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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my MIL to stay in an AirBnB when she visits?

414 replies

LoverNotOfChicken · 05/11/2019 23:38

We have 3 kids and a 3 bedroom house. Lots of kids, toys and stuff! Rejig of rooms when she stays, blow up beds etc.

About 4 houses down is an AirBnB, £26 per night. Really nice lady runs / owns it. Is it unreasonable to suggest she stops there in future? MIL doesn't visit often, only 3 times a year for a 4 days, no FIL on the scene.

OP posts:
rylanpop · 06/11/2019 00:19

No YANBU at all! If it's only a few doors up and would just be more of a place to stay/shower then I think it's fine to suggest. I would offer to pay personally, even if just for the sake of arguments.

Barchester · 06/11/2019 00:19

I think that the AirBnB is an excellent idea. Your MIL may even prefer being in a room on her own, very near to you, knowing that she has not disrupted your family by anyone having to move out of their bedroom. Also, as an older lady, she might really appreciate having her own bathroom, in case she is cut short at night when somebody else is in the family bathroom. She might grab the opportunity to stay there.

If you can afford it, I would pay for her stay.

littlehappyhippo · 06/11/2019 00:19

@LoverNotOfChicken

We had DH's aunt, uncle, and cousin visit several years ago, and we had a 3 bed house with young adult DC, and no WAY was I going to have my DC staying for 3 nights on airbeds in the lounge. (This would have been in addition to the visitors trailing around the house, us not being able to relax, fart, scratch our bits and pits, belch, or fall asleep on the couch at 7.30am for an hour.)

So we booked a Travelodge room for 3 nights. Cost £90 for the 3 nights, but was worth every penny. On 2 out of the 3 nights, we took them to the Travelodge (7 miles away) for 8pm, and didn't see them til midday to 1pm the next day.

Bliss. Much better than them being with us 24/7.

But I reiterate, you (and your DH,) HAVE to pay for your MIL. Do not ask her to pay for her B & B.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 06/11/2019 00:20

I don’t understand why so many parents insist on staying with their adult kids in a cramped house. I visit my middle child 3-4 times a year, but always stay in an Airb&b as I don’t want him dreading my visit and I also enjoy being able to relax without feeling as if I should be running around doing touristy things.

littlehappyhippo · 06/11/2019 00:21

Fall asleep on the couch at 7.30 PM for an hour I meant!

Verily1 · 06/11/2019 00:21

I just wouldn’t suggest that.

To me it’s rude.

Singlenotsingle · 06/11/2019 00:25

I would, like a shot.

Mowly75 · 06/11/2019 00:26

My own MIL invited herself for Christmas but completely unbidden booked & paid for an Airbnb round the corner. I am very happy. Last time she stayed here I hated it & we only have one child. Small house. YANBU

Nanny0gg · 06/11/2019 00:32

As a MiL I'd be quite happy to have somewhere close by to retreat to.

You can but ask.

BackforGood · 06/11/2019 00:34

If I was meant to be staying with someone, and they farmed me out to a B & B and expected me to pay for myself, that would be the last time I visited them.

To me it’s rude.

I have very fond memories of my Aunt / Uncle / Grandma and cousins staying at ours, and then us all staying at theirs every year, growing up. 12 of us in ordinary 3 bed houses for a couple of nights. Nothing wrong with topping and tailing or sleeping on the floor for a night or two - just make it an adventure like camping out in a den.
Some people come across as being really inhospitable.
I would be really offended if someone close to me said I couldn't stay in their house.

Original poster
LoverNotOfChicken · 06/11/2019 00:42

We have had some brilliant times staying with siblings, nieces on holidays. All topping and tailing etc.

Not really the same as hosting your MIL and trying to run the family home, kids activities, home life etc in term time but I take your point.

OP posts:
Hazardd · 06/11/2019 00:44

I would sketch out the scene first. As PP suggested maybe ask her if she would like to visit more, would staying in an b&b make that more likely and your happy to pay?

But then again....Maybe she doesn't visit more just because she a)hates staying in someone else's house yours or a b&b b) she likes her life where it is and can't be arsed c) many many other reasons.

I think to suggest outright or book without asking is rude.

I have happy memories of everyine piling in and squeezing in when visiting it was as another PP said exciting and an adventure.

Whichoneofyoudidthat · 06/11/2019 00:48

I don’t think there is anything wrong with it at all but I’d leave it with your husband to arrange.

