AIBU to ask what you’d do if you were me, as I am in a complete mess?

[Inacompletemess]

My life is in absolute chaos and I need help, but please be kind.

1. Money, I’m in debt up to my ears.

My take home pay is £2000

Rent - £450
Car finance - £270 (the agreement I have says I have to pay that whether I have the car or not, the car is needed for work so selling it isn’t sensible)
Loan - £280
Bills - £300
Car insurance - £75

In theory I should have around £600 left to play with. It soon goes on petrol and so on. Also, I have credit card debt of around £2000 and an overdraft of £700. Every month I am borrowing money from both to stay afloat. I’ve looked into getting a second job but it’s difficult as I already work full time.

1. Sad and lonely I’m chronically single. I’ve given up trying to meet someone to be honest. I regret not trying harder when I was younger. Most of my friends either married boyfriends they met at university or spent their twenties prioritising meeting someone. I stupidly didn’t do this and now I’m 38, alone and probably going to stay that way. I LOVE children and it really does hurt me so much to know I won’t have them.

1. Weight ... it’s fair to say this has never been easy for me. It’s probably why I’ve never met someone. I feel food is my only friend really - I don’t really have any friends any more and I only really look forward to eating, I managed to lose a stone about a month ago but have probably put it back on again in the last two weeks!

I am just feeling a bit desperate really. I wish more than anything I could rewind the last twenty years! But life doesn’t work that way of course.

Can you be more specific re the £600 left over?

Personally I would:

A) cut up the credit card
B) meal plan (this will help you lose weight; reduce your shopping bills; cut down trips to the shop)

Deal with those first and stop worrying re being single!

Can you also say what’s included in £300 bills? Seems a lot unless it includes food

300 seems cheap to me for bills! TV license, council tax, gas, electric, Insurance, WiFi quickly adds up. That's easily 300 before you add life insurance to that list.
I have 600 a month left over. I manage on that each much Inc food and fuel.
I just do cheap meals.. Pasta is your friend and have no gym memberships etc.
Join a social club that you can walk to would help u meet ppl

Head over to the moneysavingexpert.com forums, specifically the debt free wannabe board. You can put up a list of incomings and outgoings and they will help you work out where to save/ cut back etc.There is loads of advice on budgeting etc. I like the challenges which help you keep track of spending.

I think you should look up some cheap, healthy meals and carefully plan what to buy so both saving you money and losing some weight. Also download the couch to 5k app and start running with a view to doing your nearest parkrun in say a few weeks. Again this will help you lose a bit of weight and feel better as exercise is great for mental health. You will need a pair of trainers but that’s about it so it’s cheap. If you enjoy it you could even join a running group and you might even meet someone.

Another thing I’m trying to do at the moment is intermittent fasting to lose some weight (need to lose about a stone) and it’s also saving me money! Yay.

Well, I do appreciate that but I need a life overhaul really, a dramatic one.

There aren’t any social clubs here. Not ones I could walk to and well, not any really. Just toddler groups and so on.

OK, if I were you I would spend 1 month writing down absolutely EVERYTHING you spend, to the penny.

Then I would know where to start with the financial stuff.

I would park everything else for another month.

One month fact-finding. You cannot solve a multi-layered problem (emotions, social life, weight, finances) all at once. You need to break it down.

If you can get a handle on your finances you can make a longer-term plan for other stuff.

Firstly, is there anyway you can consolidate the debt? Transfer the balance to an interest free credit card that can also do a free cash transfer. Use the free cash transfer to pay off the overdraft and then cancel the overdraft facility so you don’t have that option. All your debt will then be on the one card, interest free and you can set up a monthly standing order to start paying this off. Keep an eye on deals for cards and always swap to an interest free one before you get charged interest. Mine saving expert is a great site for advice. Do you have anything you can sell? I recently made £300 selling old clothes/shoes on eBay!

Please never write off meeting someone, 38 is still young! It sounds like you need to boost your self esteem first, maybe join a slimming club which would help with both social life and weight loss. Exercise classes also can be sociable. Explore other clubs and groups that you are interested in.
Meal planning for your week helps you save money and means you have healthy meals to eat.
Try not to focus on meeting someone, focus on making yourself happy and confident and you might just find that the right person comes along.

That’s good advice - thanks.

It’s not young really, in terms of starting a family it’s pretty old.

That’s the problem. I’m too old to get what I want but too young for death soon to be a relief.

Oh yes, couch to 5k and parkrun and both great and parkrun can be very sociable also!

I don’t want to sound as if I’m knocking back suggestions but I’m far too big and I can’t run!

