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Original poster

To be hurt by friends suggestion. Helpful or just plain homophobic?

187 replies

OreoCheeseCake · 07/11/2019 10:55

Hi,

Bit of background- we're in the process of trying to sell our house and well....it ain't selling.

We're getting increasingly frustrated and it's kind of taking over our lives! We have a lot of viewings, great feed back (usually) and then nothing. People have never mentioned price, only in a positive way and we've already reduced twice and are definitely competitively priced.

Anyway, my DP is a woman and we got married last year. Like most married couples, we have wedding photos scattered around the house. Not loads, not that that should be a problem, but just to explain, we only have 3 or 4.

I have to be honest, it has occasionally crossed my mind before viewings that people might be prejudice, but in their minds, not in their actions. I.e, not making an offer because they're anti gay Confused

I was explaining my frustration to a close friend of mine recently and she suggested we should maybe consider taking our wedding photos down before a viewing, in case it's putting people off Hmm

She tried to soften her words by saying how wrong that would be if it were the case, but that the bottom line is we want to sell our house, so maybe we should just give it a go.

My initial reaction was shock, but then wondered if she had a point...

She can't, can she? Could anyone be that homophobic that they wouldn't want to live in a house that had been occupied by lesbians?!

I feel really hurt.

Every time I look at our photos now, I feel sad. Like they've been tainted. It's such a horrible suggestion. It's taken me right back to when I used to hide all the time.

Could there really be any sense in what she's saying?

TIA

OP posts:
billandbenflowerpotmen1 · 07/11/2019 15:39

When we bought our second house many years ago we were buying privately as was more usual in those days in the 80's. The owners were two women. When we were looking for the second time it became apparent that the women shared the main bedroom as the other room was being used as a study. My exh was homophobic and it really did almost put him off agreeing to buy the house. Fortunately he saw sense but I was left to dot he negotiating as he couldn't look at either woman.
So it can happen OP but I'd imagine very rarely these days thank goodness

nibdedibble · 07/11/2019 15:43

I am sorry that there is homophobia in this world, but I also feel kinda sorry for your friend, who was only perhaps trying to acknowledge reality and help you out.

I hope you aren't feeling sensitive that she may be homophobic.

(I've got quite a few lesbian friends who, via the wonders of social media, I now know suspect anyone straight of latent homophobia. It's made things very difficult as there can't really be a friendship under those circumstances.)

nevergotthehangofthursdays · 07/11/2019 15:58

You might want to consider giving the EA a swift kick up the jacksie - my ILs asked around and switched agent based on local recommendation and who was selling quickest. Their house was simply not being marketed by the first agent they used.

Mind you, they also sold in the summer. This time of year is too close to Christmas for most people to think of moving.

stucknoue · 07/11/2019 15:59

It's brexit, nothing is selling. Nobody is that homophobic

steff13 · 07/11/2019 16:06

If the reason was homophobia, then that would mean that every single person who saw your house was not only homophobic, but homophobic to an extent that they think a house is somehow tainted by having a gay couple living it. It seems unlikely that that's the case.

It could be an issue of it being personal touches - there was a show here in the US called Sell This House where people came in and recorded viewings of homes and then used the feedback to make improvements, and it was shocking the number of people who commented on not liking the paint colors, the personal photos, the furniture. Things that are easy to change or would be changed when the existing owner moved. I would remove any personal items and make it look as generica as possible.

MissConductUS · 07/11/2019 16:08

We had to reduce it by 20% to sell - way under its value.

The value, by definition, is what someone is willing to pay.

Sewrainbow · 07/11/2019 16:24

There's only one reason houses dont sell - The price is too high for the buyers.

I suspect Brexit is a major factor at the moment. I doubt someone would not by your house due to you being in a same sex relationship even if they were homophobic.

General advice is to depersonalise and declutter a home before selling it. I removed all photos and kids drawings, most bits and pieces and some of my furniture. It's not how I like my home but I wanted to maximise selling potential. I have through experience found that a lot of people can't see through other people's tastes in decor or diy issues.

Firstawake · 07/11/2019 17:56

Flabbergasted

Love51 · 07/11/2019 19:03

A long time ago, back in the early 00s, when marriage was reserved for straight couples, my fiance (referred to by EA as partner) and I wanted to view a house. We were there when the agent called the vendor. My husband heard the EA phone the home owner who did in fact ask if we were a man and a woman. The owner was one of the misogynistic people I've ever met and I was creeped out the entire visit!
The house I currently live in the adult son was gay. I know this because his mum mentioned it about 15 times over the course of 4 conversations.

Motoko · 08/11/2019 00:35

There have been shows like that in the UK too @steff13, and it's the same here, with the viewers saying they don't like that feature wall, or the furniture. They also point out any clutter (clutter not only looks untidy, it also gives a signal that the place is either too small, or lacks room for storage).

You always get pps on these threads saying they look through all that, but there are still plenty of people who can't.

Often, in those shows, after the house has been decluttered, depersonalised, and decorated in neutrals, with a bit of styling of carefully chosen accessories, the viewers come back, and then they really like the house, that they'd previously dismissed.

