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Original poster

Bf's mum now doesn't like me because of this...

197 replies

Gigi178 · 06/11/2019 22:51

I'm absolutely mystified at what's happened the past few days so much so I haven't spoken to my boyfriend...
Basically bf of 3 years parents went on holiday about a month ago. I saw them on their return and his mum bought me a lovely silver bracelet, said thanks etc, it's lovely etc...
Fast forward, weekend just gone, they've been back from holiday about 3 weeks ish and I hadn't seen them as boyfriend has changed shifts, I've been busy etc or his mums been out when I visited.
Weekend just gone, his family had a birthday celebration I was invited to... Got there, his mum goes 'why are you not wearing the bracelet?' I was a bit taken aback.. I only had a pair of studs on that day so wasn't particularly dolled up with accessories. I said 'oh I've not made much effort today, it's at home in my jewelery box'. Well, for the rest of the day she was really off with me. Even boyfriend's sister was frowning at me alot. Felt so uncomfortable I left earlier than I usually would and made an excuse about having an early start next day.
Next morning, boyfriend rings, I'm still in bed, forgot I said about the early start Confused and boyfriend jumped on it that I'd lied and why did i duck out last night.
I ended up saying about the bracelet and he said, his mums upset that I didn't like it because I hadn't wore it. Didn't know what to say, wanted to say 'oh ffs' but didn't.. Told boyfriend if his mum mentions it again to tell her I love it (like i already had).
I was then going to pop round on Monday, boyfriend told me he thinks it's best I don't because his mums still upset so I texted her sayin I love the bracelet, pls don't think I don't, I have worn it, just didn't that particular day... Got a text back from her sayin 'it's fine, you just appear to be very ungrateful'....
Haven't text back since Monday, boyfriends not rung me...

Is it me? I feel like I'm in a dream bubble and they've lost their minds.... Shock

OP posts:
Spidey66 · 07/11/2019 10:28

I'm not much of a jewellery person either, just watch earrings, wedding and engagement ring, plus my late mum's engagement ring which I wear for sentimental reasons. His mum's batshit.

HermioneWeasley · 07/11/2019 10:30

I like @crosspelican ‘s suggestion - both the note and the dumping

olivesnutsandcheese · 07/11/2019 10:30

@crosspelican
You weren't far off... a molton brown hand cream.
Oh the expense! Oh the luxury! You are considered a worthy girlfriend of my adored most amazing son! You may now worship THE GIFT (of acceptance)

OP seriously, run for the hills

Bluntness100 · 07/11/2019 10:30

Did you also lie to your boyfriend about the early start? That's kind of weird to be honest and it reads like you did.

As for the bracelet, her reaction is odd, but to be fair, if someone gives me jewellery I always try to wear it when I next see them, even if I dislike it.

ChuckleBuckles · 07/11/2019 10:32

So for three years you have handed over Christmas gifts and they have gotten you nothing in return and YOU are the ungrateful one? Nah, run OP, run far and fast and don't apologise or contact your bf, he is acting the numpty.

Cobblersandhogwash · 07/11/2019 10:34

They sound hugely sensitive and easily offended.

Very very hard work.

You'd never know when you were putting your foot wrong.

You'd end up with a stomach ulcer with the stress.

I would bin the boyfriend and return the bracelet.

And RUN!!

Ponoka7 · 07/11/2019 10:36

If it was about you saying that you hadn't made an effort for their family celebration, then I'd understand it. Because that was quite rude.

Most people i know would have worn the bracelet under thise circumstances.

You need a proper conversation with your BF, but i agree that his reaction should sound warning bells for you.

billy1966 · 07/11/2019 10:46

@FizzyGreenWater
Agree, if he has been a wonderful boyfriend over the past 3 years.

Is he a sulker though?
Have you had an inkling that he is weak and at the mercy of his mother's daftness.

OP, you are very young with a whole wonderful life ahead of you.

Think long and hard before you waste any more time on a weak man and his drama loving mother.

If he and you accept this you will be in the wrong going forward and will be signing up for a life of stress and annoyance.

Healthy people do not behave like this.

Drama loving people do.

Be so very careful of your next move.💐
They are so exhausting to have in your life.

SpiderCharlotte · 07/11/2019 10:50

Oh god I really can't be arsed with this kind of nonsense. I'd be off like a shot - stick with him and you'll have a lifetime of walking on eggshells round his mum, and by the sounds of things, his sister and him too. Escape while you can.

ALittleBitofVitriol · 07/11/2019 10:54

I'd respond to her text:
"I'm bemused by your behaviour and your text. If you choose to assume the worst about me and find offense where there is none, then I can't help you."

And to boyfriend:
"How dare you emotionally manipulate me like that. If you/your mum had an expectation of me then you can express it like adults. I'm not a mind reader, but your mum apparently thinks she is! You have made a drama where there is none and I'm not playing this game."

They're nuts! Sorry!

