To be hurt by friends suggestion. Helpful or just plain homophobic?

[OreoCheeseCake]

Hi,

Bit of background- we're in the process of trying to sell our house and well....it ain't selling.

We're getting increasingly frustrated and it's kind of taking over our lives! We have a lot of viewings, great feed back (usually) and then nothing. People have never mentioned price, only in a positive way and we've already reduced twice and are definitely competitively priced.

Anyway, my DP is a woman and we got married last year. Like most married couples, we have wedding photos scattered around the house. Not loads, not that that should be a problem, but just to explain, we only have 3 or 4.

I have to be honest, it has occasionally crossed my mind before viewings that people might be prejudice, but in their minds, not in their actions. I.e, not making an offer because they're anti gay

I was explaining my frustration to a close friend of mine recently and she suggested we should maybe consider taking our wedding photos down before a viewing, in case it's putting people off

She tried to soften her words by saying how wrong that would be if it were the case, but that the bottom line is we want to sell our house, so maybe we should just give it a go.

My initial reaction was shock, but then wondered if she had a point...

She can't, can she? Could anyone be that homophobic that they wouldn't want to live in a house that had been occupied by lesbians?!

I feel really hurt.

Every time I look at our photos now, I feel sad. Like they've been tainted. It's such a horrible suggestion. It's taken me right back to when I used to hide all the time.

Could there really be any sense in what she's saying?

TIA

I can’t imagine anyone giving someone else’s wedding pictures a second glance, never mind being so outraged by a lovely picture of two happy women that they refuse to buy a house they really want !

We are viewing houses at the mo. I look at the overall thing, not at the owner’s belongings.

Don't think it's anything to do with your sexuality at all. The market has tanked and is totally stagnant at the moment. We have been trying to sell our house too for months in what is usually a very desirable area. Other houses in our location, which a couple of years ago would have sold instantly for a lot higher a price, have also struggled. Don't worry! It will go eventually - might just need to wait for more certainty politically (if that's possible at the moment).

No, I had endless problems trying to sell a house recently, being straight it wasn’t related to anything like that. The market is dead and will be until Brexit is sorted. (Come the GE, if Labour win there will be a run on the pound and a major drop in housing prices, but that’s another story).

I guess I'm asking the question, if it did put off a small minority, should I swallow my pride (no pun intended) and hide them away?
...

Is the principle more important than the desired outcome?

That’s a personal decision.

For me, if I wanted to sell my house and there was ‘something/anything’ easy to change that might help I’d do it, no matter how personally affronted I felt by it - and removing personal photos would be something I’d do.

The thing is (well, as I see it) it’s probably nothing to do with you being a lesbian couple (economy/something about the house/their finances are all FAR FAR FAR more likely reasons!!) but personal photos can put people off, irrespective of what/who they’re of, so I’d put them away anyway and make it easy for any shortsighted bellends to be able to visualise themselves living there!

Good luck selling!

I think your friend is wrong OP, wrong to suggest it and wrong to even think it.

How far do we apply that principle, and what might the consequences be?

Before house is robbed: "I can't believe you'd even THINK that someone might rob you; how sad and distrustful".
After house is robbed: "I can't believe you didn't consider the possibility that someone might rob you; how naive."

Before being assaulted: "I can't believe you'd be worried about someone wanting to assault you; you'll be FINE, honestly."
After being assaulted: "Well frankly it was stupid of you to NOT consider that someone might assault you."

You're a bad person for suspecting other people's motives and then a shit person for not forestalling their actions

Also, the quoted statement comes perilously close to an accusation of thoughtcrime IMO. I was raised in a misogynistic, racist, homophobic society and am constantly doing the inward check of 'Yes it's what I grew up with and am familiar with, but that does not make it right or ok'. If I'm a shit person for having the thought in the first place then I feel like I should just bloody give up now, because in the eyes of people like NoSauce I'm Wrong throughout.

OP, sadly there are people out there who will be put off by personal photos in general and photos of a family structure they disapprove of in particular. I would just hide the photos in your shoes, in the interests of being pragmatic. I'd be pissed off at feeling it was necessary though

It's either the market, or the price. I used to hang around on a house selling forum, and whenever someone asked why their house wasn't selling, it was usually to do with the price, because even the most horrible house will sell, if it's the right price.

Your house is only worth what someone is willing to pay. If the other houses that are comparable, are selling, are they actually being sold at the asking price, or less? Have you looked at the sold prices of the houses recently? (Rightmove has that information.)

You're getting the viewings, so something is putting people off once they've viewed, but they might be more interested if the price was lower.

There was an OP on here a few months ago, who was having trouble selling. Her house was advertised as a 3 bed, but the "3rd bedroom" was actually a section of hallway that had been closed off when some remodelling was done, it had no window, and it had to be accessed via the master bedroom. It was also considerably more expensive than they'd paid for it only a few years before, and it had been advertised as a 2 bed then, not as a 3 bed.
They were getting viewings, because photos were misleading, and when people saw the supposed 3rd bedroom, they weren't interested.

This is why we view properties before buying. Something can look ok in the photos, but when you get to see it properly, you realise that there's something you don't like, but you might be willing to overlook that, if the price was lower.

If you want to get a range of opinions on why your house might not be selling, namechange and post another thread, with the Rightmove link. People will be brutally honest, but can often see things that might put people off, that you're so used to, it didn't occur to you.

Oh, and I don't think your friend did anything wrong. She only pointed out what you'd already thought, and although it wouldn't be putting most people off, it is a possibility it might with some people.

I really don't see why it would taint your wedding pics though.

Sorry this is so long!

I expect it’s more likely to be Brexit OP. Apologies if I missed it, but how long are other properties in your area taking to sell (compared to yours)?

I find it very hard to believe that your photos have anything to do with the fact the house hasn't sold. Even if someone was homophobic I can't see how it would effect whether they would buy you house. The chances of that happening must be very slim and would you want to sell to such nasty people anyway? The chances are that they would be the kind of people that would really mess you around. It's probably a good idea not have any interest from that kind of person.

I suspect that people aren't buying because of the uncertainty at the moment with Brexit in the general election. I'm sure you'll get more interest in spring next year.

Someone who wasn't homophobic would say you could de-personalise your house so viewers can imagine their own stuff in there.

I would take the pics down for a couple of viewings and find out! If it's the case you will get more offers. Only issue there is, you won't know if it is because they don't know you're gay or because they are normal people who happen to want the house and couldn't care less. I seriously doubt that every person to view is that prejudiced but you can't know without asking them!
It doesn't matter if the people buying are twats, you sell the house and find a lovely new home for you and your wife to enjoy and that's that. I suspect it makes no difference but you never know.
The question of whether your friend is a bit homophobic is a heavier one but to be fair, would they be your friend if they were? Would you not have known before? The issue is with what made her suggest you take the photos down, she can be commenting on the sad fact that sometimes the general public are morons without it being her own opinion.

I'd be really surprised if this was the cause of your house not selling. It's so much money that buying a house, in my experience (we're in our third property) is a pretty impersonal business transaction. I think it's more likely market conditions. The buyer is never going to see you again after the transaction. If your property meets their requirements, at a good price and they are truly ready to buy it would be really odd to be put off by something like your sexual orientation.

We're a traditional 'nuclear' family and owned a beautiful large home, on the market for over 18 months. All positive feedback bar 'small kitchen / small garden'.

We had to reduce it by 20% to sell - way under its value. Fecking Brexit!

My close friend is an EA and it always goes a bit quiet for them this time of year. Add in Brexit and Christmas and its quieter. It could also be your house is over priced in buyers eyes.

Your friend shouldn't have said that! How could that not be hurtful? Don't take your photos down.

I think though that the reason your house isn't selling is probably due to all the uncertainty around Brexit and people worrying about economists saying that house prices could drop by 30% if we leave with no deal. This would bother first time buyers, particularly.