Tojigornot · 06/11/2019 00:50

I think you have to offer rather than present it as a done deal. If she is nice, she will probably take the hint. I would offer some options though - air b&b, guest house, reasonably-priced hotel. Personally there is no way I would be comfortable in someone’s spare room, but I would go for a premier inn or similar.

phoenixrosehere · 06/11/2019 01:03

Yanbu. We’re visiting mil and fil during Christmas and we’re staying in a hotel. They have the room, but we decided it wasn’t worth the added worry and stress to stay with them with our two young sons or disrupt whatever routine they have in place with our niece and nephews.

ZacharyQuack · 06/11/2019 01:09

I hate having house guests so it's a no-brainer to me! Perhaps you could approach it by saying that one of the children is having trouble sleeping at the moment and you don't want to risk making it worse by moving them from their bed.

You should pay for the BnB yourself and it would be nice if you made her a little food/drink/snack hamper to help her feel at home. (e.g. a few favourite teabags, milk, biscuits, etc)
Make sure you or your husband walk her to the BnB at night, so she doesn't feel like you're kicking her out.

Try to make the first visit as lovely as possible so she'll want to stay there every time!

ffswhatnext · 06/11/2019 01:13

Maybe she doesn't come as much because she knows she's in the way. I don't mean unwelcome, just generally in the way of the family iyswim. Maybe she wants a lie in etc and not be up with the dc's type of thing.

Perfect solution.

She has somewhere comfortable to stay that gives her full privacy. Even if you make one of the dc's give up a room, they will still use it.

She can escape there when it all gets too noisy.

She might be offended at first. But once she's thought about it, she will see the benefits.

ffswhatnext · 06/11/2019 01:15

And the first time at least, just pay for it.
Then from there work things out between you all.

LingyLangy · 06/11/2019 01:16

Personally I never ask family to stay anywhere but my home my FIL visited for 4 days I cleared out DS room to make sure he was comfortable but If that’s not an option for you then ask her if she’s okay to stay at an airBNB first

LovePoppy · 06/11/2019 01:22

Would you ask your own mother to stay elsewhere? If yes, then it is not unreasonable to ask the same of your mother-in-law.

This is apples to oranges

WhatTiggersDoBest · 06/11/2019 01:26

I love this idea but I think you'd need to pay and let her know in advance.
"Beryl up the road has a gorgeous room she's started renting out, I've managed to book it for your next visit, so we all can enjoy our time together more because as you know my house is packed to the rafters!"

Derbee · 06/11/2019 01:37

I’d be amazed if this could happen without hurting her feelings. But I will watch with interest to see if it’s possible!

Aunaturalmama · 06/11/2019 02:04

I think it totally depends on your family and family set up! If I felt there was no space at our house to accommodate then I would pay for an air bnb for my mother or mother in last

OneHanded · 06/11/2019 02:15

Leave granny to run the zoo and escape to Airbnb for a good night sleep with hubby? GrinWink

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/11/2019 03:27

"DH is very laid back and doesn't have a view on it tbh. Organising the visits is down to me."
I take it when you say 'organising' you mean rejigging where everyone is sleeping, remaking beds, laundry, inflating blow-up beds etc? In other words - doing quite a lot of work? So if your husband DIDN'T leave all this work to you but got stuck in - do you think he'd have a view then? As it is, if you're doing all the work organising, IMO you get to make the decisions.

I would definitely go for it. It's 4 doors away, and all she'll be doing is sleeping there. She'll trot down to you at breakfast time (having been able to get ready in a bathroom she's not competing to get into) and be with you all day. And she can choose when she wants to retire to her calm stress-free room, either straight after family dinner or after she's had a nice chat with you and your husband after the children go to bed. Or she can nip off for an afternoon nap that cannot be interrupted Grin. In many ways she might actually be more comfortable doing it this way.

Definitely though, she should not be the one paying the £26/night - that is for you and your husband to pay.

I would raise it with her as a win-win for both of you.

  • that the room rejigging can take it out of you sometimes and you worry that she won't be comfortable/will feel cramped
  • that using the AirBnB takes all that worry off your shoulders
  • she gets a nice room with privacy and her own bathroom and can spend her days/evenings with you just as normal, or can chill away from you if she prefers
  • the AirBnB is better than having an extension for guest because you get 'housekeeping services' with it from your neighbour Smile

Good luck!