Bf's mum now doesn't like me because of this...

[Gigi178]

I'm absolutely mystified at what's happened the past few days so much so I haven't spoken to my boyfriend...
Basically bf of 3 years parents went on holiday about a month ago. I saw them on their return and his mum bought me a lovely silver bracelet, said thanks etc, it's lovely etc...
Fast forward, weekend just gone, they've been back from holiday about 3 weeks ish and I hadn't seen them as boyfriend has changed shifts, I've been busy etc or his mums been out when I visited.
Weekend just gone, his family had a birthday celebration I was invited to... Got there, his mum goes 'why are you not wearing the bracelet?' I was a bit taken aback.. I only had a pair of studs on that day so wasn't particularly dolled up with accessories. I said 'oh I've not made much effort today, it's at home in my jewelery box'. Well, for the rest of the day she was really off with me. Even boyfriend's sister was frowning at me alot. Felt so uncomfortable I left earlier than I usually would and made an excuse about having an early start next day.
Next morning, boyfriend rings, I'm still in bed, forgot I said about the early start and boyfriend jumped on it that I'd lied and why did i duck out last night.
I ended up saying about the bracelet and he said, his mums upset that I didn't like it because I hadn't wore it. Didn't know what to say, wanted to say 'oh ffs' but didn't.. Told boyfriend if his mum mentions it again to tell her I love it (like i already had).
I was then going to pop round on Monday, boyfriend told me he thinks it's best I don't because his mums still upset so I texted her sayin I love the bracelet, pls don't think I don't, I have worn it, just didn't that particular day... Got a text back from her sayin 'it's fine, you just appear to be very ungrateful'....
Haven't text back since Monday, boyfriends not rung me...

Is it me? I feel like I'm in a dream bubble and they've lost their minds....

I'm sorry but I laughed. Not at you it's just such ludicrous behaviour.

Consider it a lucky escape, they all sound unhinged

Yeah this is a bit twilight zone. Definitely not someone you want as a MIL. Have they acted like this before?

I'd contact him as normal OP and gvie him an opportunity to apologise if that's why he's been ignoring you. After 3 years I'd need to know it was that and not something else that had happened.

I wouldn’t get involved in DDs relationships (unless she was under threat of harm) his mother has no right to message you or be involved. He should’ve told his mother she was being ridiculous!!

I’d ignore him.

Ffs, how dare his mum have the nerve to say she thought you appeared ungrateful after you'd sent her your text. What does she expect from you?

I can't believe your bf's behaviour either. He should know you well after 3 years and should have told his mum that you have been wearing it. How utterly unsupportive.

Tbh, I wouldn't like anyone buying me a bracelet and then expecting me to wear it when they thought I should. The behaviour of both of them is controlling and you are better off out of the situation.

I wouldn't give the bf a chance to get in touch now. I'd dump him for failing to contact me and I'd send the bracelet back to his mum.

“
Tbh, I wouldn't like anyone buying me a bracelet and then expecting me to wear it when they thought I should. The behaviour of both of them is controlling and you are better off out of the situation. ”

End of thread 👍🏻

It’s not you. Eccentric/ over sensitive mother in law I could possibly get over. Boyfriend of 3 years who thinks that her behaviour is acceptable? Never

Are you sure this is the first aggressive controlling behaviour from her/them after 3 years??!
You could maybe clarify and speak up to the mother and your bf. If they continue to be emotionally immature (after a short cool off period) then you should consider the exit option as this shit is not OK and should not be encouraged by "allowing" them to think it is.
Damn. You can choose to wear a gifted bracelet when you want, it's not an asbo !

Dickheads, the lot of them.

Run for the hills!

Can you imagine a future having to tread on eggshells every time you have to discuss something with them?
Read the relationships board at Xmas on here for crazy family dynamics.

Get rid now, mope for a bit, then have an awesome Xmas and New Year as a single, doing what you want, with who you want, without worrying if you'll upset them.

She was annoyed because she planned that you would wear the bangle and tell everyone how great SHE was. When she was buying it she probably already had the plan in place.
She could use you to get approval for herself.
You messed up her plan.
She uses her own kids like this, that's why they were giving you the evil eye. Because when Mummy Gets Upset, everyone gets punished.

From someone who's mil sends blank thank you cards and a stamp in the post for me to complete and send back to her (yes - you read it right!!!) I'd say RUNNNNNN!!!!!!

Controlling behaviour. You said thank you to her face. She's maybe like my mil and also expects a thank you card

You should not be sorry.
Their behavior is awful.

You are owed an apology and if you don’t t get it I think you should tell your boyfriend it’s over.

Warning OP: if you marry him, you’ll be posting on Mumsnet about your in-laws for years to come.

what escapade1234 said. Have a think about whether you want to go down that route...

If she’s like this over a holiday bangle, imagine what she could be like over her son’s wedding or things she buys for her future grandchildren!

Your kids will be permanently dressed head to toe in granny’s choice of garments - I’d put money on her taking them for haircuts without your permission.

What if you didn't like it, would you still be expected to wear it to every occasion? And how long for? (Clue: The rest of your life!!)

I'm guessing that if you look back there may be more craziness which you have somehow skipped over.

Very strange , I'd run a mile away from all of them hun

I think the main thing you need to take away from this is when you marry a man, you marry his whole family.

Think carefully.

Can I ask how old you both are?

The MIL behaviour sounds irrational.

The BF behaviour shows that he isn’t able to manage his mothers irrationality and has internalised it and will bring it into your relationship.

He is just not for for a commitment and you being there will only enable that dynamic further because his mother can now pick on you instead of him making it easier for him to avoid conflict and divert negativity unto you

Your relationship will suffer

Is he worth putting up with mental stress for years maybe decades ?? What makes him worth it ?

I was brought up to wear jewellery or clothing when I next saw the giver. There's no reason why you should though, and I wouldn't get upset if a recipient of a gift I gave didn't. It's simply a family type thing, some do and some don't.

This is a drama deliberately cultivated, and a piece of nonsense. If you do split as a result you can thank your lucky stars. If you don't split, you now know what is expected of you should you receive anything usable/wearable again.

Run for your life. You have now seen in full HD how fucking crazy this family is and how pathetic your boyfriend is. Don't burden your life with these lunatics.

If someone told me I was insufficiently grateful for something I did not ask them for I would give it right back.
Never accept a favor from a favor shark. They will destroy you.