It does sound a bit like you're suggesting your friends is homophobic because she... pointed out that some people are homophobic

I really don't think that' the issue - i am trying to sell my house at the moment- lots of viewings all with glorious feedback saying how wonderful the house is, how they will DEFINITELY be back in touch and one couple said they were off to look at furniture that afternoon as my alcoves would fit bookshelves beautifully and then poof... disappeared into the night...

I am very competitively priced, have dropped the price massively and still nothing so I'm just sitting tight and waiting until all this nonsense eventually blows over.

Are you ever both there when people come to view the place? If so then they'd realise you were a couple anyway, no? Or are you always absent? I suppose if it's the latter that it might be you being gay putting people off.

I've no advice really, I just think it's fecking ridiculous if it IS homophobia putting buyers off.

No one really wants to see anyone's photos up around a house when they're looking/buying. I want to see a totally blank canvas so I can imagine what I'd put up on the walls or the mantles. I bought my house because it had new floors, a newish kitchen and had been whitewashed throughout. I didn't want to see other peoples shit and tat and lives in the house I wanted my own memories in.

When looking at houses with my adult DC, we noted the following;
houses that were previously rentals (no attempt to smarten up the house, and usually in poor condition),
previously elderly person (house stuck in a timewarp of 1970s furniture and decor, with masses of memorabilia everywhere),

houses with a young family who want more space (usually toys in every nook and cranny), etc
Just as clutter and washing up in the sink should not be off-putting to potential buyers, so personal items should not be.
But if you want to sell, I would do anything to make my house look like a showhouse (impossible, of course), but that is the idea.
Consequently, I would remove personal items, and de-clutter, etc
Some of these 'house' programs have suggested putting loads into storage, and on one occassion even suggested hiring suitable furniture, to make it more appealing

I ant believe that it could be the case. I mean maybe one homophobic dick could have a view, but not every viewer?

We bought at the beginning of the year and this wouldn't have even entered my head - I can't believe that you have had a whole stream of people through your house who hold this view. It would just be such an absurd view to hold. I'd be much more concerned if you were hoarders or the house was dirty, or you had no storage or just normal house buying things.

@OreoCheeseCake saw your second question - I think we would need to see a link (which I appreciate you may not want to do) to get a real idea if depersonalising will help.

What is the general decor like? Is it muted and neutral, or bold, personal colours? Do you have storage or does the house look cluttered? Is garden well maintained? Carpets clean? No funky pet odours? (We had a viewing once mid afternoon and the bloody cat had vomited on the rug but we didn't know until later! Those people did not come back...)

Are the lights on and the house well lit and clean / spacious looking when viewers come
Round?

I have a gay friend who had an offer on a house turned down because the vendor preferred to sell to ‘a traditional family’. So it happens.

Unless you live in a very homophobic part of the world (which I’m assuming you’re not if you live somewhere that permits gay marriage) I really don’t think it’s going to be an issue. If you are in the UK it’s most likely just political uncertainty.

To me if I wanted to buy a particular house/home. I would buy it regardless of whether the homeowners were , lesbians gays, straight ,transgender or owned a pet sheep none of that would bother me .

FWIW the house I have bought, the previous owner sadly passed away In the front room.

If you really wanted a house you would go for it . It just depends on the persons wants etc to whether they put an offer in . At the end of the day you have to look at the bigger picture. You put your own stamp on your home not what others have left behind in it.

Good luck OP I hope you sell soon x

'I have to be honest, it has occasionally crossed my mind before viewings that people might be prejudice, but in their minds, not in their actions. I.e, not making an offer because they're anti gay"
Wtaf? You are being super sensitive. You have a chip on your shoulder and probably see slights where there aren't any. I can't imagine why that would even cross your mind.

Your friend was just being practical and helpful in the unlikely event that others might think like that.

I'm pretty sure price, location, room sizes, light etc are the considerations people make when looking at potential house purchases.

I would probably consider if you do need to de-clutter/de-personalise though just so that it looks more spacious and clean.