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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my MIL to stay in an AirBnB when she visits?

414 replies

LoverNotOfChicken · 05/11/2019 23:38

We have 3 kids and a 3 bedroom house. Lots of kids, toys and stuff! Rejig of rooms when she stays, blow up beds etc.

About 4 houses down is an AirBnB, £26 per night. Really nice lady runs / owns it. Is it unreasonable to suggest she stops there in future? MIL doesn't visit often, only 3 times a year for a 4 days, no FIL on the scene.

OP posts:
Nearly47 · 07/11/2019 18:34

She might reduces her visits even further if you do this. It can be that hard to acommodate one extra person in a 3 bed house. Put kids to share or invest in a decent sofa bed. She will feel unwelcome. Is not the same if in the end of the day together she has to leave and go sleep somewhere else.

SunsetBoulevard3 · 07/11/2019 18:35

I agree you should pay for it, but it's perfectly reasonable to book her in.

My parents used to stay in a B and B when they visited us because we just didn't have room. My in laws however would not have dreamed of doing so, and that put a lot of pressure on us. it will probably be more peaceful for her as well as you to be staying down the road.

Pandaintheporridge · 07/11/2019 18:37

I have done this many times, dm and mil, they get their own bathroom and peace from the dc at the end of the day.
If I had an actual spare room and an en-suite that would be different, but I don't so it isn't.

Pandaintheporridge · 07/11/2019 18:38

Jux I can't tell if you're joking or not. Absolutely nothing about those things make me feel loved or wanted!

Nanny0gg · 07/11/2019 18:40

@Hammy65
Surely that’s what families and love are all you about.

I'm a mum, MiL and granny and I've done both.

I would much rather my own space for sleep and bathroom.
It's 4 doors down. I'd leave as late as reasonable to go back there and as early as reasonable to go to the house.

We're all different so it's best to ask the person directly.

Alsohuman · 07/11/2019 18:45

We slept on an air bed every Christmas for years so my parents could have our bed. If anyone had gone to stay elsewhere it would have been us. Hospitality seems to be dead now.

CactusAndCacti · 07/11/2019 18:45

- but also important memory making with loving grandparents.

Don't worry, my children have lots of happy memories, even with people having to stop in hotels. We often meet my family for breakfast at the Premier Inn if they are visiting us, mine love that. There is no formula for making memories.

Nearly47 · 07/11/2019 18:48

@NannyOgg,

When you stayed on the BnB was it your idea or DIL idea? I think that makes a massive difference. I know my mother in law would hate it.

Rystall · 07/11/2019 18:56

Sorry OP, I think that’s horrible. I thought you were BU when I thought it was a private apartment or house you were suggesting but a room in a strangers house where she has to share the bathroom?? Am I reading that correctly? Imagine how uncomfortable she is going to feel. If I was your MIL I would feel so ostracised and unwelcome.

If you really want to do this...can you accommodate her on this visit and maybe try to broach the subject gently with her. Maybe introduce her to the owner of the house, let her see the room? See what she thinks. But there’s no way I would do this to my mother or MIL. No way. YABVVVVVVVVVU.

WingingWonder · 07/11/2019 18:58

I’d let her stay at yours and enjoy the b&b to myself 😂😂

Merryweather80 · 07/11/2019 18:59

When my mil visits she gets our room and we have the air bed in the living room. Could this be a better option?

Pandaintheporridge · 07/11/2019 19:01

Alsohuman your parents just sound selfish to me 🤷‍♀️ My mother would have been mortified to put her adult children out of their bed like that, year in year out.
Ime older people quite like some space, quiet and easy access to a loo in the night. So do I to be honest Grin

1forAll74 · 07/11/2019 19:04

I am an oldie Gran,and it's a great idea to treat your Mil to this. She maybe like her own space for getting dressed,and using a quiet bathroom etc.

I might suggest this to my daughter when I visit again,but will pay,as it would be my suggestion !

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/11/2019 19:05

I would explain that you are worried she isn't going to get much rest sleeping at yours and would feel happier knowing she has a comfortable bed for the night in an nice clean home just a few doors away. Stress that it's your treat, and she's welcome to spend as much time with you as she wants, it's just for sleeping. Also reassure her that the owner is a nice lady and very welcoming.

I think that would do it for me!

coconuttelegraph · 07/11/2019 19:06

Some of the responses on here are downright bizarre, what's the point of making wild assumptions about what the MIL might think when it's literally the work of a moment for the OP or her DH to call her and discuss it like grown ups.

I'm glad I don't have some of you high maintenance drama llamas to deal with in my family - surely you'd have to positively search for offence to mind the subject being raised and discussed in a rational manner.

LaraLondon1 · 07/11/2019 19:12

This year I travelled by air to an event for my sisters child and needed accommodation for the night. I thought given I had the cost of travelling that my sister would put me up . I was given a list of hotels and told I couldn’t stay . I was pretty pissed off especially as the trip was for their family event and I’m not made of money .
So based on how that me made feel , it would be unreasonable just to book the b n b . It’s very likely she enjoys staying with you guys which is what is key . You could run the idea past her but don’t go booking in advance . And def pay for her if she says yes .

Ferret27 · 07/11/2019 19:15

Only offer this as an option for her if it’s for her comfort ... it’s lonely staying with strangers so not for everyone ... and waking up hearing the noise of you grandkids is one of those treasured memories for many especially if they don’t see her that often...
If she doesn’t mind then there is no issue ....

Ferret27 · 07/11/2019 19:17

PS my mother in law would not be offended ..so it’s really how you suggest it and what type of person she is ... ie does she travel lots on her own ..in which case she wouldn’t bat an eyelid I imagine ...

Knittingnanny · 07/11/2019 19:19

Haven’t read it all through.
I’m a mother in law and would be totally fine with, and have done it several times, Airbnb. Surely your mother in law remembers what young family life is like? As I probably am in a better financial position than all of my adult children are at the moment, it wouldn’t enter my head not to pay for myself. I travel to the Far East and USA to visit some of mine, I don’t expect them to finance it.
I love all of my 8 grandchildren dearly, they light up my life, but.... I’m so glad I can go home to my peaceful Airbnb at the end of the day and return smiling after a long undisturbed sleep!

BertrandRussell · 07/11/2019 19:22

I think if anyone was offended by this if it was put kindly, then the offended person needs to get over themselves. But I think practically anyone who wasn’t supremely self confident would be sad and hurt. However brave a face they put on it.

myself2020 · 07/11/2019 19:22

both parents and PIL always stay at a travel lodge/cheap hotel. they refuse to stay with us (tiny house) and hate having to stay in BIL ‘s house (6 bedroom), but do because its expected.
We all like some privacy, so it works great for ys

PanamaPattie · 07/11/2019 19:23

When we visit our adult DC, we always stay in a hotel or B&B. We get to enjoy the family during the day and escape for some peace and wine in the evenings. Best of both worlds - and I'm not woken up at ridiculous o'clock by the GC!

Knittingnanny · 07/11/2019 19:26

Panama, exactly my feelings too!
When I get home after a day of grandchild care I’m so relieved I don’t have to do the rest of the evening routine and the early morning. I was 35 years younger last time I did that x 3!

myself2020 · 07/11/2019 19:27

@jux you’ve got to be joking - these are annoyances, not things that make me feel loved. closer to the opposite

sunshine11 · 07/11/2019 19:28

Why don’t you just ask her? “Would you believe there’s an air bnb four houses down. As our house is so chaotic and small we wondered if you’d rather stay there, on us of course. It’s entirely up to you, which would you prefer?”.

That way you’re thinking of her and giving her the choice.

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