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Original poster

Bf's mum now doesn't like me because of this...

197 replies

Gigi178 · 06/11/2019 22:51

I'm absolutely mystified at what's happened the past few days so much so I haven't spoken to my boyfriend...
Basically bf of 3 years parents went on holiday about a month ago. I saw them on their return and his mum bought me a lovely silver bracelet, said thanks etc, it's lovely etc...
Fast forward, weekend just gone, they've been back from holiday about 3 weeks ish and I hadn't seen them as boyfriend has changed shifts, I've been busy etc or his mums been out when I visited.
Weekend just gone, his family had a birthday celebration I was invited to... Got there, his mum goes 'why are you not wearing the bracelet?' I was a bit taken aback.. I only had a pair of studs on that day so wasn't particularly dolled up with accessories. I said 'oh I've not made much effort today, it's at home in my jewelery box'. Well, for the rest of the day she was really off with me. Even boyfriend's sister was frowning at me alot. Felt so uncomfortable I left earlier than I usually would and made an excuse about having an early start next day.
Next morning, boyfriend rings, I'm still in bed, forgot I said about the early start Confused and boyfriend jumped on it that I'd lied and why did i duck out last night.
I ended up saying about the bracelet and he said, his mums upset that I didn't like it because I hadn't wore it. Didn't know what to say, wanted to say 'oh ffs' but didn't.. Told boyfriend if his mum mentions it again to tell her I love it (like i already had).
I was then going to pop round on Monday, boyfriend told me he thinks it's best I don't because his mums still upset so I texted her sayin I love the bracelet, pls don't think I don't, I have worn it, just didn't that particular day... Got a text back from her sayin 'it's fine, you just appear to be very ungrateful'....
Haven't text back since Monday, boyfriends not rung me...

Is it me? I feel like I'm in a dream bubble and they've lost their minds.... Shock

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 07/11/2019 09:20

Gosh what a fussy family! I'd be tempted to put it through his letterbox with a "didn't realise it was a handcuff!" Label, but probably not the best plan!!

I'd probably text him with a "can't believe this has escalated so much, please can we discuss it?" If he contacts you (soonish) then fair enough, but if he's still sulking bin. His mum was especially rude in her text - she owes you an apology really, but it's probably unlikely. It will be tough if you live with him/marry? Do you really want a future of this??

olivesnutsandcheese · 07/11/2019 09:24

I had a bf once who, although I wasn't totally sure about, when I met his mother it totally clinched it for me. It all started with a gift from her. It became all consuming about THE GIFT. She watched me open it, I had to wholly appreciate the wrapping skill and paper. The contents therein had to be admired, I needed to blush with thanks and gratitude that she had deigned to bestow such an impressive gift unto me. I then needed to write an elaborate thank you letter and discuss the GIFT at all times and how amazing it was.
Mn wasn't around then, but I would have loved the responses.
The idea that this mad woman could become my MIL was ridiculous. I dumped his sorry ass very soon after.

PenguinBollard · 07/11/2019 09:27

Don't dismiss those who are saying to leave, OP.
This behaviour is a genuine concern - look hard at the relationship to see if there are other warning signs and we wary.

IWriteCode · 07/11/2019 09:27

I join the chorus of Run For The Hills.

crosspelican · 07/11/2019 09:30

My temptation would be to return it with a note saying

Dear Sandra,

Thank you for thinking of me when you bought me this bracelet, which I do genuinely love.

However, your curious, manipulative behaviour around it after giving it to me has soured the gift and made me deeply uncomfortable about wearing it, so I think it better that I return it to you.

I don't know how you imagine obligating me to wear something to avoid you causing a fuss would give me pleasure in any kind of gift.

I hope we can forget this and move on.

Best,
Gigi

And then dump your boyfriend, because Jesus Christ - this is the tip of the bloody iceberg.

crosspelican · 07/11/2019 09:31

@olivesnutsandcheese - that's hilarious Grin - what was the gift?? (Please tell me it was a Ted Baker shower gel set from Boots!)

midnightmisssuki · 07/11/2019 09:31

Dump and run fast. Jesus Christ they sounds insane.

Funnyface1 · 07/11/2019 09:33

I'd have to ask her to explain that point of view. What have you done to make you seem ungrateful? Purely not wearing it that one time?

Drum2018 · 07/11/2019 09:43

I'd probably text him with a "can't believe this has escalated so much, please can we discuss it?

I wouldn't make contact at all and if I did there certainly would not be a please in the sentence. You're not that desperate. Leave them to their crazy carry on and thank your lucky stars you discovered their true personalities before you ended up marrying him. If he's going to ghost you for days over not wearing a bracelet then you are much better off without him.

FizzyGreenWater · 07/11/2019 09:50

No, I wouldn't text.

You need to push back hard, fast and with no discussion on shit like this.

