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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my MIL to stay in an AirBnB when she visits?

414 replies

LoverNotOfChicken · 05/11/2019 23:38

We have 3 kids and a 3 bedroom house. Lots of kids, toys and stuff! Rejig of rooms when she stays, blow up beds etc.

About 4 houses down is an AirBnB, £26 per night. Really nice lady runs / owns it. Is it unreasonable to suggest she stops there in future? MIL doesn't visit often, only 3 times a year for a 4 days, no FIL on the scene.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 08/11/2019 15:01

For me it’s not that she can’t have feeling/isn’t allowed to show them, But it’s more the fact that she will be visiting somebody else’s home, And the people who own the home have the right to be comfortable when they host or don’t visitors

This is the OPs husbands, mother. Not some inconsequential house guest stopping by. I wonder whether those with this attitude would treat their own mums this way. I really don’t believe they would.

saraclara · 08/11/2019 15:41

@Lovepoppy do you consider YOUR mother as extended family?
Extended family are aunts, cousins, etc. Not your parents, ffs!

Pandaintheporridge · 08/11/2019 19:00

It's what families do
It's what your family does. Amazingly, everyone is different.
I suppose I'm quite introverted as the idea of staying in a house where I had no alone space to go too for any longer than a day seems very stressful. I would end up spending a lot of time at the loo!

Runnerduck34 · 08/11/2019 19:24

Tricky one, I can see how disruptive it is for you re-jigging everyone around etc. You should mention it - she might prefer it! But if she doesn't take the hint or is a bit put out by the suggestion I'd leave it be,
Surprised people are saying you should pay, we are visiting MIL around xmas and staying in an airbnb she never offers to pay, ever, be nice if she did though!

BertrandRussell · 08/11/2019 19:26

“ Surprised people are saying you should pay, we are visiting MIL around xmas and staying in an airbnb she never offers to pay, ever, be nice if she did though!”

Did she say “Sorry- there’s no room for you, I’ve booked you a B&B. Which you’ll be paying for”?

LovePoppy · 08/11/2019 19:44

@saraclara, @nosauce, I absolutely do see my mother as extended family. My father is as well. As are my siblings.

If they don’t live in my house, and aren’t my children, then yes, extended family.

I also expect my family to call or text before they come over. Apparently that also makes me a monster. (I do the same when I go to my mothers or fathers house as well).

NoSauce · 08/11/2019 19:48

That’s just weird.

ffswhatnext · 08/11/2019 19:56

I wouldn't piss on my own mother if she was on fire tbh.
My feelings about her don't change -
You cannot make space out of magic.
If there's none there's none.

Babynamechangerr · 08/11/2019 19:58

In my opinion it is a bit offensive - if I was the mil I wouldn't want to stay with some random woman (I hate air bnbs which are just a, room in someone else's house and you have to share their bathroom and kitchen, no thanks. But if my daughter in law suggested it I'd feel obliged to do it as I would feel like I was obviously a massive inconvenience for this suggestion to be made.

Plus have you done the maths - at least £300 per year for 3 visits (plus air bnb have loads of hidden fees so it may well be 20-25% more than that) - is it really worth what is quite a lot of money. Put that money towards a better set up for her staying over, eg a sofa bed rather than air beds.

Surely all 3 kids can just pile into one room, two must be sharing anyway. Is one extra person really that big a deal?

ffswhatnext · 08/11/2019 20:02

LovePoppy I was the same when I did speak to mine.
I had to put a stop to them just showing up for a cuppa. 4 hours away. Not like they were ever apologetic for just showing up.
Didn't care what plans we had,
Had tantrums about themselves, made everything about them.
We would be out, they would show up. Then moan because we should have told them their plans when they wasted their time yet again.

`Much easier to let someone know, rather than show up at an empty place cos the occupants have gone away for a few days. Or we had the nerve to go to work/school.

ffswhatnext · 08/11/2019 20:07

Surely all 3 kids can just pile into one room, two must be sharing anyway. Is one extra person really that big a deal?

If the children are teens of the opposite sex.
They don't want to give up their personal space.
What if the child in the room alone needs that for health reasons.

You'd rather stay on a sofa bed to get woken up at silly o'clock rather than accept a perfectly reasonable alternative? Sleep in the main family room that offers you no privacy. Have to go to sleep when the occupants do rather than when you are tired.

ChickenLipa23 · 08/11/2019 20:07

Seriously! No more comments are required! Thanks!

BertrandRussell · 08/11/2019 20:08

“ Seriously! No more comments are required! Thanks!”

It doesn’t work like that!

Alsohuman · 08/11/2019 20:13

It doesn’t work like that!

Certainly doesn’t. Watch this thread run to 1,000 posts now!

ChickenLipa23 · 08/11/2019 20:14

It should. Bloody hell it goes on and on.

I appreciate the comments in summary

  • No I don't hate my MIL, I love her very much.
  • No I don't favour my own family over my husbands
  • No I am not a beast of a DiL for suggesting she stays 4 houses down the road
  • Yes all kids could stay together on a room on occasions
  • Yes we would have offered to pay
  • Yes I have seen the room, I know the neighbour and she is lovely. I wouldn't have suggested it otherwise.
ffswhatnext · 08/11/2019 20:17

Wow, I'm surprised the threads are under 400. Seems longer lol,

ChickenLipa23 · 08/11/2019 20:19

It seems endless!

Alsohuman · 08/11/2019 20:30

It will be now.

BertrandRussell · 08/11/2019 20:45

Mostly with people telling the OP it doesn’t work like that.....

ChickenLipa23 · 08/11/2019 20:48

What if I say I probably won't do it. Nice idea and would be less stressful but the kids love her staying here and she seems to get on fine with the noise / mess.

Nonnymum · 08/11/2019 20:52

She might actually enjoy the peace and rest. She will get the best of both worlds. Spending time with you all, enjoying being with the children and then also having a nice quiet bed to sleep in without being disturbed by the children. I would offer it to her and see what she says.

NoSauce · 08/11/2019 20:56

What if I say I probably won't do it. Nice idea and would be less stressful but the kids love her staying here and she seems to get on fine with the noise / mess

So why start the thread? Are you scared of her seeing this thread or something?

ChickenLipa23 · 08/11/2019 21:00

I just wanted a few thoughts on it? I didn't realise it would go off the rails and become a debate on if people would favour their DM over their MiL. 🙄 Always goes down that route on MN.

Plus, I would imagine all sides of the conversation have been covered by now.

NoSauce · 08/11/2019 21:05

Just hide the thread if you don’t want to keep seeing it, unfortunately you can’t stop people adding to it.

ChickenLipa23 · 08/11/2019 21:18

Ok. Will do.