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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my MIL to stay in an AirBnB when she visits?

414 replies

LoverNotOfChicken · 05/11/2019 23:38

We have 3 kids and a 3 bedroom house. Lots of kids, toys and stuff! Rejig of rooms when she stays, blow up beds etc.

About 4 houses down is an AirBnB, £26 per night. Really nice lady runs / owns it. Is it unreasonable to suggest she stops there in future? MIL doesn't visit often, only 3 times a year for a 4 days, no FIL on the scene.

OP posts:

GrumpyHoonMain · 06/11/2019 03:34

This is your children’s only grandmother and you said yourself that she’s nice so I wouldn’t farm her out elsewhere. It’s only a few days every year.

Purpleartichoke · 06/11/2019 03:58

If it’s a room in someone’s home, then absolutely not. She should not be asked
To stay with a stranger. (I think people who do this I general are crazy, so asking someone else to do it would be beyond rude). If it is a full unit rental, then it is a great idea.

Blondebakingmumma · 06/11/2019 04:19

I don’t think it would hurt. She would go about her normal day with you and when she is ready to go to bed your DH can walk her there. If she’s really against it you and hubby can stay there and she can sleep in your bed

ffswhatnext · 06/11/2019 04:27

Why should it be a full rental unit?
What is wrong with hotels and b&b's?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with suggesting it.
Sooner or later this has to be addressed anyway. There are 5 people in a 3-bed house and three of them are still growing.
There's not really room there now for anyone else to stay.

Why should the children be moved around for 4 nights when there is a perfectly good alternative?
What happens if the children don't want to be moved from their space?

Unless its an unplanned overnight visit, I book into somewhere anyway. Same with people who come here. It's more relaxing if I can avoid the breakfast routine and the noise that comes with it. I can have a coffee when I am still not dressed. I can take my time without being disturbed. I can leave things like medication in the room, knowing I can just leave them there, but in a family home, I cannot do this.

ShippingNews · 06/11/2019 04:36

Why should the children be moved around for 4 nights when there is a perfectly good alternative?

Is it such a hassle though ? If you've got 3 children in a 3 bedroom house, presumably there is 1 child in one room and 2 children in another room. So only 1 child would be "put out" by the visit.

I'm a granny and I'd be a bit unhappy about this suggestion, to be honest. Waking up in someone else's house, eating on my own and then having to decided what is a good time to go over to your place.... I'd feel awful and I wouldn't feel welcome at all.

ffswhatnext · 06/11/2019 04:44

And where does that extra person go?
Put all three in together? What happens when this is no longer an option because they are no longer small enough, or the opposite sex and no longer young?
Put the extra one in the living room. This restricts the use of that room.

There is no saying she would be eating on her own. Go there to sleep. Wake up and if she wants she can have breakfast with them. And either way, she will be waking up in someone else's house.

ExhaustedFlamingo · 06/11/2019 05:03

I think it really depends. I can see why so many think it's a good solution and from a practical point of view it really is.

However, I'm with @ShippingNews on this, it all feels a bit sad. When you don't see family too often it's quite nice being in the hub of it, watching films together on TV until it's time to go to bed, or getting up and having breakfast together. Shuffling off to a lonely AirBnB at a reasonable hour and spending the rest of the night sat on your own, and then in the morning too until you feel you'd be welcome to go back over....she might feel a bit pushed out. I'd say it would be different if your FIL were coming to, but as she's a solo visitor it's a bit tight.

You know her character, and you know whether she's prefer this or not. We have some relatives who would be relieved at the thought of being able to escape for a few hours peace. And as I said, others who would feel really sad about the prospect. All you can do is try having an honest chat with her and see what she thinks. Personally though I'd be reassuring her that she's always welcome to kip at yours if she prefers.

OhTheRoses · 06/11/2019 05:24

My DC are grown up. For 30 years I have hosted MIL and had space to do so. It is hard work.

My DC aren't married yet and neither do they have families. I'd like to be close to them and help if I can (I'll be an older gran than theirs were - not that either helped much).

