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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shop staff took my daughter out of her trolley seat

408 replies

mummydoingamasters · 05/11/2019 13:27

Soooo, first time posting but I need a head wobble I think.
I have a tendency for the dramatics but this really did upset me.
Second time mum, DS2 and DD 12 weeks. We went shopping at a local supermarket and DD hates being moved around (who doesn't).
First off, there were no baby trolleys or car seat trolleys so I had to ask for the shop to let me use the one they were keeping indoors.
Walking round, DD starts to cry, a 'I've been disturbed and I'm going to make you pay for it' cry. A member of staff walking past started to touch her bare hand in an attempt to settle her. This member of staff was wearing work gloves and I don't know what she had been handling whilst wearing those gloves. I pushed the trolley on already embarrassed by the noise DD was making.
We get to the till and the member of staff on the till gets up, walks behind me to the trolley, unbuckles DD and has her up on her shoulder trying go to settle her while I'm unloading my shopping. There is no exchange, no attempt to engage with me if this is even ok just does it. I notice when another member of staff joins her and have to say that I don't like it when strangers pick up/touch/handle my child. She said she was trying to help as I was busy with the shopping and she thought it would help me. My thought process would probably have been to help with the shopping, not the strangers child or is it me that's wrong?!

I get home, tell my DP about it and he goes nuts. I'm usually the one to lose my temper quite quickly when it comes to the DC's but he was really unhappy. Understandably on reflection. I felt really outnumbered and caught off guard which is why I said nothing more than already stated but getting home and replaying it, I really think I down played this?

AIBU to contact the company and complain or am I being a fractious mum who needs to get over herself?

OP posts:
Happyspud · 05/11/2019 19:14

Oh wow @WhoAmIToTellYou, you’re very angry and scary.

CallmeAngelina · 05/11/2019 20:51

And this, people, is the sort of society we are becoming - the same society where some complain that there is no community spirit or care any longer. People are terrified of having complaints levelled against them for doing what comes naturally to caring and warm people.

Good luck, OP. You sound as if you could be cultivating a stressy and isolated existence, shutting out the wider circle of people in life who could help you.

Rosebel · 05/11/2019 21:05

When my daughters were about 1 and 2 years old I was on a plane with them. I decided to get off last so I wouldn't hold up other passengers.. Just as well as I got to the plane steps and my 2 year old refused to move. Member of staff on the ground rushed up and carried her down. Didn't ask if this was okay just did it. I was so so grateful but obviously what I should have done was come on here and ask if I should complain about him.

Happyspud · 05/11/2019 21:08

Jesus @Rosebel, and a male too! You should have been calling the police.

ViciousJackdaw · 05/11/2019 21:11

Oh gawd, you're one of those 'mama bear' types aren't you...

CallmeAngelina · 05/11/2019 21:12

Wow, Rosebel, that's just triggered a traumatic memory for me, when I froze at the top of a steep ladder on HMS Victory in 1970. A kind and helpful seaman swooped me up and carried me down on his shoulder.
I should sue for PTSD!

AhNowTed · 05/11/2019 21:20

@CallmeAngelina agree entirely. It doesn't bode well for society.

Then, when a child is abused or lifted off the street and the cries of blame that's folks stood by and did nothing.

It really bothers me where all this is heading.

tigger001 · 05/11/2019 21:23

I think basic manners would have been a "let me get her for you" sort of statement before taking her out.

I wouldn't have liked it one bit, I think telling the shop assistant is probably enough, wether it's a slight overreaction or not, if you feel like you should send an email, do it. It's not going to be damaging to them if you keep it general and makes you feel better.

TeddybearBaby · 05/11/2019 21:24

I had exactly the same thought @flashbac. What a depressing thread.

Judge Judy says we should still have to shovel coal and then there’d be no time for nonsense. I agree 😂

AhNowTed · 05/11/2019 21:26

@TeddybearBaby 😀

Blueuggboots · 05/11/2019 21:29

a 'I've been disturbed and I'm going to make you pay for it' cry. *
You lost me here.*

AhNowTed · 05/11/2019 21:37

@tigger001 why on earth should she send an email, that's an overreaction.

I lost count of the number of times I helped a struggling parent on or off a plane, train, bus, get their baby into a sling, carried the baby while they had bags, held baby while they got their money out.

