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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be hurt by friends suggestion. Helpful or just plain homophobic?

187 replies

OreoCheeseCake · 07/11/2019 10:55

Hi,

Bit of background- we're in the process of trying to sell our house and well....it ain't selling.

We're getting increasingly frustrated and it's kind of taking over our lives! We have a lot of viewings, great feed back (usually) and then nothing. People have never mentioned price, only in a positive way and we've already reduced twice and are definitely competitively priced.

Anyway, my DP is a woman and we got married last year. Like most married couples, we have wedding photos scattered around the house. Not loads, not that that should be a problem, but just to explain, we only have 3 or 4.

I have to be honest, it has occasionally crossed my mind before viewings that people might be prejudice, but in their minds, not in their actions. I.e, not making an offer because they're anti gay Confused

I was explaining my frustration to a close friend of mine recently and she suggested we should maybe consider taking our wedding photos down before a viewing, in case it's putting people off Hmm

She tried to soften her words by saying how wrong that would be if it were the case, but that the bottom line is we want to sell our house, so maybe we should just give it a go.

My initial reaction was shock, but then wondered if she had a point...

She can't, can she? Could anyone be that homophobic that they wouldn't want to live in a house that had been occupied by lesbians?!

I feel really hurt.

Every time I look at our photos now, I feel sad. Like they've been tainted. It's such a horrible suggestion. It's taken me right back to when I used to hide all the time.

Could there really be any sense in what she's saying?

TIA

OP posts:
catlady3 · 07/11/2019 12:05

I don't think your photos are the reason. If as you say it's a good property and competitively priced, even a biggot (probably?) would go for it unless there's another reason, like brexit uncertainty or maybe another factor that you're unaware of. I have no doubt some people still are deeply homophobic, but money tends to trump those sentiments. Best of luck with your sale, I'm sure you'll get there eventually x

GettingABitDesperateNow · 07/11/2019 12:07

I just cant see it OP. I can't imagine anyone ever, saying 'oh I love the house, it's perfect, but I'm going to have to pass because it was previously owned by two women'. If anyone did they this they would be a tiny tiny minority like 1 in 1,000 so wouldn't be the reason your home isn't selling

KurriKurri · 07/11/2019 12:08

I think it is more likely to be connected with the price of your house, the time of year, the area, brexit etc etc. I think it is hard to sell at the moment.
If someone didn;t want to buy your house because you are a gay couple then obviously they would be totally mad but I can't think anyone would not buy a house they really loved because of the current owners.

I know all sorts of things cross your mind when you are desperate though. My XH and I were selling our house - we were divorced but still both living in the house , him in a separate room. And I thin maybe it did look strange that no rooms had a double bed in them. We did tell people, our house did take a long time to sell and I wondered if it was because people thought it wasn't a happy home. But in reality it was probably due to changing market, the fact that house needed some work etc etc.

I wouldn't over think it. Your friend sounds a bit bonkers - I certainly wouldn't take your wedding pictures down and don;t let her remark upset you. Just because she said something, doesn;t mean she's right - there are far more likely reasons for a house not selling. Ask your estate agent what you can do to make it more attractive - what are the EA photos like ? Have they featured your house - ie promoted it recently - is the price a bracketed price or a set price 9because people look up houses in a particular price range and if yours is just over their limit they won't see it even though yo might be prepared to drop a couple of thousand.
Get your EA to start doing some work and get some people viewing - that's their job. Our EA got very complacent if we didn't keep bidging them.

plunkplunkfizz · 07/11/2019 12:09

I didn’t specifically say the OP had expressed any feeling towards her friend. Some PPs on the other hand had been less than complimentary.

TryingToBeBold · 07/11/2019 12:11

P.s.
Although you may be hurt by your friends suggestion, I don't think it was insensitive. Exploring a perfectly valid option (let's face it.. we all know people who aren't totally inclusive).

plunkplunkfizz · 07/11/2019 12:11

That said, the thread title asks if her suggestion was helpful or homophobic which - purely on the face of it - would suggest you think what she said might be homophobic.

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 07/11/2019 12:12

I guess I'm asking the question, if it did put off a small minority, should I swallow my pride (no pun intended) and hide them away?

Is the principle more important than the desired outcome?

OP posts:
DappledThings · 07/11/2019 12:14

if it did put off a small minority, should I swallow my pride (no pun intended) and hide them away

I would hide them away but on the assumption people don't like personal touches, not because of homophobia

Starstar7 · 07/11/2019 12:15

It's nothing to do with the photos.. Your house is over priced

NoSquirrels · 07/11/2019 12:18

Don’t look at your wedding photos as tainted! That’s silly.

I think the suggestion to de-personalise is a universal house-selling technique, so don’t take offence at it.

I think anyone who would make a major financial investment decision based on the sexuality of the vendor would be batshit, so I wouldn’t worry about it.

It’ll be Brexit and the time of year, really.

