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Original poster

Bf's mum now doesn't like me because of this...

197 replies

Gigi178 · 06/11/2019 22:51

I'm absolutely mystified at what's happened the past few days so much so I haven't spoken to my boyfriend...
Basically bf of 3 years parents went on holiday about a month ago. I saw them on their return and his mum bought me a lovely silver bracelet, said thanks etc, it's lovely etc...
Fast forward, weekend just gone, they've been back from holiday about 3 weeks ish and I hadn't seen them as boyfriend has changed shifts, I've been busy etc or his mums been out when I visited.
Weekend just gone, his family had a birthday celebration I was invited to... Got there, his mum goes 'why are you not wearing the bracelet?' I was a bit taken aback.. I only had a pair of studs on that day so wasn't particularly dolled up with accessories. I said 'oh I've not made much effort today, it's at home in my jewelery box'. Well, for the rest of the day she was really off with me. Even boyfriend's sister was frowning at me alot. Felt so uncomfortable I left earlier than I usually would and made an excuse about having an early start next day.
Next morning, boyfriend rings, I'm still in bed, forgot I said about the early start Confused and boyfriend jumped on it that I'd lied and why did i duck out last night.
I ended up saying about the bracelet and he said, his mums upset that I didn't like it because I hadn't wore it. Didn't know what to say, wanted to say 'oh ffs' but didn't.. Told boyfriend if his mum mentions it again to tell her I love it (like i already had).
I was then going to pop round on Monday, boyfriend told me he thinks it's best I don't because his mums still upset so I texted her sayin I love the bracelet, pls don't think I don't, I have worn it, just didn't that particular day... Got a text back from her sayin 'it's fine, you just appear to be very ungrateful'....
Haven't text back since Monday, boyfriends not rung me...

Is it me? I feel like I'm in a dream bubble and they've lost their minds.... Shock

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 07/11/2019 16:55

You'd end up lunging at his little sister, really? Hmm It sounds as though you're all quite immature.

have you read OP's thread atall Confused

I think she in entitled to express her angst at this vile family after the way they have treated her over a cheap bangle..

Express and Vent away OP. Flowers

merryhouse · 07/11/2019 16:56

NB: I agree bf's mother is being ridiculous.

... but it was pretty rude of you to say you hadn't made much effort when you were at her house for a birthday party

leomama81 · 07/11/2019 17:19

I do think she's really overreacted and her text to you was too much... but I have to say the nice thing to have done would have been to wear it to the party. They got you a gift, it was the next time they saw you and it was a family occasion - perfect opportunity really to show them that you liked it. I can understand how she may have been a bit offended/ worried that you didn't like it (which possibly you don't, as you've described it as cheap?)

But I do think that it should not have been blown up into a such a massive thing and that once you texted her to clarify that should have been it really.

billy1966 · 07/11/2019 17:31

OP, I think you have handled your boyfriend well and I think you are absolutely right to make your decision based on how this pans out.

Whatever happens, you have the measure of them.

You'll probably move on any way.....life throws most people enough curved balls without signing up for them unnecessarily😁

Derbee · 08/11/2019 01:03

They do sound crazy. But wouldn’t the right thing to have done been to wear the bracelet to the party? Where possible, I would always wear a gift the next time I saw the person who gave it to me

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/11/2019 07:37

But then that gift becomes a responsibility. The pleasure purely that of the givers.

That's no gift! It's an obligation to please someone, an obligation they demand with a smile and emotional blackmail!

Sod that for a game of soldiers!

Original poster
Gigi178 · 08/11/2019 07:46

When I say not made an effort, I was just casual, hoodie and leggings, boyf was in a trackie and not dressed up as was alot of the other family members, his sister was in a onesie FGS. It was a little gathering, having a bbq in the garden... Not an actual party party... I had my hair in a bun, very little make up..... They have never seen that as a problem or commented about it when they've had family gatherings.
She definitely didn't take offence about that, it was just cos I didn't wear the bracelet!

OP posts:
OneTwoThreeDoeRayMe · 08/11/2019 08:00

They obviously have a family tradition of wearing gifts when you next see someone. It's not that uncommon. In that context, not wearing the bracelet seemed rude.

OK, but if the OP was completely oblivious to that little tradition?

From her pov, you didn't like the bracelet, deliberately didn't wear it, left a party early and lied about why.

How on earth do you get - she didn't like it, deliberately didn't wear it?

