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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my MIL to stay in an AirBnB when she visits?

414 replies

LoverNotOfChicken · 05/11/2019 23:38

We have 3 kids and a 3 bedroom house. Lots of kids, toys and stuff! Rejig of rooms when she stays, blow up beds etc.

About 4 houses down is an AirBnB, £26 per night. Really nice lady runs / owns it. Is it unreasonable to suggest she stops there in future? MIL doesn't visit often, only 3 times a year for a 4 days, no FIL on the scene.

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 06/11/2019 07:55

Just ask MIL, she may well love the idea. The arrangement could suit you both well.

notquiteruralbliss · 06/11/2019 07:58

My DCs are adult. I wouldn’t want to stay with any of them if they didn’t have a spare room

Kit19 · 06/11/2019 07:58

Echoing others about DH being “laid back and not having a view” to mean has abdicated all mental labour on this to the OP & if his DM is upset by the suggestion can safely say “well it wasn’t my idea” 🙄

Anyway, I think it depends on the relationship. DH & I live a long way from our families so when we go there it’s for a few days & honestly prefer to stay in a hotel or B&B. We still spend loads of time together but being able to have a decent nights sleep without being squeezed into a child’s single bed or on an air bed on the floor makes a big difference. We’re not tired & can really enjoy the time together.

As it’s your MIL I would offer to pay

Cohle · 06/11/2019 07:58

I wouldn't much like the idea of an Airbnb where it's just a room in a stranger's house. If there wasn't space with family I'd much rather stay in a proper hotel than have to lodge with a neighbour.

Nanny0gg · 06/11/2019 07:59

As the guest:

Go to bed when I want
Undisturbed sleep
Wake up when I want
Private bathroom
4 doors down from family
Bit of peace and quiet if necessary
Possibly take one of the children off for a bit of one-to-one granny time

No brainer

Deemail · 06/11/2019 08:02

Why don't you and dh book into it instead and just say you're giving mil the opportunity to spend even more quality time with the kidsGrin

MorrisZapp · 06/11/2019 08:04

Total cop out from your DH. Laid back my arse. It's his mother, he needs to rouse himself and participate.

ChocolateTeapot1 · 06/11/2019 08:04

I think it’s a great idea (and so cheap too!) my parents would have no issue staying a few houses down. You can all have a bit of space if needed and it’ll be easier for shower queues in the morning. I wish our neighbours ran one!

AndwhenyougetthereFoffsomemore · 06/11/2019 08:06

To all those saying this is a miserable option... my mum stayed at a hotel about 3 mins walk from us last Christmas - we had a houseful, and I said she was VERY welcome to stay (would have been a bed but in a shared room), but if she preferred, x hotel was round the corner and only £y. She jumped at it! She left when she wanted to go to bed (so finished earlier than some of the rowdier younger guests - my kids are teens); watched some quiet telly on her own with a nice cup of tea - and came to us for breakfast having had a private shower and a restful night. Oh, and she also took dd round for a 'visit' to eat the free biscuits and watch TV with her when she wanted a break from everyone in the day. She's used to a HUGE house and living on her own and I think she finds our space a bit much sometimes - she bloody loved it, and would totally choose to do it again. It doesn't have to be exiling people to a damp corner!

Ragwort · 06/11/2019 08:07

If I was invited to my adult childrens’’ house I would much prefer to stay independently, and I would be happy to pay for myself but I do think if you are suggesting it then you must at least offer to pay.

Staying with other people can be very uncomfortable unless you have a decent ‘guest suite’ Grin. My own parents always prefer to stay in a local hotel if visiting family, just having to put up with rowdy children, unpredictable meal times, queuing for the bathroom etc etc is much fun in your late 80s!

AndwhenyougetthereFoffsomemore · 06/11/2019 08:07

And having done it at ours, she now does the same thing when she goes to see my sis (one bed flat and she'd rather have her own room than sleep on the sofa!)

Matereality · 06/11/2019 08:10

We do exactly this for relatives on both sides of the family. It is less stressful for me and they have somewhere clean and quiet to escape our kids. They come over whenever they get up, have breakfast here, and go home to sleep.

We always pay and make the AirBnB nice with snacks etc. It's expensive but not as expensive as moving to a house with a spare room. We see it as an ongoing housing cost.

I totally recommend it and wish we had done it years ago. Relatives stay longer and we can cope with longer visits.

