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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my MIL to stay in an AirBnB when she visits?

414 replies

LoverNotOfChicken · 05/11/2019 23:38

We have 3 kids and a 3 bedroom house. Lots of kids, toys and stuff! Rejig of rooms when she stays, blow up beds etc.

About 4 houses down is an AirBnB, £26 per night. Really nice lady runs / owns it. Is it unreasonable to suggest she stops there in future? MIL doesn't visit often, only 3 times a year for a 4 days, no FIL on the scene.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 06/11/2019 08:43

How is staying in a stranger’s spare room and sharing a bathroom with strangers “a little treat”?

Yappy12 · 06/11/2019 08:44

Hmm. Don't think I'd be too keen to share a bathroom with the owner either. £26 a night is cheap these days. Have you actually seen the rooms in this Air BNB?

Ellmau · 06/11/2019 08:46

Is the Airbnb sure to stay in operation for years to come (and at roughly that price)? If it closes the nearest alternative might end up costing a lot more in future - when fitting in MIL might be more difficult than it is now as the DC get older.

Fweakout · 06/11/2019 08:54

My kids wouldn't "happily bunk up" they would see it as a screamy exciting treat and wouldn't sleep til midnight, be overtired, have night terrors, refuse to get up for school... I don't have guests where the kids would need to move from their bedtime routines.

Fweakout · 06/11/2019 08:55

Not yet anyway. Might change when all are older.

ThatMuppetShow · 06/11/2019 09:01

wow some posters are just so rude and entitled! Getting in a strop because someone offers you a nice option.

OP, I would absolutely pay.

you invite someone, you arrange for their sleeping accommodation, it never means they have to camp on a sofa bed in your living room or you have to turf a child out, on what planet do people live?

As long as it's reasonable, why on earth would people get so nasty? It's such a childish and stupid reaction, honestly.

FinnBalorsAbs · 06/11/2019 09:03

We have exactly this issue every Christmas with my mum and dad. This is the second year we’ve booked an AirBnB for them. We pay but it’s worth every penny - my dad doesn’t get grumpy when he just needs some space and peace, no-ones sleeping on sofas and floors. It’s about five minutes away in the car so we collect / drop them off Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. The best thing last year was the feeling at 10pm when everyone was asleep or back at their AirBnB but DH and I so we could enjoy ten minutes peace just the two of us.

We did book a more expensive AirBnB though - sea view and own flat effectively so no landlord lurking. Parents see it as a festive mini break and it’s still cheaper than even a Premier Inn for the same period.

dottiedodah · 06/11/2019 09:07

I dont really know TBH, part of the visit is to see you all and be a part of the family .She may feel a little hurt, and if you get on well with her ,dont want to rock the boat! DH should have opinion on this really ,its his Mum after all.If she only comes every few months maybe best to leave well alone?

Fundays12 · 06/11/2019 09:10

I don’t think it’s very nice at all. She visits a few times a year do not much really and wants to see her family. Yes it’s disruptive but surely it’s a small price to pay for her seeing her sons and grandkids. I feel sorry for your poor MIL

saraclara · 06/11/2019 09:11

Would you ask your own mother to stay elsewhere? If yes, then it is not unreasonable to ask the same of your mother-in-law.

This is apples to oranges

Why is it apples to oranges, @LovePoppy? Is the mother of the male in the couple of lower status than the mother of the female?

I presume you don't have a son?

Original poster
LoverNotOfChicken · 06/11/2019 09:14

My mum passed away a long time ago so don't know what that relationship would have been like so no idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoverNotOfChicken · 06/11/2019 09:15

Don't feel sorry for her, she is much loved and we always ask her to stay and visit more often. She just choose not too.

OP posts:
JulietakaIris · 06/11/2019 09:20

How is staying in a stranger’s spare room and sharing a bathroom with strangers “a little treat”?

Indeed.

MorrisZapp · 06/11/2019 09:21

Yes the mother of the male is of lower status if said male is too 'laid back' to bother with the mental or physical load of organising and hosting guests.

BillieEilish · 06/11/2019 09:22

FinnBalors

So your scenario is 100% different then Hmm

Expensive AirBandB (sounds lovely)
Sea view
Self contained flat with own bathroom and NO landlord
A married couple, together, for company.

RaymondStopThat · 06/11/2019 09:23

And as for an en-suite she wouldn’t have on in ops home either

No but sharing a bathroom with a complete stranger is rather different from sharing with your own family.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 06/11/2019 09:26

we always ask her to stay and visit more often. She just choose not too.

I was 100% behind you OP until you said that. It sounds as if she’s only doing what you asked her to. Nether of you are wrong but on this occasion I think you might have to suck it up, but make different arrangements for further visits. I hope you all enjoy Christmas.

Original poster
LoverNotOfChicken · 06/11/2019 09:27

There is no other mum so she isn't competing for status with anyone. She isnt lower on the pecking order as she is the only one on it!

OP posts:
NoSauce · 06/11/2019 09:35

I’d ask her if she’d rather stay at the Airbnb if so then you should pay for her!

FinnBalorsAbs · 06/11/2019 09:37

@BillieEilish

Aren't you utterly charming? Well done on getting your eye roll on SO early in the day.

I was mostly posting responding to people talking about whether they'd send their mums to Airbnbs.

Some of the circumstances are different, but I didn't realise that only people who were posting from exactly the same scenario were allowed to have any input. Thanks so much for letting me know. Also, maybe try and dial down the chippy - it's more expensive than £26 a night because of where we live but they're not in the Ritz. As I said, it's still cheaper than any hotel we'd be able to book in the vicinity.

The fact is, only the OP knows how her MIL is going to react in this situation, and only the OP knows the kindest most tactful way to handle discussing it with her.

BillieEilish · 06/11/2019 09:42

Crikey Finn I had NO idea my reply was so offensive, I am sorry for offending you honestly.

It is just that your scenario is utterly different, as in, the objections I had in OP's scenario you have absolutely none of... it sounds a perfect solution in your case.

Sorry again! I was actually applauding YOU particular treatment of your parents.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 06/11/2019 09:43

Say it's a little treat for her!

If you're going to sell it as a little treat then at least treat her to a cheapy hotel rather than your neighbour's spare room.

If your neighbour's spare room wasn't available what would be the options?

Original poster
LoverNotOfChicken · 06/11/2019 09:48

There are a few other Airbnb rooms in the town, nearest hotel is 5 miles away. The idea was it would be close she she can come and go as she pleases (she doesn't drive) rather than a cheapy option.

OP posts:
Crazycrazylady · 06/11/2019 09:51

I think you need to ask yourself if your mom
Was alive. What you would do.?

I think my relations would be hurt if I did this.

NoSauce · 06/11/2019 09:51

Are you going to ask her if she prefers this suggestion OP or tell her it’s happening?