She just forgot to put it on. Confused

decbaby19 · 08/11/2019 08:10

My MIL has been like that on and off, bonkers! When me and now DH started dating, she did a few mental things like that (including inviting me to a big family meal and purposefully telling me an hour later so that I turned up just as they finished...). It got to the point where I didn't want to go to their house... thankfully DH stood up to her and she apologised and packed it in. For a while Grin

I think he needs to support you, otherwise you'll have a life of pleasing her. She sounds controlling! Xxx

decbaby19 · 08/11/2019 08:15

Also try not to take it personally, she wouldn't "like" any girlfriend of his and the sister sounds like a princess. It does get easier Thanks

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 08/11/2019 17:43

I understand why you said "early start" when you wanted to leave because they were making you feel uncomfortable. One says these things, not as a deliberate lie but in an attempt to excuse leaving early.

Regarding the bracelet.. having read the last few pages and BFs response I really do think that if it hadn't been the bracelet it would have been some other invisible rule you'd broken. They've shown you what they are like.

BrieAndChilli · 08/11/2019 17:52

Imagine....
she buys your future baby an outfit, outfit is either inappropriate for everyday wear eg party dress or it get stained or something - there will be nuclear fall out

She looks after baby for an hour while you have a bath/attend an apt or something, you don’t grovel thanks enough - nuclear fall out

Baby is clingy and won’t go to grandma - you are being precious and not letting her have the baby enough - nuclear fallout

On and on as the kid’s get older. It would be manageable with a husband who sticks up for you and doesn’t take any shit from his family. I think he’s shown you who’s side he would be on and it’s not yours

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 08/11/2019 18:13

Well done op. I would seriously consider this relationship.

messolini9 · 08/11/2019 18:34

Is it me? I feel like I'm in a dream bubble and they've lost their minds....

It's not you.
Desperately unclassy to give a present then to put expectations on how you should wear/use it.
You thanked at the time, you later explained that you weren't really in jewellery mode, but they still made you feel so uncomfortable that you left early with a fib.

You them made sure to follow up letting his mother know you do like the bracelet & she sends you a fucking weird & controlling text.

I would think long & hard about how much more involvement you want with these twats. B/f is clearly 'schooling' you with his deliberate lack of comms since. They are colluding to make you feel small, & wrong, & outside of the circle.

I'd be tempted to send it back with a note saying why dont they save it for a more compliant g/f who relishes being controlled & patronised ...
Really. If b/f has put you on no-speaking for this non-event, fuck him off to fucksville before it gets worse.

Lulualla · 08/11/2019 18:40

They are insane. I'm not exaggerating when I say I have over a thousand pieces of jewellery. If someone gives me jewellery, I can't possibly wear it everyday or on every occasion I see them because then I could t wear other pieces instead!

Jewellery as a gift should never come with a demand that it always be worn infront of the giver, and she's absolutely bonkers to think you've done anything wrong. And the sister? Sounds like a family of weirdos.

PicaK · 08/11/2019 18:59

I'm one of those people who would try and remember who gave what. When we visit mil for the weekend the kids clothes and mine are the ones she and SIL have given us. So there is a culture for some people of doing that.
But her rudeness is unforgivable. Her instant decision that your primary intention was to upset them all and that you were ungrateful is a huge red flag
Run.

Crotchgoblins · 08/11/2019 20:06

I would always try and remember to wear something that was given to me- however, I would never expect someone to be arsey if I didn't.

This is a warning - his family are showing you their true colours and your bf hasn't backed you up. This is them testing the waters. They will be very hard work as in laws. I'd be making my plans to end this relationship now and being clear about why to your bf.

billy1966 · 08/11/2019 21:48

I think for a lot of people that are rared a certain way, wearing the bracelet when they would next meet the gift giver, having sent a note of thanks is the way things are done.

However, just because the OP did not do these things, does not give her boyfriend's mother the right to be so rude and to kick up such a fuss.

Her behaviour is not acceptable.

You do not insult the person you give a gift to, because they don't react the way you choose.

The OP has been rightly warned off.

BumbleBeee69 · 08/11/2019 22:25

I wouldn't have the time or energy to wear 'everything' people bought me... next time we meet.. I'd look like one of those loons that tries to avoid paying excess baggage at airlines, by wearing ALL their clothing... Grin

ALittleBitofVitriol · 08/11/2019 23:16

Her instant decision that your primary intention was to upset them all and that you were ungrateful is a huge red flag
Exactly PicaK
She jumps to this conclusion because that's what she would do - it's pure projection.

RhinoskinhaveI · 08/11/2019 23:31

The writing's on the wall with this one...

Aroundnabout1 · 08/11/2019 23:35

OMG they're mental. You will never please these controlling types of people. I know that from bitter experience.

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