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 08/11/2019 07:57

@TheMidasTouch, I don't think you read that right. I'm saying that I wouldn't think someone wouldn't offer because we are a same sex couple, but might be prejudice generally. So I kept the photos up. You may very well think I'm being "super sensitive " or have a chip on my shoulder, but once you've been verbally abused and physically attacked because you dare to hold hands with your DP, then you might understand the sensitivity or "chip".

OP posts:
francienolan · 08/11/2019 08:29

I am in the market for a house and a lot of properties we've seen have been on the market for ages. Some areas are moving slowly right now. And there have been several very nice houseswe've viewed with nothing wrong with them but that didn't compare more favorably than a previous one we had already seen. I think the market is really slow and buyers can afford to be picky. I hope one of them picks yours soon!

Monkeyseesmonkeydoes · 08/11/2019 08:35

I think that's absolute codswallop! The chance that someone is SO homophobic that they won't want to live in a house that once had gays living in it is ridiculous.
Ignore that and think of the real reasons that your house may not be selling - lower the price? De-clutter? paint it all white so it looks clean and new?
I'm gay and have experienced a lot of homophobia over the years but the chances of one buyer being put off because of your wedding snaps are slim, and more than one? Not happening.

Ellisandra · 08/11/2019 08:47

I am certain that’s not the issue.

Homophobia is rife, sadly.

But just because someone is a homophobic arsehole, doesn’t mean they’re not entirely out for what they want. If they want your house, they’ll offer. Their homophobia would manifest itself in other ways. Consider how the Nazis encouraged people to think of Jews. Didn’t stop people then taking over Jewish homes when the owners were sent to ghettoes or camps. Homophobes are arseholes, arseholes are out for themselves, people out for themselves would happily offer on your home.

It will be the general market.

CravingCheese · 08/11/2019 09:08

I personally would actually take this as a positive.

I'd take this as an indication of you probably having fairly tolerant neighbours... (if you're out, proud and happily married.)

But removing as many personal touches as possible might still be a good thing.
people can be put off by extremely small details...

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 08/11/2019 09:33

Two things. It's not homophobic of OP's friend to be aware that homophobia exists and to think it may be a factor at work. I think heterosexual people denying that homophobia exists allows it to flourish. You can't stamp out a social attitude that you won't see.

However, if you're getting lots of viewings, homophobia can't be the main issue. In modern Britain, the percentage of people who would act to their own detriment by passing on a house they liked just because they'd realised the vendors were a lesbian couple isn't going to be that high.

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/11/2019 09:49

It isn’t because you are a lesbian couple. I wouldn’t have any personal photos out regardless.

People I have found don’t want to see who is selling.

They want to imagine their furniture and stuff in the house and a picture of a the owners wedding day or childrens sports day hanging on the wall seems to deep down put people off

Actionhasmagic · 08/11/2019 10:58

We have just sold ours after over a year of it being on the market. We reduced it by a lot - trust me it’s not because of that. It’s the market. It’s brexit. It’s the economy. Really hope you get it sold and good luck.

Lovemenorca · 08/11/2019 11:07

* My exh was homophobic and it really did almost put him off agreeing to buy the house. Fortunately he saw sense but I was left to dot he negotiating as he couldn't look at either woman*

I’m utterly baffled
I know he’s your ex now but how, how on earth could you be with a man like this. Who was so stupidly homophobic he couldn’t actually look at the women, let alone talk to them?? And you used to share a bed with this scum bag knowing this?!

FrivolousPancake · 08/11/2019 11:32

You brought this notion to your friend and now you’re acting like she is unreasonable and offensive? Wtf?

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 08/11/2019 11:36

Jeez @Lovemenorca Confused I missed this post!

Couldn't look at them in the eye?! I can't believe this and I've experienced my 'fair' share of homophobia.

What a horrible human being.

OP posts:
woodchuck99 · 08/11/2019 11:37

I think heterosexual people denying that homophobia exists allows it to flourish. You can't stamp out a social attitude that you won't see.

I don't think anyone is denying it exists on this thread or anywhere else. You would have to live in a cave to think otherwise.The question is whether this is the reason for the lack of interest in buying the house. Even if there is one person out there who would not buy house they liked this reason it is highly unlikely that is the cause nobody putting in an offer.

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 08/11/2019 11:40

*FrivolousPancake, you should read my OP properly before posting. To clear it up.....

I did not suggest to my friend that this was the reason our house wasn't selling. Just that I was frustrated it wasn't.

OP posts:
FrivolousPancake · 08/11/2019 11:52

You literally say in your OP that it has crossed your mind that this may be why.

Why is it allowed to cross your mind but not your friends?

Original poster
OreoCheeseCake · 08/11/2019 12:00

@FrivolousPancake, yes I literally do. How am I allowed to think it? Are you serious? I said I wondered if people might make a judgement and just generally not like it, but NOT go as far as not making an offer. Again, read my OP properly.

OP posts: