Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my MIL to stay in an AirBnB when she visits?

414 replies

LoverNotOfChicken · 05/11/2019 23:38

We have 3 kids and a 3 bedroom house. Lots of kids, toys and stuff! Rejig of rooms when she stays, blow up beds etc.

About 4 houses down is an AirBnB, £26 per night. Really nice lady runs / owns it. Is it unreasonable to suggest she stops there in future? MIL doesn't visit often, only 3 times a year for a 4 days, no FIL on the scene.

OP posts:
ffswhatnext · 07/11/2019 19:41

Surely that’s what families and love are all you about

Love doesn't magic up extra space.

People need to think about this.
Yes, the 4-year-old is enjoying sleeping with nan when she stays. But what about when she says no?
That's another bed unavailable.
They don't want to share the room with nan?
Can no longer squeeze all three in one room?

Do the visits stop then?

It's not about who loves who, who feels welcome where. It's about thinking long term. It's about realising lack of space is just that.

Are you going to stop visiting because they have had to outsource your bed? Give you a key so you can let yourself in? Going to demand your bed in their home? Only see them when they can travel to you?

This dilemma could quite easily be your future.

countrygirl99 · 07/11/2019 19:53

It all depends on the MIL doesn't it. She might feel unwelcome or she might think "thank goodness. I can get a decent night's sleep " and come more often

Palaver1 · 07/11/2019 19:54

@LoverNotOfChicken
She is a nice MIL, should add that in. Would be nice if she comes to visit more often but doesn't (unsure why)
This is the reason ..no space doesnt want to be a nuisance I think you will be seeing less of her in the future.

Justapatchofgrass · 07/11/2019 19:56

God no, staying in the spare room of a stranger, that is what the air b n b is. Horrific

Jane1727 · 07/11/2019 20:03

I would check yourself into the Airbnb and leave the MIL with the kids Smile

mummananna · 07/11/2019 20:04

I think you could offer it to her, say it will be more comfy and peaceful for her and would mean you don't have to disrupt the children. But, yes, I do think you should pay as she is your guest and it is your idea x

raspberrymolakoff · 07/11/2019 20:12

I am more than happy to stay in Airbnb (we tick the box for whole space so aren't in someone's spare room). When we stay with our daughter who doesn't love nearby I'm anxious about getting up in the night and waking the babies going up or down creaky stairs as the spare room is on in between bathrooms. I feel I'd be much more help if I went to Airbnb or a nearby inn and had a good night's sleep.

Next year another daughter is having due her first baby and wants me to move into their teeny flat to help. I have said same to her that I'll be of more use if I go "home" somewhere at night (when at least her DH is there to help) and come back refreshed in the morning. So amusing that we are on opposite sides of this. It's London though in the case of daughter who is having a baby so I'm beginning to wonder if I've made the right call when I look at the prices! I think they need time to be a little family.

Catsinthecupboard · 07/11/2019 20:14

Ask her, not us. (...although we are happy to opine...)

I can see both as options. My mom liked being alone at the end of the day. My mil wouldn't think of staying with us. She would stay home instead.

Ask her nicely with it being coached as a gift to her.

pearly1792 · 07/11/2019 20:18

Posting this late as these emails always seems to come days after the original post. But you mention she doesn't come often and your not sure why. You may in suggesting a AirBnB be giving her exactly what she wants but hasn't suggested out of seeming rude. Perhaps she is finding a very busy house a little bit too much.

Never know she may be very happy with your suggestion.

WelcomeToShootingStars · 07/11/2019 20:18

Honestly I think it's unreasonable of anyone to expect to stay in someone's house when it means people have to be turfed out of their own bedrooms so I'd have no hesitation telling her to book the air bnb.

Mumoflil1 · 07/11/2019 20:26

I remember my family and friends staying with me in my (pretty big) one bed flat. We always had blow up beds, bedding and towels ready to go. It was only ever a few days occasionally but it was good fun. My guests were always exrtra helpful on visits and got stuck in with cleaning and cooking. I loved the chaos (and the fact that they'd always leave the flat in pristine condition). Depends on the relationship you have, how much space you actually have and how stressed she'd make you i guess. I personally like the idea of my kids waking up and having chat over breakfast with my guests. I

Nearly47 · 07/11/2019 20:28

She is not "people". She is OP husband's mother. People are weird. I'd never suggest that to mil. There is no way it can be seen as an welcoming gesture..

Sara107 · 07/11/2019 20:41

If she doesn’t visit often it may be she finds it too much, crowded, noisy and perhaps uncomfortable if she’s on a kids bed. Or feels bad at putting someone out of their bed. Unless money is really tight, I bet she will jump at the chance to have a quiet comfortable place nearby to have a bit of downtime overnight and might well come to visit more often.

Catrina1234 · 07/11/2019 20:48

It seems to me (I could be wrong) that OP was expecting MIL to pay for the B & B - good god - I'm a MIL and would hate having to sleep in a strangers bedroom. Why can't the OP buy a futon or something similar Seems a lot of fuss over visits x3 per year.

managedmis · 07/11/2019 20:51

Think this is a genius idea personally

Africa2go · 07/11/2019 20:55

OP - can you and your husband not bunk in with the children for a few nights and she can have your room?

I agree with a previous poster - find a solution for this visit and introduce her gently to the concept of an AirBnB and tbe neighbour and see if its something she'd like to do next time.

For what its worth, an AirBnB which is a room in someones house is completely different to a B&B or hotel. My MIL would feel obliged to agree, knowing the space issue, but would feel massively uncomfortable sharing a house and bathroom with a stranger. I think the vast majority of that generation (MN isnt really representative of 60/70yr olds!) would be uncomfortable with that.

Deadringer · 07/11/2019 20:57

I think it's very rude. Family would always be welcome in my home and with 3 dc you are really not overcrowded.

crosstalk · 07/11/2019 20:57

OP have you broached this yet?

To other PPs who think being 4 doors down in a comfortable room, escorted to and from and having all meals with the family is a disaster, think on. I would be one of hundreds of Mils or DMs who would love to be in a comfortable bed, reading a book and happy to share a bathroom with one other person rather than with a family of five. I would also be grateful to a DD or DiL who thought about this.

And consulted me about it.

81Byerley · 07/11/2019 21:06

I love to visit my daughter, but I prefer to sleep somewhere else, it's quieter and more comfortable to be in a B&B. She may feel the same!

BertrandRussell · 07/11/2019 21:13

If you’re a nice person, the only possible answer to “Would you rather stay in our house or at this room down the road?” Is “The room down the road” however you really felt. Because nobody would ask the question if they didn’t find you inconvenient..

Africa2go · 07/11/2019 21:19

@81Byerley but it's not a B&B. It's a room in someone's presumably ordinary / small house (who will be there also using the toilet / shower, wandering round the house...)

Proseccoagain · 07/11/2019 21:19

Actually, my DH and I always booked ourselves into a Travelodge or similar when we went to stay with his parents, as there was not much room in their tiny flat, but that was our choice, and we paid for it ourselves obviously. The PILs were delighted to have the grandchildren to themselves overnight, and we got a bit of peace, then joined them mid-morning. As others have said if you are thinking of farming your MIL out overnight, the least you could do is pay for it, but I think what you have suggested is just bad manners. When my DM or PILs came to stay, the DC accepted that they might have to move to accomodate them and were happy to do so.

manicmij · 07/11/2019 21:38

Seems a reasonable plan. If MIL goes with it you should book and pay. Don't know how confident MIL is but it may be a good gesture to accompany her to the place if returning at night.

Barney60 · 07/11/2019 21:43

I think you need to be very careful and sensitive over this, you could very carefully suggest it, but I think she will say no. I would if my daughter did this, surely she would of offered to stay elsewhere on previous visits if she had wanted too. sorry im going against majority but I genuinely have a friend whos just had this happen and the family have now fell out over it. felt like as only few times of year if couldnt put themselves out felt not wanted.

CookPassBabtridge · 07/11/2019 22:04

I hate having overnight guests. Recently some inlaws stayed in a nearby premier inn and the experience was so much more enjoyable.. we actually enjoyed their company, didn't feel relief that they had gone, didn't dread them coming.. had lots to talk about as visits were for 3/4 hrs rather than all day. They got chance to rest in their own space. It's just more enjoyable for everyone. No chance to get on each others nerves!

Swipe left for the next trending thread