Sure the cashier could have asked but it's hardly the crime of the hour never mind decade.

tigger001 · 05/11/2019 21:44

Sure the cashier could have asked but it's hardly the crime of the hour never mind decade.

I couldn't agree more, it is not the crime of the century, it is a lady who felt uncomfortable with someone lifting her baby out of the trolley without asking.

She obviously feels upset, so it would not be the crime of the century to send the email if that's how she feels just saying maybe get staff to ask first, no drama.

TryingToBeBold · 05/11/2019 21:48

@AhNowTed

I think from now on every time there is a screaming child we just stare with pity at the parents and carry on our day. Halloween Grin
Quote this back to me when my current DD is old enough to have tantrums Grin

AcrobaticCardigan · 05/11/2019 21:53

Woah woah woah! OP I am the worlds most chilled person - even when it comes to my baby - but I would be LIVID!!!! I love people fussing my baby, but to pick up a strangers 12 week old that is securely fastened into a safety seat, without permission is outrageous. Why do people think this is OK? I wouldn’t even unbuckle my friends babies without asking! Saying that, if I complained I’d make it general and not identify the specific staff member.

ThatsMyAddress · 05/11/2019 21:53

They wanted a cuddle. They should’ve asked. Babies aren’t public property.

This!! 100%

I’m not precious about my DC but I wouldn’t like the lack of communication. Given the choice I would say no, so to have that choice taken away is inconsiderate.

I would complain but not give any details of the staff, and hope that management would brief in a general meeting/email that it’s an inappropriate thing to do. So noones getting into trouble but they are being told it’s not okay.

On the other side of things a stranger once asked me to hold their baby while they put their pram down and I was over the moon, coz I love babies! (But imagine if I didn’t Confused)

loutypips · 05/11/2019 21:54

You're worried about germs from a glove, yet are happy to put the baby in a seat that's probably covered in germs. Hmm

fliberty · 05/11/2019 22:09

YADNBU, I’d complain about this

BellatrixLestat · 05/11/2019 22:16

I don't think you are overreacting and I would have felt the same way you do (perhaps not as dramatic as your DH).

But I wouldn't complain about it. I think she probably thought she was trying to help (in a weird way) and didn't mean any harm but if you put in an official complaint she will likely face disciplinary action and may even lose her job as companies tend to be over zealous when it comes to things like that. I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone losing their job over something I could have resolved with her at the time.

BellatrixLestat · 05/11/2019 22:17

I would complain but not give any details of the staff, and hope that management would brief in a general meeting/email that it’s an inappropriate thing to do. So noones getting into trouble but they are being told it’s not okay.

Yes this.

Tiptopj · 05/11/2019 22:21

I wouldn't have been happy either, I have no problem with people cooing or even holding my sons hand but I wouldn't expect someone to think it was okay to pick them up without asking me first. Would I complain though? Probably not. I think I'd just put it down as a gesture that was well intended but a bit inappropriate. No harm was done or likely to have been done shes just obviously a bit OTT

PixieDustt · 05/11/2019 22:22

YANBU.
You don't need to give your head a wobble.
Someone unclipping and holding your baby is not appropriate at all.
I would also go nuts if someone tried to pick up my DS who i didn't know.
She should of asked if it's okay to give you a chance to say no.
Next time OP. Don't worry about hurting people's feelings, tell them straight. It isn't appropriate.

fraggleplop · 05/11/2019 22:57

I would be really upset over this too. I would never do that to a strangers baby, just because she works in a shop thank makes it okay?

My baby is immunosuppressed due to drugs I was on when pregnant.. people can't assume it's okay to pick up any baby they please! Even my family ask me first!!

Skysblue · 05/11/2019 23:39

Wow. Of course they shouldn’t have touched your child without permission! My son would have fraked out henis not a fan of strangers. But... Where were you?! If you were right there l, why on earth didn’t you stop them or object? It takes time to pick a child up. So I don’t think you can complain now when you didn’t object at the time.

Barchester · 05/11/2019 23:51

If your partner is "going nuts", why doesn't he do the shopping alone next time and leave you alone with the children??

The supermarket staff clearly realised that you could not cope with your screaming twelve week old (who should not have been in the trolley in the first place) and they were trying to help you. They will have thought that if they helped you with the shopping the baby would still scream. Often an experienced mother or grandmother can work wonders with a screaming baby when the embarrassed mother cannot.

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