Bf's mum now doesn't like me because of this...

[Gigi178]

I'm absolutely mystified at what's happened the past few days so much so I haven't spoken to my boyfriend...
Basically bf of 3 years parents went on holiday about a month ago. I saw them on their return and his mum bought me a lovely silver bracelet, said thanks etc, it's lovely etc...
Fast forward, weekend just gone, they've been back from holiday about 3 weeks ish and I hadn't seen them as boyfriend has changed shifts, I've been busy etc or his mums been out when I visited.
Weekend just gone, his family had a birthday celebration I was invited to... Got there, his mum goes 'why are you not wearing the bracelet?' I was a bit taken aback.. I only had a pair of studs on that day so wasn't particularly dolled up with accessories. I said 'oh I've not made much effort today, it's at home in my jewelery box'. Well, for the rest of the day she was really off with me. Even boyfriend's sister was frowning at me alot. Felt so uncomfortable I left earlier than I usually would and made an excuse about having an early start next day.
Next morning, boyfriend rings, I'm still in bed, forgot I said about the early start and boyfriend jumped on it that I'd lied and why did i duck out last night.
I ended up saying about the bracelet and he said, his mums upset that I didn't like it because I hadn't wore it. Didn't know what to say, wanted to say 'oh ffs' but didn't.. Told boyfriend if his mum mentions it again to tell her I love it (like i already had).
I was then going to pop round on Monday, boyfriend told me he thinks it's best I don't because his mums still upset so I texted her sayin I love the bracelet, pls don't think I don't, I have worn it, just didn't that particular day... Got a text back from her sayin 'it's fine, you just appear to be very ungrateful'....
Haven't text back since Monday, boyfriends not rung me...

Is it me? I feel like I'm in a dream bubble and they've lost their minds....

Op you can always send the bracelet to me...i love silver jewellery and will happily wear it all the time

It reminds me of this:

@myusernamewastakenbyme

Are you the user who tried to appropriate her friend’s coat in the charity shop?

I'd agree with running. I'm NC with the outlaws after decades of odd comments and drama about many things, including gifts. How I "ruined Christmas" every year for not being effusive enough about MIL's poor taste and cheap tacky presents. I was a size 18 when I received a size 10 acrylic jumper with appliquéd butterflies, it was so small I couldn't even get it over my (fat) head, but was expected to wear it on family occasions forever, and was subjected to nasty comments, passive aggressive texts etc which extended over the years to many nasty comments to my children about me
Do yourself a favour and step away. They sound nuts!

I assume they expected a thank you note.

The mother sounds bonkers, and someone to be avoided.

I wouldn't think much of your BF either if I'm honest. He should surely be telling his mum not to be so ridiculous. I certainly wouldn't chase him - wait for him to get in touch with you, and see what he eventually has to say for himself.

I had this exact same scenario with ex-MIL, right down to the "You just appear to be very ungrateful'....

Here's a cracking little example

It was my 30th Birthday and I'd opened a nice gift from her (she'd dropped it off the previous night). I planned to text thanks but I felt very ill that day. I was heavily pregnant, mind all over the place, me & OH arguing, 2 year old with SEN. I ended up getting a taxi to hospital at 2 in the morning with pre-eclamsia concerns, heart racing, huge headache etc. Me & baby were monitored for a while and discharged at about 3.30, no buses, no money for taxi home. So I walked home heavily pregnant in the dark, didn't even confidently know the way as I hadn't grown up there or lived there long. When I got back SBX didn't even bother getting out of bed, but that's a whole other story.
~
I texted her a few hours later that I was very grateful for my birthday present (soap & glory stuff which she knows I like) and explained ^ scenario and hellish day/night/worried about baby.

She sent back a very passive-aggressive text "Oh okay, better not say anything else, wouldn't want to raise your blood pressure would we big grin"

I am WELL SHOT of it I can tell you!! I have no advice but do not pander to her and make her think she is more important than you, and that YOU are lucky to "be chosen" by her son. Eugh!

There's no future in this, OP. I'm sorry.

The mother is insane, the sister too, BF goes along with it and participates in abusing you for an easy life.

Imagine if you had kids and were stuck with them for life? 😱
Your life would be misery.

There is no safe option but to either break up with him, or be sterilised and never marry or mix finances in any way so you can make a quick and permanent getaway later.

Just leave.

No one can ever upset her as she becomes unwell when challenged

^

Sorry but

I can understand her noticing that you were'nt wearing it and maybe commenting or being a tiny bit miffed - just. But to send you back a text like that after you have already apologised and your "BF" technically putting you "on a break".. is such an over reaction, especially from him and it indicates they are willing to classify such a silly thing into a major faux pas which they can't let go of.
Sorry. I'd be thinking seriously about the relationship. As other's have said you deserve better. I hope your BF wakes up soon and realises that.

YANBU, they sound bonkers and she sounds as though she would be the MIL from Hell. I would seriously reconsider the relationship if I were you, sounds like your BF is pretty batshit too.

If I was your mil, I would have spent quite a bit of time and caring shopping for the bracelet. I would have been excited to give it to you and looking forward to your reaction. It would have been a significant thing for me to do, especially as we don't normally give presents - perhaps it marked a significant change in the relationship for them? Maybe it was a stretch financially? Perhaps she involved her chn in it and they knew she was excited about it too?

ALOT of assumptions in this... fantasy version of events

They are batshit. Run like hell and don't look back.

