Oh god, I'm so embarrassed.

[Bellesboo2]

Okay, help me, I'm such a tit.
Basically, I assumed there was some back and forth subtle flirting between me and a colleague (same office but not part of the same dept)
He would smile at me, would catch him looking at me while I was working, whenever I walked by him he would stare at me, and follow me with his eyes until I sat back down. We've been trying to strike up chat here and there in passing, but I get so flustered I end up making excuses and going back to my desk.

Anyway, after months of this, and I mean months! I decided to add him in Facebook, I'd been toying with the idea for a while but put it off for some reason or another. However, it took about 2 week for him to accept, no big deal I thought, must not use his account regularly... the day after, I decided to send him a PM, basically just saying hi etc.. hes read it and not replied. I'm so mortified, I feel I've misjudged everything and I'm dreading work tomorrow now.

Please can someone find me a black hole I can jump into.

I would assume a very generic greeting on fb pm is when a person has been hacked.

It is possible I have ignored some well meaning hello 's from Facebook friends

Don’t say it was Facebook.

Better to say, “Oi, bellend, why didn’t you reply to my message?”

It matters not in the slightest. Don’t ever refer to it though as pps suggested, that just makes it into a thing. It’s not a thing.

I think the penny has just dropped and I think I realise the problem..

When he accepted my friend request, he would have seen that I have a 10 year old DD. Maybe he saw that, and just thought nah not for me.

Definitely practice being confident and casual! To avoid an awkward situation I wouldn't mention the message. Just say hi and smile. Pretend you send people messages all the time and lose track of who has replied and who hasn't. You are unfazed! You are a social buttery not socially awkward! & not a potato!!

So, if you sent him a friend request a couple of weeks ago, have you seen him at work in the space between you sending and him finally accepting? Was there any interaction between you during that time?

I wouldn't worry about him not responding to your message. You didn't ask him a question and maybe he just felt a bit awkward waving/saying hello back on the messenger function.

Well that’s fair enough.

He's not worth the aggro!

Maybe he is agonising over what to say in reply?!

Years ago, I drunkenly messaged a guy I worked with, a very direct message after seeing him on a night out.

We hot desked at work, obviously I ended up opposite him the Monday after. I spent the day crouching behind the screen, hoping no one knew I was there.

Eventually, I went and got a subway for dinner, he asked 'where's mine' to break the ice and tried so hard to pretend he didn't remember anything from the weekend.

Awful, just awful.

I made it through this, you will be fine!

Ah well.. his loss!

Still overthinking!

WAY WAY overthinking

It's just a friend request.
And just a message to say hi

He may not have had time to message back.
May wants to message when he has the time?
May not even like you in that way.

But it's not the end of the world.

Just. Go into work and be normal and make normal conversation. Its literally a normal situation. Imagine if this was a female colleague or one you didn't fancy. You wouldn't care so much.

Ignore everyone saying to add everyone you work with.. that's just weird and you'd then have to strike up and maintain messenger conversations with them all.

You're reading way too much into it. Nothing to do with 'his loss'. Its not even at any stage

Oh god OP I have been here - usually after a few drinks. The only way to do it is just to act nonchalant and style it out. The only way - looking fab in the office also helps!

He probably has a girlfriend or is seeing someone anyway OP. Really don't think any of it is a big deal though even if it feels like it. He accepted the friend request after all.

IMO it's more embarrassing to avoid him because of it and make it seem like your whole existence revolves around a facebook wave. Just get on with things as normal, it sounds like you have the barest of minimum actual contact with this guy anyway. Next time go for someone who actually goes out of their way to speak to you if they like you, this all sounds very underwhelming!

I love your honesty OP.

Just style it out like sending a friend request is no big deal. Because actually it's not.

Don’t call yourself a potato!! You’re fabulous and if he can’t see that, that’s his loss.

Anyway, don’t take the slow Facebook response as a lack of interest. I’m awful at responding to people on Facebook. Comments, tags, messages and friend requests. My friend once asked if I was going to our other friend’s hen do. I said I had been invited and she told me I had and was in the Facebook group! Turns out the messages weren’t showing on my notifications but the rest of the group thought I just wasn’t responding (which is also probable with me but not at that time). Facebook is weird, don’t read too much into anything on there. Just act normal with him and assume he’s not a big Facebook person.

My first thought was he might not have seen either - I have a FB account and used to use it a lot but did a digital detox sort of thing a while back to turned off notifications and deleted the app. Now if I want to go on I have to go the the website. So I only have a look once every couple of weeks. I sometimes have friend requests that I've gotten a couple of weeks ago but only seen when I logged on. But that might be clutching at straws a bit!

Look to see when he last posted anything. If he's posted since you sent him the initial request he's 100% definitely seen the friend request notification and is being a bit rude not accepting it.

That message is a little bit embarrassing but it didn't say anything too cringe so it's actually not too bad. It just feels it right now. I personally would mention it when you next chat with him - just casually and jokingly. Otherwise it's the elephant in the room.

I have a FB account I've never used and look on only very occasionally. When I do , I never click on the add friends thingy or wrote messages.

OP think of it this way - you won't ever meet anyone nice if you aren't a bit brave sometimes - and being brave means risking a little bit of embarrasment or rejection.

Honestly - as others have said - this isn't bad - some people are very flirty and friendly on facebook others aren't - yes he may have seen you hve a child - or he may be in a relationship himself.

None of it matters you have been a bit bold and that's a good thing in life. Eventually it will pay off even if it doesn't this time.

Fortune favours the bold as they say.

I'd just carry on like nothing happened. He won't notice that you feel mortified unless you act as if you are.

Most people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they have no clue what is going on around them unless their attention is drawn to it.

Shrug it off and move on

Honestly I think he's a dick. If he has been nice to you at all and then you FB friended him and send a generic message, its a bit off for him not just to say Hi in return. You could've been messaging him about any mundane thing. That you're organising a secret santa secrets santa, or a birthday thing for someone, or anything. If I were you I'd come up with some random likely thing and go up to him and ask him the question in real life because he didn't reply to you. Make him feel like a dick.

Style it out as they say... you’ve done nothing wrong and he’s a knob for not responding.

Give him a bit of time to think . He’s probably enjoying this . Expect flowers .

I would definitely be confident about it and say 'excuse me, are you ignoring my message?' and laugh. Feels so much less awkward than just staying silent and leaving it hanging there.