I was a small, bespectacled, red headed, skinny asthmatic as a kid prime target for bullies.
As a result and after the first time I was targeted (I’m eldest) by a shit of a boy who trapped my fingers in a door hinge and slammed the door, the school were fucking useless and believed his “accidental” bollocks, my tough weegie parents taught me (and my siblings) certain things:
Don’t start a fight but if someone else starts one finish it! If someone hits/pushes/kicks you, you do the same right back! If school have a problem with that we will 100% back you up (which they always did)
They backed this up showing us certain “Moves” to use against attackers who were bigger & stronger than us.
Stand up for others who are being bullied
Where I am “good” is I’m quite gobby and generally quite quick on the verbal side of things which is where girls can tend to go down that route with their bullying.
The problem is schools and police don’t take bullying seriously and even when they do, particularly with schools now they’re very ltd what they can do as they’re not even bloody allowed to raise their voices!
When I was at school (70’s and 80’s) there was at least sanctions that were hated by pupils which meant they had something they could use as a deterrent, litter picking duties, INSTANT after school detentions, being banned from special events like day trips and end of term discos, being put in a desk in the far corner of the classroom and not being allowed to speak... AND they could shout at pupils! Tell them off properly!
Now the govt expects teachers to be able to maintain control when they aren’t even allowed to raise their voices or say ANYTHING that can be construed as “negative” it’s fucking ridiculous!
As a repeated new girl (dad army) I had a few try it on, I employed the tactics parents had taught me if it was physical, on one occasion I didn’t even need to do that in response to a threat, I got the classic (as teacher had just appeared) “school gate! Home time! YOU are getting battered” they expected me to somehow hide from them, instead I was stood arms folded, determined look waiting for THEM at the school gate and it completely took the wind out their sails. A few years later I bumped into them I asked why they backed down and they replied honestly that I was a good half foot shorter and much less strong than them yet I’d been “bonkers” enough to turn up and be willing to have a go at defending myself “I knew you don’t mess with someone that bonkers, I thought you might have others nearby to back you up you were that confident”
Dd had a situation that was much harder to deal with as it was a “mean girls” the bully was her “friend” situation. So more gaslighting and manipulation than overt bullying I found that incredibly hard to deal with, with hindsight I should have just told the little madam to pack it in!! I talked a LOT with dd in terms of building her confidence, talking about how real friends don’t do stuff like this, how she didn’t have to put up with it etc eventually dd “saw the light” and told “friend” to fuck off!
But yea with more straightforward bullying a not so quiet word can be very effective! As a big sister I did that on a few occasions with kids who tried it with my siblings.
@afternoonspray I too had to deal with a teacher bullying dd, after trying the accepted procedure another incident occurred and we’d had enough, I marched into the school and fortuitously the hmie inspector was there too, let’s just say I put it in words of one syllable (but no swearing and didn’t raise my voice) that if said teacher bullied dd once more I’d be dealing with her myself not leaving it to the head! This was primary school too. We actually left the area & school shortly after for other reasons but stayed in touch with friends from there, teacher was sacked for slapping a child not 2 years later! She was a nasty piece of work who should never have been allowed anywhere near children.
“My suggestion for dealing with bullies is that they should be subject to the law on assault once they reach the age of criminal responsibility.” YES! But not only assault but any other actions which are illegal like cyber bullying. We are FAR too soft on this stuff.