ThatsMeInTheSpotlight · 06/11/2019 08:20

I think it depends on your MIL. I know my DM and my late MIL would have been very offended if they thought they were coming to stay at our's and we put them out to an AirBnB. They would never have chosen to stay in an AirBnB and they would have taken it as a sign that we didn't really want to spend time with them.
The lack of space argument would have rang hollow since lots of us grew up in houses where 3 bedrooms for 3 adults and 3 DCs doesn't seem over-crowded at all.

CaptainMyCaptain · 06/11/2019 08:21

Why don't you and dh book into it instead and just say you're giving mil the opportunity to spend even more quality time with the kids
You could certainly present this as an option - "We are short of beds. You are welcome to have our bed and stay with the kids and we'll go and sleep down the road. Or you could stay there if you prefer." I'm a Gran and I know that I would prefer a bit of my own space and own bathroom.

CaptainMyCaptain · 06/11/2019 08:22

The lack of space argument would have rang hollow since lots of us grew up in houses where 3 bedrooms for 3 adults and 3 DCs doesn't seem over-crowded at all.

Yes, that's how I grew up too but, in my 60s, I don't relish the thought of sleeping on a sofa and sharing a bathroom with 5 other people. Not if there's an alternative.

RaymondStopThat · 06/11/2019 08:28

I think the key is what would she rather do? Its a few days of disruption 3 times a year. Maybe it's the highlight of her year staying with you, especially if she's on her own. She may be very hurt by the suggestion unless you word it very carefully ie for her benefit, I really wouldn't mention the disruption her visit causes you. Personally, I'd hate to stay in a stranger's home, it would feel very uncomfortable. A hotel, where there's more privacy might go down better perhaps?

BillieEilish · 06/11/2019 08:29

I think in theory it is 'oh so justifiable' but it reality it is mean and not nice thing to do. Just move the DC's in together for a few nights to accommodate Grandma.

The private bathroom? For 26 quid a night I doubt she gets a private bathroom.

Not nice. And to wonder if you should pay? OF COURSE you should pay.

I would not do this.

BertrandRussell · 06/11/2019 08:30

Yes- telling her how disruptive her visits are might not be a good idea.....

BertrandRussell · 06/11/2019 08:31

And 26 quid a night is not going to give you a lovely room and a private bathroom.

Original poster
LoverNotOfChicken · 06/11/2019 08:33

It is actually a lovely room, I have seen it online and know the owner as mentioned. Not a private bathroom but only the owners lives there. Not a private bathroom here either, we only have the one!

OP posts:
BillieEilish · 06/11/2019 08:35

So she would be sharing the bathroom with a complete stranger?

It is a definite no from me.

Do invite her or don't invite her. Don't ship her off to a strangers house.

Yappy12 · 06/11/2019 08:40

YANBU and certainly if you pay too. Say it's a little treat for her! We live in London and when my sister came down from Manchester after our daughter died suddenly from SADS last April she stayed in an Ibis near us. Booked it herself and paid for it. Mainly because we don't really get on but she wanted to come straight down for 4 days to comfort and support us. She had her continental breakfast there and the other meals here and left her car there as parking's difficult here. Said she could stay here but she preferred that.

ShippingNews · 06/11/2019 08:41

Not a private bathroom but only the owners lives there.Not a private bathroom here either, we only have the one!

I wouldn't stay in an Air B+B where I had to share a bathroom with the owner . It's very different from sharing with your family . I'd stay home if you tried to farm me out to someone else's house.

Honeyroar · 06/11/2019 08:42

If you do it you MUST pay for it yourselves, but I can't see why you can't move one child for a couple of days personally.

ffswhatnext · 06/11/2019 08:42

Got the few times a year it isn’t would not book here in to an AIRBNB, she’s there to see you all. Is it really that much of an inconvenience to you to rejig bedrooms for a dozen nights a year

And what happens when this becomes impossible to have 3 kids in one room?

The lack of space argument would have rang hollow since lots of us grew up in houses where 3 bedrooms for 3 adults and 3 DCs doesn't seem over-crowded at all.
It’s not quiet that easy to be able to rejig things in every home. There was lots of things we did years ago we no longer do, because times have moved on. Booking a room elsewhere was either unaffordable or not available. Now we don’t have to expect people crashing on the sofa, or getting dc’s to give up there space.

And as for an en-suite she wouldn’t have on in ops home either.

As for questions about the standards of the room. Why should it be a dump? I’ve stayed in one for not much more than that in central London.