It doesn't matter how old they are either. Even if this is a teenage relationship, the mum is a fucking fruit loop and I would still run for the hills from that potential MIL.

BumbleBeee - 100% agree with you there. Just putting it out there.

Just consider this as a lucky escape... they sound mental

^^this

Seriously, they sound MENTAL. Bf is a loser. If he doesn't support you and roll his eyes at this, then you are in for a lifetime of him siding with his DM and DSis over you. They are being ridiculous and frankly, acting like children - really really young children. Why would you wait to see when he calls you. Tell him to bog off - that you have done absolutely nothing wrong and he needs to attend some boyfriend classes and cut his apron springs with his demented mother.

Run!
I didn’t find out that my MIL and SIL were batshit crazy until recently after 12 years of being with DH with them obviously pretending to be human beings all that time.
Run whilst you can!

There are so many weird cultural issues about gifts. I got in trouble with my MIL for giving too many gifts one Christmas (i.e. gifts to too many people not too many to each person). She was not the type to say anything explicit but it was Made Clear. I was very fond of her in the end though.

In this case I would honestly be tempted to send her a photo every day of my arm wearing the bracelet pushing a supermarket trolley, playing darts in the pub, holding hands in the park etc, but that is of course the immature response and really you should not commit to a family with such ridiculous power-trip behaviour.

Rubbleonthedouble1

Shit that’s a long time. Did your DH know ?

OP, ignore the voices blaming you for not being good at walking on egg shells... what you did was not malicious and does not deserve any of this drama and blackmail. This is controlling behavior and when you are pregnant or have kids you will feel vulnerable and this controlling behaviour will intensify because they can do it to u.

Your boyfriend won’t have your back because mummy’s feeling are sacred even if they’re based on thin air and drama. Her feelings will control your life.. you will live your life worried about upsetting her and prioritizing her needs and happiness..

You will become a nobody to him and your marriage will be a constant battle of you trying to feel heard and feel like a somebody..

Your kids who will be vulnerable too will be at risk or manipulation. And perhaps used against you because they and their blood line are a “pack” and you are the outsider.. even if you are their mother, it is a deserving punishment for you because you haven’t conformed to their “one and only correct” way of living.

You will only be given peace if you surrender every brain cell of yours to them. Have zero value to your own needs and feelings and make your happiness be all about the mothers and theirs.. because she is the ONLY one that matters.

Plz don’t be a martyr and run away

Partners SIL... So his brothers wife is crazy as fuck.

I actually think she may try and kill me one day (Not joking)

I'd go give her it back, if she thinks you're ungrateful because you didn't wear it TK one even then I wouldn't want the gift. Clearly it wasn't intended as a loving gesture but as a power play to make you oh so grateful.

I don't play by those rules

Clearly it wasn't intended as a loving gesture but as a power play to make you oh so grateful.

Absolutely spot on...... absolutely.

It isnt actually real silver, it's a cheapie. And yes I am starting to think this was an acceptance in to the family present.
Boyfriend rang earlier, said he's been busy, I said yeh right, this is over that sodding bracelet, this is strange behaviour and I feel very uncomfortable now and the fact ur mum has behaved like this over something so silly, I'm starting to think she's never liked me. I told him to put himself in my shoes. He said he's told his mum she's over reacting 'what do you want, blood?' (so he said he said). Clearly been lots of bitching behind my back
Said I feel his mum has been very rude to me over text and I won't be coming round again so I'll see you when I see you.....
If I don't get an apology from her then its done, I'm not getting any further into this with his family because they do hold a grudge. Plus really can't deal with his little sister giving me anymore frowns.... I would end up lunging at her!!
Don't know who they think they are, seriously

She's being a nasty manipulative poisonous Witch OP, and are now seeing exactly who she is.

well done.

if you do end this, post that cheap arse bangle back too...

You'd end up lunging at his little sister, really? It sounds as though you're all quite immature.

They obviously have a family tradition of wearing gifts when you next see someone. It's not that uncommon. In that context, not wearing the bracelet seemed rude.

To you, it was odd that they asked. But the little sister has been brought up in their family circle, not your's. From her pov, you didn't like the bracelet, deliberately didn't wear it, left a party early and lied about why.

It's a lot of drama about nothing.

Gigi178

How are you feeling? Do you trust your boyfriend is telling you the truth? Do you feel he has your back? Do you think him being “busy” was true or was he hiding his head in the sand and letting you women sort it between you, I.e you receive the bashing instead of him dealing with it??

Does he have history of saying “no” to his mother?? Did he used to be controlled/abused by her before he met you?? And if so, is he now enjoying the first dose of respect and affection from her because you are the dump of her negativity instead of him, that he is finding it hard to let go of the little nibbles of positivity she is giving him ?? He is having to choose between his desperate need to feel accepted by his own mother and safe and secure in that relationship as opposed to your need to feel respected?? Is someone making him choose between himself and your rights constantly?? Knowing that she raised someone who is desperate enough to choose himself over you each and every time because he feel vulnerable??

She knows the key and will now use it each and every time but do you think your boyfriend knows that she has it???

These are questions I would be considering. Good luck.

It’s a difficult relationship dynamic between mother and son and he needs to manage it before you end up being scapegoated and left to lick your own injuries. The only thing that will change the mother is if her own flesh and blood stood up to her and the only thing that will make him stand up to her is if he doesn’t have an easier option of delegating that to someone else.