To sneakily admire this mum of a bullied child

[churchandstate]

I read this expecting to be disgusted, then I watched the video and by the time she was putting her hair up I couldn't help it: I begrudgingly liked her. Shocking that it came to this, but I can only imagine she was at the end of her tether.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7655161/Disturbing-moment-raging-mother-confronts-sons-bully-expletive-laced-rant.html#comments-7655161

It starts with the child saying 'You can't touch me, you can't touch me'

Clearly, thinking that the rules of a protected life apply at all times.

Then the 'bully' is introduced into the real world, where un acceptable behavior can and does have consequences.

The 'I am safe as you can do nothing' is a huge issue for teachers, emergency services, and any one who tries to challenge unacceptable behavior.

It is actually quite refreshing when someone pushes back, and makes the bully think twice.

Sometimes it seems like you have no other choice to do this.
Schools don't do much if anything about, and some will go as far as saying there isn't bullying going on.
You go to school and some will say that somehow you have to also think about what the bully is going through.

You approach the parents in desperation, who either tell you to fuck off, your kid deserved it.. Or oh no not my Tommy/Sarah they wouldn't do that. If you're lucky you will find the one who accepts it.
You've just been contacted by the school again because the child has not been bullied but collect anyway. That's of course if you managed to get the child there, to begin with.

If no-one is prepared to confront bullies and tell them to back off, then how does it stop?

The child can only do so much for themselves. Sometimes when they fight back, so does the bully. And then what? Now the victim is facing detention and still getting bullied.

When you send your child to school you expect that they will be safe. There should be done to tackle bullies. What I don't know. But the current method isn't working.

Obviously I can go base this on my experience, but I really don't remember it being so rife. Yes, it happened, but not on the level it is today.

@FridalovesDiego - The child was 'big' enough to bully her son, so should be big enough to deal with any fall out.

FridalovesDiego

I am not sure it does. If the child was on a bike or holding the phone next to his chest that would be the angle I would expect. And some women are tall anyway, it doesn’t mean the person they’re speaking to is a little child.

The only way schools will ever be able to deal with bullying now is to repeal the ban on corporal punishment... or some equally abhorrent alternative.

Seriously, detentions etc have now been shown not to work, or parents make up brilliant excuses for their kids not to take them. We have multiple generations whose immediate mantra is "You can't touch me". How do we break that, to get them to understand that along with their rights come responsibilities?

How do we show the Teflon Generations that they can be hurt, just as they can influct hurt?

How do we balance that with the likelihood that many bullies are hurt at home?

How do we balance caring for the abused bully with caring for the bullied?

Not simple and made worse by the uber-PC society we seem to have grown that just doesn't want to acknowledge that sometimes you just have to come face to face with the consequences of your actions, no matter how painful.

.Bullies exist everywhere. Good parents teach their children how to deal with them.

Please share your magic formula Veleveteen . Or am I just not a good parent? At the moment my dd deals with them by cutting herself and hitting her head hard on her wall. She also saved up enough tablets to kill herself. So your amazing skills would be welcome

It is actually quite refreshing when someone pushes back, and makes the bully think twice.

How do you know the bully has thought twice?

Honestly, I live in a rough area and things like this never end well.

What tends to happen is all the kids see it on social media and then want to make a name for themselves by having a pop at the child.

Maybe it is accurate though.

Of course. That’s why I said the child may or may not be bullying hers.

Is it just because she’s an adult and he’s a “child” that you’re doubting it?

No it’s her extreme aggression that clearly comes very naturally to her that makes me question if it’s as clear cut as is being claimed. Some people love any chance to thug up and will find ways to justify it. She may or may not be one of them.

Is it because she’s an adult and he’s a child (not sure why you put that in quotations- he’s clearly a child) that you’re believing her?

She's a fantastic mother and a hero. It's the only language bullies understand and they thrive on the fear that if they are reported, the victim will suffer more for it, always the same tactic. Truth is, once the victim can report to someone who can confront the bully, bully slinks into the shadows where they belong.

