. You'd have to be a raving homophobe of epic proportions to give up a house you liked because a gay couple once lived there. It might be worth wiping the canvas clean a bit though so the prospective buyers can picture it as theirs more easily. My friend works in property and when she's selling a rental she says it makes a huge difference to have everything clean, minimalist and neutral.

I’d be 98% sure your house isn’t selling is nothing to do with you being a same sex couple

You should name change and then post the link to the house, people on here are very helpful in suggesting why a house wouldn’t appeal

If you watch those "Selling Houses" shows on TV, that is the first thing the host tells the home owners to do if the house isn't selling. Take down all the family photos, ornaments etc and make the house a blank canvas. I'm sure that your wedding photos were being viewed in that light - they make the house overly personalised which can put people off. You already said you aren't getting any interest, so do as the lady says and stop taking offense.

Op- Did you raise the concern that this could be an issue before she made the suggestion?

If you had already expressed a concern about the wedding photos being a potential issue, then she is just presenting a possible solution to a problem that you raised. If you simply said you're having trouble selling and she immediately suggested this, that's more concerning and speaks more to her own prejudices.

Personally, I highly doubt this is the reason your house isn't selling!

Don’t be cross with your friend or out this on her. You yourself were thinking it could be the photos, so she said - practically - well they taking them down and see if it makes a difference?

Do not blame your friend for your feelings here. It is an awful thought that some people are so stupid as to have that prejudice, but your friend isn’t amongst those people.

It’s probably Brexit uncertainty. It could be that any personal items put buyers off. But whatever the issue it is not with your friend - she hasn’t tainted anything.

I hope it isn't the reason. My partner and I bought our house off a couple at the beginning of the year, they were clearly religious (crosses, bibles, wall hangings etc) and I was super paranoid that they would not sell to us because we were 2 women! But actually, they were perfectly fine. I hate that it is even in our minds that it could be a reason!

I think the actual eason is purely the market though.

It might be worth a try?
After all it crossed your friends mind AND my next door neighbour had somebody viewing her house who said that she'd seen similar that she'd liked but was put off because of the skin colour of the vendors KIDS in hallway photos!!!
And she said it really matter of fact like it was totally reasonable.
It's a crappy thing to have to do but if you don't care who you sell to then maybe try it - as a social experiment if nothing else!

It doesn't matter whether your in a same sex marriage or not. Personal photographs and other personal memorabillia should all be tucked away prior to viewing.
This also goes for hetrosexual relationships as well.
The idea being that the house should look as neutral as possible, so potential buyers can imagine themselves living there.

I honestly think this is really unlikely, and I'm really not dismissive of these things.

Are you being completely honest about how your house views compared to others? It might be a good price but how does it compare locally?

I would have a really honest look at your home and if it's really in good order then it's almost certainly the market and not your pictures.

I have a friend who is a real estate agent and she always encourages people to remove ANY sort of family photos and especially wedding photos. Reason being, you want to depersonalize your home so buyers can more easily see themselves living there. Personal photos can give people the uncomfortable feeling they are wandering/snooping around someone else’s home, which, of course they are, but you want buyers to feel they are walking around THEIR possible home.

I think there is only one way to know and that’s to remove them. All this “removing photos is the first thing you do” nonsense is just that.

I don’t think your friends are homophobic, and I don’t think the people posting on this thread saying they wouldn’t care are either. BUT people in the big wide world are, every unconsciously, and a fair few people come from the school of “its ok as long as they don’t flaunt it” you can’t pretend these don’t exist, and it’s possible they’ve viewed your house. I would remove them to see.

I think the suggestion to de-personalise is a universal house-selling technique, so don’t take offence at it.

^ This.

Looking on Rightmove these days, things are done very differently now compared to years ago. Depersonalisation is a definite 'thing' now.

A photo of a same sex couple on their wedding day would have zero impact on my opinion of a property or the vendors. However, I did remove a wedding photo of DH & I (female) when we were selling our house.

My mum just sold her house and when I viewed the pictures on rightmove she’d taken down lots of personal things. She had wedding photos of relatives (all same sex) and she removed those. Removed a personalised picture and some general photos from the house. She left up a few pictures to fill the walls but they’re of scenes and personal to my mum but not so personal that people couldn’t relate to them. She had two small photo frames dotted about the house.

Some areas are really struggling with Brexit at the minute. My mum’s area isn’t but our area is pretty stagnant. We’ve known of two couples (also same-sex) who have had trouble selling their house. One of them, is a house that was my favourite when we were doing our house search. The other couple viewed and offered before we could and the house was off the market in less than a week. 3 years later, they can’t sell their house, had no viewings and took it back off the market.

I don’t think the fact that you are a same sex couple is what is stopping people from buying. However, I can understand why your friend’s words were hurtful. If she is usually a good friend, I’d just chalk it up to not thinking through things properly. It doesn’t mean the hurt is less for you, of course.