AIBU to ask what you’d do if you were me, as I am in a complete mess?

[Inacompletemess]

My life is in absolute chaos and I need help, but please be kind.

1. Money, I’m in debt up to my ears.

My take home pay is £2000

Rent - £450
Car finance - £270 (the agreement I have says I have to pay that whether I have the car or not, the car is needed for work so selling it isn’t sensible)
Loan - £280
Bills - £300
Car insurance - £75

In theory I should have around £600 left to play with. It soon goes on petrol and so on. Also, I have credit card debt of around £2000 and an overdraft of £700. Every month I am borrowing money from both to stay afloat. I’ve looked into getting a second job but it’s difficult as I already work full time.

1. Sad and lonely I’m chronically single. I’ve given up trying to meet someone to be honest. I regret not trying harder when I was younger. Most of my friends either married boyfriends they met at university or spent their twenties prioritising meeting someone. I stupidly didn’t do this and now I’m 38, alone and probably going to stay that way. I LOVE children and it really does hurt me so much to know I won’t have them.

1. Weight ... it’s fair to say this has never been easy for me. It’s probably why I’ve never met someone. I feel food is my only friend really - I don’t really have any friends any more and I only really look forward to eating, I managed to lose a stone about a month ago but have probably put it back on again in the last two weeks!

I am just feeling a bit desperate really. I wish more than anything I could rewind the last twenty years! But life doesn’t work that way of course.

Someone I work with is a size 20+ (and not in a cute curvy way) with bad teeth and acne. She is married with 3 kids.
She seems to have an absolute zest for life though, which is the thing.
I do agree with the people who suggested you think about getting some mild antidepressants to help you out of this trough of despair.
Could you volunteer for something? You never know who you might meet - and of course you can't hope to be friends with or even like many of the people you do meet, but there will be one that clicks, I promise.

It's not your weight or your face that's unattractive. Or your bank balance.

Every single suggestion that has been made in good faith to or question asked of you, you've either completely ignored or shot down in flames - and now you're adding to the catastrophising by telling people that they can't possibly understand or be as hideously ugly as you.

If you don't want to be at home for 38 hours and not speak to a single soul, get off your self pitying backside and go out. There is no big, expensive city in the world that ONLY has activities for Mums and babies. There will be gigs - free ones. There will be casual - and free - clubs held in pubs. There will be galleries, libraries, parks, museums. There will be art clubs, yoga classes, meditation classes (both of which I think could help you a lot), free talks, exhibitions in random places. There will be voluntary groups, helping old people, children, dogs, cats, the Woodland Trust, BTCV, community gardening projects.

You've had the kind versions of answering your original question (what would you do?), and that hasn't worked, so have a blunt one;

Stop fucking moaning and do something about it.

That went well.

So you do have some guts then - now use that energy to change your life instead of passively waiting for somebody to rescue you.

I think you need to start somewhere. In a way it doesn't matter where. Just chose one thing and do it differently no matter how hard or pointless it seems. Life is hard for most people at some point. Accept that and get on with making a change. When you've done that make another and so on. Everyone has to deal with obstacles of some sort or another. Know that and get on with the project of overcoming yours.
The only alternative is to do nothing and that's really not much fun.

Hi op, re finances

How much is your loan? What is left on it? How long left?

Your car, what is it worth, what do you owe, how long left? Is there a balloon payment?

Also, what is the breakdown of "bills" as 300 seem excessive for a house share?
How many are you sharing with?

What are you spending the £600 on?

@maddening @EnFinale not sure if you've RTFL but the OP isn't replying to specifics or taking advice from anyone. People have already tried and got nowhere. She's now resorted to calling people who offer advice c**ts.

I watched tonight's episode of Flirty Dancing and it was so great. No, I am not suggesting you go for Flirty Dancing, although I am sure some people I know met people at Ceroc classes in London!

www.channel4.com/programmes/flirty-dancing/on-demand/69205-001

It's juts so damn positive and lovely. The first two people were a bit insecure and the young. The lad was desperately talking his changes down! But the presenter really encouraged him and he did a fab dance with a lovely young lady and it just made me smile.

Sorry if this is not appropriate but I think it is so easy to talk ourselves and our chances down.

OP it’s not your looks that are unattractive - you do sound really quite mean and bitter - and just not a very nice person at all.

At first I cared and was invested - and wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. But each post of yours has got progressively worse. now I’m disinterested like @OxfordCat and probably others

@cannycat20 amongst others have invested time into answering YOUR question and kindly provided 100s of valid answers/ideas. But you ignored it and shut it down.

@penguinsonice explained she had an awful degenerative disease and you have the nerve to shut her down and say your situation is so much worse (hmm HOW?) it sounds like you are healthy so what’s your excuse for being so bitter?

Do you really think you are the only 38 year old single woman who is overweight and has Some (tiny amount of) debt?? Really? Come to London and you will notice that a quarter of the population are probably the same but they just get on with it.

You seemed to want help - but you obviously don’t.

So I guess you will be living this life that makes you so unhappy for another 38 years.

I know @OxfordCat, that’s why I bolded it

Why do you think nobody on this thread is speaking from experience, OP? You have been given some excellent advice, and all you are doing is whining that you caaaan't, it's too haaaaard. Did you expect your perfect life to just drop into your lap? What have you actually been doing to achieve your goals?

You have two choices. Make an effort, lower your standards and expectations, get out there and live your life as hard as you can, and hope for the best.

Or sit in your room for the rest of your life, complaining that you can't possibly change, you walk lots ALREADY, you have tried things ALREADY, it's so UNFAIR.

Re

Wow, some really unpleasant and uneccesary comments. If people invest their previous time underlying to the OP that is their choice!

They don't have the right to expect the OP to follow their advice or supply answers to their questions!

OP I do hope you will come back and let us know how you are getting on.I do hope you will make the changes you can make.