I think shes cut out for the "Diplomatic" service;!

Truth is, once the victim can report to someone who can confront the bully, bully slinks into the shadows where they belong.

Or they come back with a gang and beat the shit out of the kid.

Wow, I was bullied, would I have wanted my mum to do that? Hell no, how embarrassing. If these kids aren't afraid of teachers, police, their parents, what makes you think they'll give one shit about a ranting middle aged mum, who lets face it, hasn't got a cat's chance in hell of backing up her words with actions. Slow clap 👏

CuriousaboutSamphire

My suggestion would be this:

• a decreasing tolerance of aggression as children get older
• a three strike rule then exclusion and forfeiture of the right to a mainstream school place via a tribunal
• for children excluded for this, a choice of either a military-style boarding school or a contact centre-style one-to-one tutor (but only at the level of funding as would be spent on a school place)

aintnothinbutagstring

I think he believed her, though.

No it’s her extreme aggression that clearly comes very naturally to her that makes me question if it’s as clear cut as is being claimed. Some people love any chance to thug up and will find ways to justify it. She may or may not be one of them. Extreme aggression? She has her hands by her sides, she is slowly walking forward, laning in a little, and is speaking, not bellowing. She is not making any gestures, not waving her hands around, she is simply talking and walking.

If that is 'thugging up' then I have led and excruciatingly violent life!

I saw a young mum make a decison, calmly hand over her hat, put her hair up, square her shoulders and walk towards a lad who was taunting her with the usual "Can't touch this" spiel.

Remember who is taking the film and who cut it to show her in as bad a light as possible. This is the worst he could show .. and it has nothing of what prompted her or came afterwards.

Extreme aggression? She has her hands by her sides, she is slowly walking forward, laning in a little, and is speaking, not bellowing. She is not making any gestures, not waving her hands around, she is simply talking and walking.

😂😂😂 even you don’t believe that.

We know none of the backstory though, so why automatically applaud an adult threatening a child?

Good parents teach their children how to deal with them

Ah so kids who end up physically and psychologically scarred, often for life, by bullying don't have good parents. What a load of sanctimonious ignorant judgemental crap.

Or they come back with a gang and beat the shit out of the kid.

I'll take my chances since all else has failed. Please don't withhold your magic formula, we'd all like to use it.

aintnothinbutagstring

It’s not automatic for me. I accept she is being very aggressive and I also accept there is only one side of a story here. But overall, the conduct of the person holding the phone suggests to me that she isn’t pulling her accusations out of thin air.

@churchandstate I have been a teacher and I don't know how to implement those actions

a decreasing tolerance of aggression as children get older by whom and how?

a three strike rule then exclusion and forfeiture of the right to a mainstream school place via a tribunal we sort have that now, have had for decades. The right to an education, to be given one more, one more, one more, one more last chance (no I didn't stutter), seems to override every other right, we even have PRUs.

for children excluded for this, a choice of either a military-style boarding school or a contact centre-style one-to-one tutor (but only at the level of funding as would be spent on a school place) Like PRUs? We couldn't get a military style as "think of the children / what if their family life is shit" objections. And the costs would not make it viable. I certainly wouldn't work for the money that would generate.

I have no idea what would work. But I do fear that whatever it is it will be nasty. Look to America for examples!

@DarlingOscar
Have you got children who have been bullied & the bullying stopped after the school dealt with it?

Does anybody know the age of her son or the child she was speaking to?

The trouble is, I did this exact thing a few years ago after a year of group bullying of my Dd who I ended up having to remove from school and who didn't honour for a year.
I went to the house of one of the main instigators and went mental and even threatened her mother but they don't give a shit really and I wasn't going to add to our problems by getting into trouble and losing my job
However it did stop this one particular girl
Bullying is life changing and should be dealt with most severely

Typical DM story then, all the drama, none of the facts.