If this is the first time they/he have acted batshit then you totally, totally refuse to accept it.

You don't chase, you don't apologise. You've done nothing wrong.

If he doesn't text, that tells you all you want to know and yes, you walk right away!

He won't be expecting that. He's clearly in a professional sulk along with his family, so bring him up short with a very hard line. No, this doesn't happen. They've all acted completely out of order and have, frankly, embarrassed themselves. You didn't wear a bracelet to a party therefore you are ungrateful? Do they realise how mad they sound?

When he does get in touch, ssay the above, very slowly and clearly making it very obvious how surprised and shocked you are. Have absolutely NO time for any justifying and say, the only thing that happens now is that you apologise for this absolutely nutty behaviour and tell your mother to think about how she's come across here - I won't be contacting her for a while. If it happens again, me, you and your family are O.V.E.R.

And mean it.

AnneKipanki · 07/11/2019 09:53

Dump bf and family .
See this as a lucky escape.

aweedropofsancerre · 07/11/2019 09:57

Oh dear this was obviously the grand gesture after dating her DS for 3yrs you have been accepted, therefore the fact your not treasuring and wearing the bracelet has been seen as a snub. Madness.
I would not bother contacting your BF as he and his mad family think you have done something wrong..... you haven’t

EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 07/11/2019 09:58

Can you imagine if you had children with this man, OP? His mum will forever be gifting you with clothes and toys for the baby and you will be expected to dress him or her in whatever she's bought, whether appropriate for the season and the right size or not. She's bound to get sniffy about perceived slights if your own mum is more involved with the baby than she is. And then it's likely she'll drop you and your kid(s) as soon as your boyfriend's sister has a child, as I've seen happen on more than one thread around here.

Nightmare in-laws are just about bearable if your partner is on your side, but that's the problem here, isn't it? Your boyfriend is more concerned about his mum's hurt feelings than yours. Has he even tried to smooth things over with her, or is he just encouraging her to be upset? A quick "Gigi loved the present, mum, you're taking offence where none was meant" would have gone a long way towards helping the situation here.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/11/2019 10:08

She sounds like a nightmare, what a weird thing to get upset about.

Sunflowersok · 07/11/2019 10:10

what a strange situation. You have done nothing wrong OP, I wouldn’t even bother with another apology! It sounds like she feels entitled and owed now, I’d give the bracelet back if she carries on trying to make you feel bad.

your bf unfortunately is a whole other issue Confused

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/11/2019 10:11

I think this relationship has run its course. You got together very young and it’s time for your next chapter, from the sounds of it.

Your bf doesn’t have your back - he agrees with the batshit manipulation. Don’t devote any more of your life to someone who isn’t on your side.

You do NOT want that woman as a MIL judging and trying to control everything - imagine her demands around your children?! Ugh.

Free yourself OP. And I agree with PP, don’t text 1 you have been treated badly, if the onus is on anyone to fix this it isn’t you.

Grape0 · 07/11/2019 10:12

She sounds batshit and your boyfriend sounds like a mummy's boy.

Run!

AryaStarkWolf · 07/11/2019 10:12

your bf unfortunately is a whole other issue

Yeah his reaction to it was equally bizarre

Mollymoo01 · 07/11/2019 10:17

Wow if you stay with BF just remember there is going to be a whole ball ache of issues with his family as time goes on, especially as your BF 1, seems to think their batshit rude behaviour is fine and 2, didn’t prioritise your feelings or stand up for you in anyway.
BF is clearly waiting for you to send him a begging text that you’re so sorry and it’ll never happen again, big red flag for controlling behaviour from him!

ENormaSnob · 07/11/2019 10:18

Get rid asap.

They are a set of dick heads.

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/11/2019 10:19

Yeah he wants you to jump into line and grovel and wear the bracelet every single fucking day.

OP please come back and tell us you haven’t been controlled like that!

ClassicFlourescent · 07/11/2019 10:23

Dumping him because of this would be doing him a great favour. Maybe then he will learn to take his partners sides and not his bat shit families.

They all sound too close and over invested in each others lives

cantpick · 07/11/2019 10:24

Op there are many many threads on MN from people with 1) batshit in-laws 2) partners that don't have their backs and allow the batshittery. This is made much worse in situations where people are married and go on to have children.

It's a shitty life and one that I would run far far far away from.

ptumbi · 07/11/2019 10:25

What FizzyGreenWater said! Push back, solid boundaries, DO NOT let this get to be the new 'Normal' in any way!

Or - dump him and his batshit family, and save yourself the bother of working out what the hell they mean.....?

You have done NOTHING wrong. You live your life and decorate your body how YOU want.

Tunnocks34 · 07/11/2019 10:26

Sounds like my MIL. She bought me a pair of pair of earrings. I don’t have my ears pierced. I thanked her and explained. She didn’t speak to me for a month - she even suggested that I should get my ears pierced to wear them.