NeckPainChairSearch · 07/11/2019 12:19

She is pointing out the existence of homophobia rather than being homophobic

That's my take on it too.

That said, I barely look at people's stuff when we view houses. I try not to - I'm constantly trying to imagine a 'blank canvas' and I definitely wouldn't be interested in photos and the like.

Honestly, Brexit is very likely to be having its inevitable effect.

donquixotedelamancha · 07/11/2019 12:19

Could anyone be that homophobic that they wouldn't want to live in a house that had been occupied by lesbians?!

Yes someone might be that daft, but I think it's very unlikely that many people would be that loopy. It's not going to have a material effect on you selling.

Is the principle more important than the desired outcome?

Not always, but I would not compromise myself in this way to please a hypothetical terrible person who probably doesn't exist.

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 07/11/2019 12:20

@plunkplunkfizz, somebody can say something insensitive which is homophobic, without being homophobic themselves.

If I came on here saying that I'd gone bat shit at my friend for being homophobic, then yeah...but I'm just saying that the suggestion is upsetting, given that it was because we are a lesbian couple and not because we have family photos up.

OP posts:
itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 07/11/2019 12:21

??? Can't say I've taken much notice of personal photos when I've looked round a house?
I think you're friend is overthinking and perhaps projecting their own subconscious views?

plunkplunkfizz · 07/11/2019 12:23

Very good. Smile

CheerfulMuddler · 07/11/2019 12:23

Everyone I know who has tried to sell a house in the last year has really struggled - and they're nice, competitively priced houses too.

It's Brexit uncertainty. Fewer people want to live in Britain, and those that do want to rent until they know what their right to remain is going to be.

And lots of people don't know if they're going to have a job after Brexit, or if their business is going to be affected, or how Brexit is going to affect houseprices. There's an argument that if you want to move, you should wait until after Brexit when houses might be cheaper.

Some of the people looking round are probably also trying to sell their own house and facing the same difficulties you are.

I really think it will be this, OP, not the photos. Flowers

NoSquirrels · 07/11/2019 12:25

How long have you been on the market? What does your estate agent say?

I honestly think it’s unlikely to be anything to do with your relationship and more likely something either intrinsic to the house (parking issues, odd layout, small garden etc) or extrinsic (Brexit, local school rated badly by Ofsted etc)

Mildura · 07/11/2019 12:25

I highly doubt this is the reason you have been unable to sell.

It's far more likely to be the same reason that other vendors struggle to attract a buyer.

If you're getting viewings and that's not tiurning in to offers it is almost certain that your price is too high.

Simkin · 07/11/2019 12:25

As a heterosexual person who hated my wedding photos because I look like an elephant in a lucozade wrapper in them, I'm asking myself if I would take down my (v v few) wedding photos down in case potential buyers were taking offence at my shiny fat arse.

The answer is no, I would not pander to the (imaginary) closed minded fuckers and hide myself away. I would rather not sell the house than make myself less than.

ThatsMeInTheSpotlight · 07/11/2019 12:25

Personally I never notice photos and they wouldn't affect whether or not I bought a house. But your friend may have been watching property programmes which always recommend a blank canvas and leaching as much personality out of your house as possible.

I don't think you should be hurt by her suggestion. She's only voicing what you have considered yourself and she's coming from a place of trying to be helpful. She's obviously not homophobic. She's your friend.

MrTumbleTumble · 07/11/2019 12:26

We sold our house last year with photos of us all over it and even 'arty' pictures of naked women on the walls (my DW has no taste!). I think it's more likely Brexit.

I'm sure your wedding photos are beautiful, don't let this taint your view of them.

AgeShallNotWitherHer · 07/11/2019 12:28

Wedding photos, clutter, kids photos, over personal stuff, bad taste decor, neighbours who look like they could be trouble -- all reasons for not offering.

Brexit, job uncertainty, near Xmas, poor weather - all reasons for not buying.

You say "Could my gay wedding pix put buyers off?" (Who knows? Who cares? Are your friends sick of hearing about this house sale??)

Friend says "Well if that's what you think take the pix down!" ( and can we talk about something else now?? -- Aha!! Friend is homophobic.

Someone'll buy the house if they like it, it is cheap enough and the right time for them.

brassbrass · 07/11/2019 12:30

I doubt very much that photos are putting people off. I never notice things like that at house viewings. I'm interested in layout, size, how much work needs doing etc.

Has the estate agent given any useful feedback?

I'd be more inclined to think it's a stagnant market with Brexit, getting close to the Christmas period etc

Aridane · 07/11/2019 12:31

I would be upset too but paradoxically think your friend brave and helpful for pointing this out as a (tenuous) possibility. I would depersonalise though, independently of any homophobia possibility

LadyLanka · 07/11/2019 12:31

We have just sold a house. One of the first things we were advised to do was to remove all photographs.
We subsequently had 2 offers at full asking price.