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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To sneakily admire this mum of a bullied child

246 replies

churchandstate · 06/11/2019 14:35

I read this expecting to be disgusted, then I watched the video and by the time she was putting her hair up I couldn't help it: I begrudgingly liked her. Shocking that it came to this, but I can only imagine she was at the end of her tether.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7655161/Disturbing-moment-raging-mother-confronts-sons-bully-expletive-laced-rant.html#comments-7655161

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 07/11/2019 12:20

It’s equally likely the child has learnt aggressive behaviour from a parent. So it could be either of the children really.

Oliversmumsarmy · 07/11/2019 12:26

It seems that despite all the anti bullying policies in the world unless a parent retaliates by screaming in the face of some little shit and threatening them then the bullies carry on and the school don’t do anything of any meaning.

WhenPushComesToShove · 07/11/2019 12:31

This is what happens when schools/police/ authorities refuse to deal with this stuff. When my son was quite small a bigger boy (year older) kept hurting him. The school where this took place were very lily livered about dealing with it until one day I'd had enough and became the woman from that film Hand That Rocks The Cradle. I went up to the lad very calmly and said I'm really very unhappy that you keep hurting my son. Do it once more and I will do it back to you. Only I'm bigger and stronger and you really don't want to find out how that feels. Still feel guilty about intimidating a child but it absolutely became necessary and I would do it again in a heartbeat to save my dear child from pain and anguish.

ffswhatnext · 07/11/2019 12:52

@LeahMe
It doesn't antagonise me at all. It's a very valid question.
And there isn't a one fit all solution, and I think this is where a problem lies. Policies, then at least, were catered to the masses. Which makes sense because you need something to fall back on. But there should be some discretion to speed things up a hell of a lot quicker. There are, but even then it takes time.

How it's dealt with then depends if it's a one off, ongoing, or whatever. . So I would have a chat, use stars, let the parents know, letting management depends because I'm not going to run off every moment to them. Then, of course, there's losing things and detentions, taken from the class etc.

Regardless of what happened and the steps I took, even if it just for me, I kept notes. A small book just for the purpose of noting these things down. Why? To see if there was anything else going on. Sometimes it is just a silly thing because they are still learning. They do loads at home they cannot do at school, so of course, they try. Just like we did. Many of my colleagues did the same from lunch staff to management.

It is also unfortunately done to cover our asses from management. We tell them, we do what we have to do in terms of reporting. Time and date all written. So if they come back to have a go because someone else is having a go at them, we can say well actually. It happens and you would be amazed how many starts shouting at you for their fuck up.

It is often a judgement call. When you spend time with them you know who is seeing how far they can push. You have to expect it.

Once they are out of the classroom all we can do is raise our concerns and leave it in whoever deals with that, hands. Although I have gone overheads on more than one occasion when SS or whoever has needed to be brought into it. Nice management, understand. Not so nice, another shouting match from that dickhead because you have dared to do that.

There's very little support for staff. Report bullying to whoever. Fill out loads of paperwork. You do what you do in the class within the policy.

We see that something is going on, We see it in the kids' eyes sometimes. Their posture etc. Their pictures. The things they write. The things they say and do. Victim/bully both have things that show. It's like your own child, you know when something is wrong. And in the meantime, we are reporting away and filling in fucking paperwork. And talking to management.
Try this, and try that they suggest because their hands are tied.
So we go on and on.

We go home and it's never over. You are worried about little Tommy and Sally (victim and bully) and others in the class.
It can really mess with your head. You're begging for support, for help, but there is none because the budget isn't there or their hands are tied whilst we follow every fucking step of a policy.

And those that sit back and do nothing need sacking. They are in the wrong job. If they aren't doing the protection part of the job they shouldn't be there. And yes I have also whistleblown on colleagues when needed. Even told one person I had (not my last school)

Hope it all makes sense. I waffle way too much at times lol. Probably a good thing I'm no longer in education, nothing would be taught 😂

mumsince2018 · 07/11/2019 13:03

I'm against bullying 100% and I'm not joking if someone touched my son (he's only 20 months atm) I would be the same. My sister used to get bullied at school and I used to be so protective of her.

Cuppachino · 07/11/2019 13:18

What exactly are you trying to prove Cheesecake?

Please ignore her. She picked apart all my posts earlier on in the thread, her posts don't even make sense. I've seen her on other threads doing the same thing, best to blank her.

IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 07/11/2019 13:25

Cuppachino I certainly did not “pick apart” your posts earlier, which I have already addressed with you earlier in the thread. You clearly felt I was picking on you for some reason, I don’t know why, but as I explained I have engaged with numerous other posters on this thread. I certainly did not “target” you by engaging with your posts on this thread. You seem to have taken a personal dislike to me, which is fine, but Please don’t start roping other’s into whatever it is you’re doing. You don’t have to agree with me or my opinion but I’m certainly not doing anything wrong in having my opinion and discussing it here. I haven’t hounded you or gone looking through your posts on other threads. I’ve done nothing other than engage with your comments on this thread in relation to the topic being discussed. Don’t make this into something it isn’t.

ChilledBee · 07/11/2019 14:00

Now imagine- if someone had had a “non aggressive” confrontation with the mum when she was at school she wouldn’t have been able to beat up the smaller bully that was bullying her child, because the “non aggressive” confrontation would have ended all her bullying tendencies. Right?

Being bad doesn't mean you're a bully. Some of the worst bullies I've known weren't the type to be disruptive in class. That's what I mean by bad. She might have had fights, in fact I know she used to fight boys, but she was never a bully AFAIK. And her daughter was polite,hard working and an all round lovely girl. Her reason for not coming forward about it sooner was that she knew her mum would go ape shit and so would her older cousins. Apparently the crime which warranted bullying was "thinking she is too nice" because she has long hair. The bully girl cut her hair with scissors. Not much but enough to need a proper cut.

LeahMe · 07/11/2019 14:14

@ffswhatnext thank you for your reply. Makes perfect sense to me. In my school none of the teachers took bullying seriously.

Sounds like you were trying to tackle the issue of bullying, I admire you whistleblowing it certainly isn’t easy to do. I hope you are in better employment with a more relaxed atmosphere x

WorraLiberty · 07/11/2019 16:11

And "Know yourself" is a great piece of advice. Know who you really are..bully, coward, selfish gobshite, humanitarian...know who you really are, own it! Far too few people ever reflect upon themselves honestly!

That's not what 'Know yourself' means though.

It's what bullies say to whoever they're bullying as a rule. In other words, "You're not big and hard enough to stand up to me or fight me".

So she was basically saying "Know yourself" as in he wasn't hard enough to take her on.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 07/11/2019 16:20

Isn't it?

Ooh! Another learning moment. Thanks Worra

Though I do think my version makes more sense, if you aren't a crazy, fuck you and the horse you rode in on, hard nut!

WorraLiberty · 07/11/2019 16:28

Yes, your version is by far the nicest and would sound great coming from a Psychotherapist or perhaps a grandparent Grin Grin

CuriousaboutSamphire · 07/11/2019 16:33

... or Yoda?!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 07/11/2019 16:35

Sadly though it's a teacher thing. Reflective Practice turns you into a really boring navel gazer and occasionally it escapes off the page and into the real world - and I got out 5 years ago (when will I ever be free of all things teacher?)

JacksonPillock · 07/11/2019 17:52

Know yourself basically means know your limits. Stay in your lane.

CravingCheese · 07/11/2019 18:58

And "Know yourself" is a great piece of advice. Know who you really are..bully, coward, selfish gobshite, humanitarian...know who you really are, own it! Far too few people ever reflect upon themselves honestly!

That's what know yourself means to me as well, yes.

But it was imo rather obvious that this couldn't be what she actually meant.

Anyhow. As I said, bullying is brutal and if her child really has been getting bullied viciously? And if nothing seemed to bring relief? I have a lot of sympathy for a parent who might simply snap.

But I truly don't understand why she (?) filmed it and put it online! That seems incredibly weird to me... And like it might simply cause further harm to her child!!

WorraLiberty · 07/11/2019 19:23

She didn't film it, the kids did and they put it online.

Her child must be mortified at people seeing his mum like that but that part wasn't her doing.

ButterTarts · 07/11/2019 19:52

Fwiw, the child in the video has responded:

“I’m not the bully. Ms Finn’s son has a long track record of bullying other kids, especially girls"

But who knows.

knittedgoldfish · 07/11/2019 20:05

She seems very aggressive. Like a bit of a bully herself really.

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/11/2019 20:11

ButterTarts

I am reminded of the Austrialian child (and his mates) that filmed him bullying another child who pick him up and smashed him in to the ground. He said that he wasn't a bully either.

I suspect in this case that as in most cases its not as clear cut as only one child is the bully.

Candle1000 · 07/11/2019 20:13

My dd was bullied at school, I reported it to the teacher , head of year and head master but nothing was done to stop it . I do understand that teachers have a hard job and maybe their hands are somewhat tied but they seemed to think it was ‘harmless’ name calling . It wasn’t , it was spitting, pushing and shoving (til dd fell over ) , hair pulling, stealing her bag and chucking it over a wall , all done by six girls all at once, surrounding my dd .

I despise bullies and don’t blame this mother for losing her shit.

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