Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bf's mum now doesn't like me because of this...

197 replies

Gigi178 · 06/11/2019 22:51

I'm absolutely mystified at what's happened the past few days so much so I haven't spoken to my boyfriend...
Basically bf of 3 years parents went on holiday about a month ago. I saw them on their return and his mum bought me a lovely silver bracelet, said thanks etc, it's lovely etc...
Fast forward, weekend just gone, they've been back from holiday about 3 weeks ish and I hadn't seen them as boyfriend has changed shifts, I've been busy etc or his mums been out when I visited.
Weekend just gone, his family had a birthday celebration I was invited to... Got there, his mum goes 'why are you not wearing the bracelet?' I was a bit taken aback.. I only had a pair of studs on that day so wasn't particularly dolled up with accessories. I said 'oh I've not made much effort today, it's at home in my jewelery box'. Well, for the rest of the day she was really off with me. Even boyfriend's sister was frowning at me alot. Felt so uncomfortable I left earlier than I usually would and made an excuse about having an early start next day.
Next morning, boyfriend rings, I'm still in bed, forgot I said about the early start Confused and boyfriend jumped on it that I'd lied and why did i duck out last night.
I ended up saying about the bracelet and he said, his mums upset that I didn't like it because I hadn't wore it. Didn't know what to say, wanted to say 'oh ffs' but didn't.. Told boyfriend if his mum mentions it again to tell her I love it (like i already had).
I was then going to pop round on Monday, boyfriend told me he thinks it's best I don't because his mums still upset so I texted her sayin I love the bracelet, pls don't think I don't, I have worn it, just didn't that particular day... Got a text back from her sayin 'it's fine, you just appear to be very ungrateful'....
Haven't text back since Monday, boyfriends not rung me...

Is it me? I feel like I'm in a dream bubble and they've lost their minds.... Shock

OP posts:
Slappadabass · 07/11/2019 01:46

That is ridiculous and your BF needs to grow some balls and not be pampering to her, she's crazy! I'd be inclined to run for the hills, they all sound as bad as each other.

Is the relationship usually great? Has she caused problems before? Is he usually a mummy's boy?

GuessWhoColeen · 07/11/2019 02:01

Post it back & run.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 07/11/2019 02:15

Good god. Run and consider yourself very lucky!

Jellybeansincognito · 07/11/2019 06:28

A normal boyfriend in this scenario would be mortified.

Go round there with the bracelet and tell them all to get to F.

katewhinesalot · 07/11/2019 06:35

Can you just imagine her as a mil?

She's shown you a small glimpse of what life will be like in that family. Do you like him enough to suffer that?

Original poster
Gigi178 · 07/11/2019 06:40

Thanks everyone for the responses. I'm 24, he's 25. His mum has never been like that before however they've not been on holiday while I've been with him so this holiday gift was new for me.
Xmas and birthdays I've never been given a gift, I would usually buy a box of M&s chocs or flowers for Xmas addressed to all of them. They always say thanks but I don't expect any OTT gratitude about it.

OP posts:
katewhinesalot · 07/11/2019 06:43

How long have you been seeing him? Will it break your heart to finish with him?

WineOrGinOrBoth · 07/11/2019 06:51

I have a MIL whose Word is Law. I knew it would be like that as I’m Greek, so I mainly suck it up. No one can ever upset her as she becomes unwell when challenged. It’s exhausting. I still challenge occasionally as I’m a stubborn so & so - there is a reason why I’m the least favourite & she repeatedly tells me so Grin

Think very carefully.

hardyloveit · 07/11/2019 06:54

That's ridiculous op! And why hasn't your bf phoned? I'm a tad surprised you haven't ever had a Xmas gift tbh. Even something like chocs?

AlwaysCheddar · 07/11/2019 06:57

Can’t believe they don’t give a token Xmas or birthday gift.... that’s so bad. Think this relationship is starting to wilt. Not a bad thing as they seem nuts.

Pringlesfortea · 07/11/2019 06:59

And that will only get worse
Run for the hills

Fucket · 07/11/2019 07:01

Personally I would give the bracelet back with a note saying.

“Dear xxxx thank you for the bracelet, a beautiful gift, however one I never asked for nor expected. however I feel unable to accept this gift, as I didn’t realise it came with the caveat I must wear it to family social occasions. It obviously has a lot of importance to you and I don’t feel comfortable for being judged on when and where I wear it.

Although I love your son dearly, I do not feel the need to conform to your expectations of any future daughter-in-law.”

But then I’m older than you, been around the block a bit, and don’t put up with this shite from anyone anymore.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 07/11/2019 07:02

Wow. They sound very overly invested. FWIW my ILs have gifted me jewellery before despite knowing I'm not massively in to wearing jewellery. When I wear it, as I sometimes do, they normally make comments like i knew that would suit you and are fine when I don't.

Hirsutefirs · 07/11/2019 07:03

Maybe it’s just me, but I’d consider beating the bracelet with a hammer before posting it back to her.

JohnCRaven · 07/11/2019 07:05

How odd! Your behaviour is not unusual but her flat out telling you you're ungrateful is.

WaningGibbous · 07/11/2019 07:06

Imagine if you had worn it to he polite and then she bought you matching tartan onesies and expected you to wear those every time you saw her after that? No. Start as you mean to go on.

Goldenchildsmum · 07/11/2019 07:06

Should I just leave it until he calls me.. At least that'd be a sign that she's over it? Or act like nothings happened.

I would block and delete and breathe a sigh of relief.

Never ever date Mummies boys.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 07/11/2019 07:06

God, I had flashbacks to my ex reading this. This actual situation never happened but I could easily imagine it happening with them.

Run! They sound awful!

MollyButton · 07/11/2019 07:07

I can just see this if you and BF stay together (and maybe get married) - before every MIL visit you are desperately getting "little ornaments" she has got you out of boxes to go on display, you and your partner and kids have to put on the sweaters Grandma bought (even if hideous), and dinner has to involve something served in the dish she bought....etc.
Is this really what you want?

Palaver1 · 07/11/2019 07:07

These are warning signs and it’s not going to get better if you would like more in-depth life experiences hop over to the divorce and separation forums.

GreySheep · 07/11/2019 07:08

This is a glimpse of your future if you stay with him. Weird controlling in laws. Run a mile.

Wherecanwegetoff123 · 07/11/2019 07:08

Run for the hills! Unless you want more drama...

slipperywhensparticus · 07/11/2019 07:10

I would dump his arse and insta loads of pics with the bracelet so glad I'm single I can go to nice places and wear my favourite bracelet...

But I can be a brat

CupoTeap · 07/11/2019 07:10

Hang on, they've never bought you a return xmas or bday gift? Then they suddenly give you a gift from their holiday? Front it out, say you have been polite until regarding their ungratefullness of your gifts and non gifts however now they have opened the door to the discussion you'd like to hear what they have to say.

Honestly run.

maddening · 07/11/2019 07:14

Dump him and his crazy mum,. Lucky escape