I would have no issue with staying in an airbnb although would probably prefer the closest Premier Inn or a local hotel. I'd prefer that tbh - it would give me a bit of space and peace ready for the fray of helping. I'd also be happy to pay for it as I imagine things are likely to be tight with three small DC.

ffswhatnext · 06/11/2019 05:39

There is no saying that she would be leaving at a reasonable hour and sitting alone in a room for long periods of time.

She can be around for the kids' bedtime. She can eat with them. There's no-one sleeping in the living room, so she can stay with them after the dc's are in bed. Have a chat and watch a film.

Then she can either go to the air BnB when the parents go to bed. Or carry on watching tv there and let herself out.

And equally, if she wants to leave earlier she can.

All that would be different is where she spent the night. No-one is going to miss out on anything, everyone is sleeping. So how is that a bit sad,?

happyasasandboy · 06/11/2019 06:22

In the same situation I would avoid the effort of rearranging rooms, blow up beds etc and let MIL stay in the family home by loving a small child in to bed with DH, MIL having the child's room, and I'll go to the B&B

happyasasandboy · 06/11/2019 06:23

moving not loving a small child into bed with DH!

makingmammaries · 06/11/2019 06:36

I wouldn’t like it if I were her. She probably likes to be part of your family during her short visits.

Toomboom · 06/11/2019 06:46

I am a gran and I have stayed in an air b&b when visiting my child and his family. It gave everyone their own space. I had no issues with it.

Mumdiva99 · 06/11/2019 06:47

We had 3 kids in a 3 bed house and used to offer the local hotel for guests. The only guests who stated with us were ones who could kip in the open plan lounge and deal with kids from 6/6:30 in the morning. We used to pay for the hotel and drop the guests there in the evening.

SandraOhshair · 06/11/2019 06:51

I cant see how hard it is to make 2 kids bunk up for a couple nights to make space for granny?

SpinySue · 06/11/2019 07:20

My mums always stays in a b&b when she visits my siblings, which she has been doing long before Airbnb began. She likes her own space and doesn't like putting her grandchildren out of their beds.

Although saying that, she wouldn't like to stay in someone else house either, I assume at that price it would just be a room mil would be renting rather than a whole flat?

JulietakaIris · 06/11/2019 07:25

I honestly cannot believe there are people who would make close family members pay to visit them. Meanwhile back in the real none MN world, yes I think suggestion of Air BNB fine but of course you pay.

BertrandRussell · 06/11/2019 07:30

Realistically- how nice a room is it for 26 quid a night? Have you seen it?

Beveren · 06/11/2019 07:39

I cant see how hard it is to make 2 kids bunk up for a couple nights to make space for granny?

Think about it - three children in a three bedroom house. It would have to be three children bunking up for the night, which may not even be physically possible.

ChileConCarne · 06/11/2019 07:44

It depends on her personality. I’d jump for joy if it was suggested I stay in a nice quiet air bnb!

Countryescape · 06/11/2019 07:46

What @Whereyouleftit said. I highly doubt he would be “soooooo laidback” if he was doing the organising.

Apolloanddaphne · 06/11/2019 07:47

In the summer we (me, DH and DD) took my FIL to visit SIL and family in a different country. I wasn't sure how they were going to fit us in to their fairly small house. When we go there we found out they had booked an airb&b house for me, DH and DD nearby. It was a perfect solution. We had our own space and they didn't feel the need need to be constantly hosting us. It allowed them more quiet time with FIL too.

Just talk to your MiL about the idea. She may think it is great and she may feel she can come and see you more often if she is not putting you out.

Countryescape · 06/11/2019 07:49

If I was the MIL I would be thrilled to stay in a quiet place

Monkeyseesmonkeydoes · 06/11/2019 07:52

Got the few times a year it isn’t would not book here in to an AIRBNB, she’s there to see you all. Is it really that much of an inconvenience to you to rejig bedrooms for a dozen nights a year?

Monkeyseesmonkeydoes · 06/11/2019 07:53

Offer, but offer to pay to and see how she feels. If she’d rather stay with you then let her, really depends on her personality

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