FlashingLights101 · 07/11/2019 10:58

She is clearly a bit crazy, however... I wonder whether, after years of not buying you presents, she bought you what sounds like a nice bracelet as a kind of 'we are accepting you into the family' kind of way, and she is seeing you as snubbing this gesture??

Perhaps the bracelet was quite pricy and she thinks you don't appreciate the expense and are regarding it as just another bit of cheap jewellery??

Of course she might just be really odd, but I'm trying to think of a more rational explanation (and that's the best I could come up with!)

longwayoff · 07/11/2019 11:04

Finish with him and send the damned bracelet back for the next girlfriend. Lucky escape.

CymaticPrincess88 · 07/11/2019 11:12

Honest to god, you need to run, now. I had a boyfriend with a mother like this, and it got to the point that she was trying to actively dress me and make my gynae appts. Fucking looney tunes.

Drop him like a rock.

Frustratedfrenchie · 07/11/2019 11:34

Imagine what it would be like if you have her grandchildren! Run!

embarassednewname · 07/11/2019 11:36

My ex-H's relationship with my MIL and strange demands like this contributed to the break up of our marriage. You think you can handle it, but it gets much much worse. If she's a drama llama now, she will be 100 times worse when you have kids and have no way of escaping anymore. Think about it.

ISawyouinTescoyesterday · 07/11/2019 11:37

Oh my. How pathetic is that! They sound controlling!

OlaEliza · 07/11/2019 11:39

Got a text back from her sayin 'it's fine, you just appear to be very ungrateful

I'd tell the lot of them to get fucked.

Biddie191 · 07/11/2019 11:46

It sounds like a big warning to me - IF you want this relationship to continue, like others have said, you need to stamp this out right now. No apologies from you, and at the slightest hint of any further batshittery - walk out with your head held high, and don't look back.

My MIL is a nightmare, partly because she has 5 sons, who all allow her controlling bollocks to continue. My going NC probably made her happy, as she gets to see DH without me. It really isn't a happy situation from my end - Christmas is an annual upset, difficult for the DC, and my 'D'H has never stood up to her.

SandAndSea · 07/11/2019 11:54

I've been thinking about this since last posting and I'm now trying to see things from their side a bit. (I'm not saying this is what's happened, just exploring possibilities.)

If I was your mil, I would have spent quite a bit of time and caring shopping for the bracelet. I would have been excited to give it to you and looking forward to your reaction. It would have been a significant thing for me to do, especially as we don't normally give presents - perhaps it marked a significant change in the relationship for them? Maybe it was a stretch financially? Perhaps she involved her chn in it and they knew she was excited about it too?

So then she gave it to you and you thanked her. Did you put it on? (If not, this could be part of the problem.)

You then don't see them for several weeks, which is unusual. Mil hears that you've been at her home in her absence and starts to think this is a bit strange. Perhaps she asked if you were wearing the bracelet and no one saw you wearing it?

She then invites you to a special family do and you don't wear it then either and actually make it clear that you haven't really bothered to dress up or make an effort for them. (Did you take any kind of gift or contribution for the evening?) You then leave early, which they find even weirder, and the next day they find out that you lied about why.

I still think they're behaving oddly but, maybe they think you are too??

youvegottobekidding · 07/11/2019 11:56

YANBU. Wouldn’t it be good though if you went to Poundland or somewhere similar & got the most horrid piece of jewellery & went round. Wearing the bracket she gave to you, apologise for upsetting her & give her the piece of jewellery you have chosen. Say ‘I’ve just bought you a little something as my way of saying sorry’. Then as she opens it, hopefully she’ll recoil in horror & then you can say to her ‘And I expect to see you wearing that tonight when I come round & at the weekend.’ 😂

timeisnotaline · 07/11/2019 11:57

It’s an engagement bracelet! Official welcome to the family and then - gasp -you didn’t even WEAR it! No wonder they are all so upset Grin

cacklingmags · 07/11/2019 11:58

Crazy as coots. If the bf does not come down on your side pretty sharpish, and tell his mum to behave, then you're gonna have to run as fast as you can.

Chloe84 · 07/11/2019 12:04

@Boredisboring

Maybe you exacerbated the problem by saying "oh I've not made much effort today," when you were invited to celebrate a birthday with the family.

We don't know what sort of celebration it was (could have been low key). I bet her BF wasn't judged for his effort.

PuzzledObserver · 07/11/2019 12:05

Just out of interest, what are you supposed to do if someone buys you jewellery and you don't like it? I mean, I'm just not a jewellery person. Wedding ring, cross necklace, studs, that's it. If someone (who didn't know me very well) bought me a bracelet, would I be expected to wear it just because they gave it to me?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 07/11/2019 12:13

I'd send it back.

Tell her that you no longer feel comfortable having it. You appreciated the thought but if there are terms and conditions applied to when you are expected to wear a piece of jewellery then it is best to hand it back to them and no longer be under these terms and conditions.

End it with your boyfriend and RUN! Run like the wind, and be happy you're not going to be calling her your MiL!