To sneakily admire this mum of a bullied child

[churchandstate]

I read this expecting to be disgusted, then I watched the video and by the time she was putting her hair up I couldn't help it: I begrudgingly liked her. Shocking that it came to this, but I can only imagine she was at the end of her tether.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7655161/Disturbing-moment-raging-mother-confronts-sons-bully-expletive-laced-rant.html#comments-7655161

by whom and how?

What I mean by that is that any three strike rule or stricter policy wouldn’t come into play until juniors, at the youngest (probably Y6) and the focus would be on teaching the children why it was so important not to bully.

Like PRUs? We couldn't get a military style as "think of the children / what if their family life is shit" objections. And the costs would not make it viable. I certainly wouldn't work for the money that would generate.

It would take a lot of political will to make something like this happen, I agree, but I think it would work. I think most people would choose the tutor option because they wouldn’t want their children sent away anyway.

I’m in 2 minds about this. She sounds VERY much like a 15 year old bully (“you better know yourself” ) and I wonder if she’s ever really left scrapping at the school gate. But maybe I’m being judgemental.

Hell yes! I am with you OP. No doubt there was no support from the school, so she dealt with it herself. Torture to see a child suffer at the hands of bullies.

I would only deal with it this way if the children were older - 15 or 16. Not to a young child. But I would be going round and having words with the parents instead. And I would happily skip into prison to be honest.

I 've done this three times (but without any swearing - more an ice cold threatening voice) . I did it when DS2 was bullied by a teacher and again when DS1 was bullied by a boy in his class. I felt a white rage on both occasion. Also did it when both DC were bullied by some older boys in an amusement park on holiday. On all three occasions it worked better than I expected and those children never bullied my DC again. I love standing up to bullies. They don't expect it and they crumble.

not sure why you put that in quotations- he’s clearly a child)

I know he is. Just not an innocent one. I prefer to describe bullies as little shits rather than children.

@yabadabadontdoit - I was sad to read your post. I'm so sorry your DD and you are going through this. My DD15 has been bullied and as a parent it's the worst thing to go through. I hope your situation improves

“I love standing up to bullies. They don't expect it and they crumble.”

Me too

Ffs just because the PHONE is lower than she is doesn’t mean the KID is. In fact by her eyeline he’s about the same height as her 🙄

Agree pass. I’ve seen it enough to recognise it. My youngest child has SEN and when he started a new class was targeted almost instantly by 3 boys- one was the very obvious leader. I was hearing the same shit again and again. They knew exactly which buttons to push to get him to have a meltdown- and then they got to claim victim status. They were bullying him but very loudly telling everyone they were his victims. I knew the family the ring leader comes from and bullying is just in their blood. It comes across in every interaction you have with them and they’re always the victim. One of the family started on me in the street just like the woman in the video about my child’s supposed bullying of theirs. They learned a few home truths that day. I’ve seen their child since in other settings (I moved my child- school were useless) and he was doing exactly the same sneaky goady shit to other children with his little gang backing him up.

My suggestion for dealing with bullies is that they should be subject to the law on assault once they reach the age of criminal responsibility. Also, that the default at school should always be to remove the bully, not the person being bullied. I am partially blind in one eye from a gang of boys bashing my head against a cloakroom peg when I was at primary school. Had to go back in to see all the same boys at school sniggering at my eye patch. My mother got the local police officer to go in to the school to give the boys a talking to, offer them and their parents an "optional" trip to see the cells where they would end up if there was a repeat. Problem is that now the police would pass the buck to the school.

Anyone who has seen "Bake Off Nadia's" heartbreaking documentary about the MH consequences of bullying will know that it is often a life sentence for those who are victims of bullying.

I was bullied at school and would have loved to have had this mum to fight my corner.

Whilst I can understand the desperation, I can’t agree with this course of action.

It might work.

It might not. In fact the bully could potentially up his campaign and goad the mother into actually doing it...which will probably end up with police action

Bullies are awful. I was bullied. But I don’t realistically thing there is much you can do outside of school

@IWork - I agree that happens too. But it's not necessarily true that the mother who goes on the attack is in the wrong. DS (who also has SEN) was the target of a bully who was always sweetness and light in front of adults. Teachers adored him, but he often reduced my son to tears.

I had a real go at him one day and he left my son alone after that. Another mother who'd witnessed the whole thing took me aside and told me off for upsetitng him. A few years later her son was held down by his cronies while the sweet angel kicked his head in. He'd been the subject of similar levels of bullying and manipulatin as my son but she'd minimised it.

I find it deeply sad and distrubing that the typical adult response to bullies is so meek. You have to stand in front of them like The Hulk and let them know you see through every game they play. They can sense whether or not you mean it so you have to mean it. And if you do they back down because they are lazy and would rather attack someone who won't give them any comeback.

I can relate to the sentiment but it's a risky strategy that could easily backfire, maybe her instincts are sharp enough to know how to handle it...or maybe they arent.

I have done this to someone bullying my brother (years ago) I heard him planning another ambush on my brother, I slammed the little shit against a wall and said if likes bullying so much maybe he’d like to be bullied by me, warned him if I heard of him bullying anyone again his life would become hell... the bullying stopped instantly 😊👍

I had a real go at him one day and he left my son alone after that
bullies target people who are vulnerable and if you show that someone has your kid's back the bully will probably seek out another easier victim.

When he or she finds that victim (the one who's back no-one has)the bully will vent his/her humiliation and rage on the new victim.
I'm not saying that tiger mother is the wrong way to play it but you are probably not solving the real problem, you are just teaching the bully to screen victims more thoroughly imo

I think most people would choose the tutor option because they wouldn’t want their children sent away anyway. And that's were it gets tricky. What teacher would want to sit in an isolation room with an angry, uncontrolled kid? How much would it pay and could it be sustainable? How many subject specialists would you have in any one establishment to accommodate the number of excluded kids there could be.. or how would you fill the timetable of an individual teacher to make it worth their while / cost effective?

Where would that be?

That's why PRUs exist. And they are a very mixed bag / can of worms.

Sorry, I know I am being negative, but the reason a solution as you describe does not exist is it cannot. There are no facilities, not teaching staff and no workable budget for it.

The only solution I can see is quite Draconian and starts not with the kids but with police action. A huge increase in police numbers and a will to prosecute and punish every single misdemeanour, from littering to BDSM/sex gone wrong murders.

Basically I believe that the perspective of a number of sci fi writers from the 50's - 70s is right: the health of a society can be guaged by one simple measure, every day politeness. Lose that and the society is lost. And, as that clip shows, we have lost every day politeness... in all ages.

Sometimes it's the only way to stop it. I gave a boy in my year a beating for bullying my younger brother - he was very embarrassed to have been hit by a girl. He is now a major league drug dealer - I'm probably lucky he's doing a 10 year stretch

I'm not saying that tiger mother is the wrong way to play it but you are probably not solving the real problem, you are just teaching the bully to screen victims more thoroughly imo Assuming you are not saying she shoudl sacrifice her own child so nobody elses gets hurt then all it takes is for the village to raise the child... EVERY parent of EVERY child stands up to the bully until the message gets through - to the bully and its parents and every possible victim!

But it's not necessarily true that the mother who goes on the attack is in the wrong.

I think anyone threatening to rip anyone’s face off is in the wrong tbh. That doesn’t mean the child isn’t a bully. He could be the vilest thug in the school. That doesn’t make her in the right in my opinion.

CuriousaboutSamphire

I would have solutions for those things:

• if the child was violent and aggressive, the tuition would take place behind glass
• if the child wouldn’t engage, there would be no attempt to force them
• the job would pay well (I would do it if I wasn’t expected to get the aggressive, disengaged child to pass, but jus arrive with well-prepared resources and a positive attitude)
• core subjects only

Etc. Where there’s a will there’s a way.

But I agree, young people who bully should be accountable to the law as well. Prison if necessary.

but you are probably not solving the real problem, you are just teaching the bully to screen victims more thoroughly imo

That can inly be solved by the school or the bully's parents. If none of them give a shit the parent of the bullied child is only responsible for their own child and their well being.

Good for her. She spoke to them in a way that makes them understand she means business. He was cocky until she mentioned who her son was, then he knew where the anger was coming from and that's when he got worried because he knew in that moment that she didn't give a fuck about the law he felt was protecting him "You can't touch me". His whole tone and attitude changed.

I have spend nights comforting my son over bullies. I have spent mornings encouraging him to go to school even though he was frightened. He has changed schools. We have had the board of governors involved as well as the local education authority. We've spoken to the parents. Nothing changed. My son was 7 at the time and wanted to take his own life.

To the PP who said kids should be taught to deal with it themselves. Seriously? My 7 year old should have been able to deal with it, emotionally and physically by himself? Being dragged to the floor and kicked in the face? Do you also tell women they should teach themselves how to deal with domestic violence? That people who are mugged have themselves to blame for not knowing how to defend themselves? YOU are part of the problem.

I think anyone threatening to rip anyone’s face off is in the wrong tbh.

If anyone did to my daughter what was done to me,I wouldn't just threaten it, I'd actually do it.