Op
First put other issues aside and get a grip on your debts, cut up the credit card, set up a d/d to pay off a set amount each month... as much as possible as you must be paying huge interest.
Only have a debit card then you cannot get further into debt.
Plan a budget and Stick to it..no more lattes or snacks or takeaways or whtever you are frittering money on, plan to do this till say Xmas then plan for another 2 months once you can see progress.
Be disciplined. When you want to waste money on crap food, make yourself go for a 30 minute fast walk instead then have a coffee at home. Your mood will lift, you will save money and lose some weight.
Weigh weekly to motivate you.

As you lose weight you will have the benefit of fitting back into clothes, a good motivator.
Find something you like doing at home that you can just use as a treat, scented bath or saved favourite programme, when you want to spend or snack do that instead for an hour and you will feel better.

If you want to be really dramatic go all out to pay off your debts then look for a completely different job in a new area maybe a big city or overseas...but you hgave to get rid of the debt to make the change so make that your motivator.....best of luck op..

...and stop saying No. If you can't run, walk.

You need to start somewhere, might as well be here and now

You can still have a child if you want one, you can do it alone if you want.

But not with massive debts and without a handle on your health and mental wellbeing.

So start with the finances.

Yes, sorry, I don’t think I’ve been very clear. I’ll try again.

I have about 2k debt on credit cards. My credit cards are maxed. When I try to pay them back, I end up falling short in other areas so I end up using the credit cards. I could cut them up but ultimately this would mean not being able to pay car insurance or other essential. It’s a merry go round of pay off debt, lack living expenses, resort to debt.

It just all feels so totally hopeless. It’s not just the money but it’s the realisation that my life’s ruined.

Walking for Health is a great activity just google it to find local groups in your area and it’s free!

Too old to get what you want? I’m not sure that sounds right. I though that was excellent advice before about tackling one problem at time.
If I was you I would make a list of what I wanted. Then narrow down what I could make happen myself, what I can control (like paying extra off debt every month you can do - you can’t make someone fall in love with you).
Narrow down some practical steps to achieve it. Do that and on to the next one. I would hope by doing this when I re visit my list in a few months I’m happy and feel better and some of the stuff that felt I couldn’t control was now appearing more achievable. I hope you feel better chin up

Pause! You are being very hard on yourself. You have a full time job, good earnings, managing to juggle lots of difficult finances and sound lovely.

Be kind to yourself. Think about what IS going well in life (don’t say nothing!) and then look at moving forward. Focus on one or two priorities, money and being as healthy as you can maybe and you’ll be in a more confident place to find love.

X

So you have about £2700 debt? That's not debt up to your ears.

The car finance can't really be got out of sensibly. So that has to stay.

Try this for the credit card debt:
www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/minimum-repayments-credit-card/

If I was you I would spend the next 6 weeks or so sorting everything out. Think of it as a Christmas present to yourself.

Have a look at money saving expert and sort out getting an interest free transfer to another credit card so you can start your paying your debt off.

Then as others said, write down absolutely everything you are spending money so you get a clear picture of where your money is going.

See if you have anything you can sell on eBay to raise some more cash to pay debts.

Think about how you are going to sort out your eating habits and control your eating. I joined slimming world and it has certainly stopped my comfort eating and made me more aware of what I eat. I also get a lot out of the weekly meetings. I know that doesn’t suit everyone but it does suit me. I enjoy the chats I have there and have had a lot of support from the others with various events in my life.

Lastly, have a think about what you like to do when not working. Perhaps look at joining a club locally or near your work? You might make new friends there who have similar interests to you, and then who knows where those friendships will lead?

Good luck.

I don't mean to be harsh OP, but you will have to tighten your belt for a bit because on 2k home pay, one should be able to live quite fine.

Can you move your credit card debt to a interest free card? That would save you a LOT.

You need to break down what you spend that 600 on. PROPERLY break it down to a penny. Sort the money first so you can concentrate on the other points.

Have a look when your contracts end. For example wifi. If you are paying 35, you can find new deal for under 20.

First, do what sabs22 says. Then I think you should look at the car. this is a large expense per month. Is this a particularly new, or largish car? If so, do you really, really need such a new or largish car? Would an older, smaller, one be ok? Is this £270 a month going on a car loan, or a lease?

Your life is not ruined.

And you’re just making the absolutely classic mistake people make when trying to sort out their debts. Paying off too much without knowing what you can afford, then getting in deeper and more discouraged.

Loads of people are in the same boat, on the credit ‘float’. It’s possible to sort it out.

But not until you start at the beginning.

1. Can you get rid of the car?
2. Get a weekend job in a pub- you can meet people, improve your social life and earn money
3. Set up a singles group with outings -see above
4. Download Sweatcoin and get paid to exercise
5. Sell old clothes?
6. Swap cards and transfer balance to a card with lower apr you might get money for swapping?
7. Join one of those “eat for a pound a day “groups they are amazing!
8. Join the recycling groups for free furniture.
9. Give yourself a budget to spend daily and stick to it!