She should have let me have it surely?

[AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys]

In charity shop today with a GOOD friend (friend went in before me as I needed to go to another shop). When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers.

I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of. After we left, I repeated that I thought it was lovely and if she changed her mind and didn’t want it after all I’d buy it from her. She still said she wanted to keep it.

Greedy cow has only gone and listed it on eBay!!! It’ll probably sell for much more than she paid for it. She doesn’t particularly need the money. I have a young DC and not currently working. There’s no way I could afford a coat like that at the moment at full-price, let alone whatever price she gets for it on eBay.

She’s been a good friend for a long time and we’ve been through a lot but I honestly think that was so unkind. Am so upset with her.

What do we think Mumsnet? Aibu?

She saw it and bought it first. Sorry but them's the breaks of scouring the chazza shops. I see absolutely no reason why she should just gift you a free coat. She may not be as well off as you think she is and needs the profit from the sale.

I worked at Oxfam for a while, everything that was of real big value was ebayed. They even had a volunteer expert who helped them to identify high value stuff.

Things that were not ebayed but still expensive were put for sale at high prices. One of the other volunteers asked if those prices would be affordable to people in need. The answer came clear from the manager: Oxfam was not there to benefit the local community but to get money for their projects

I don’t think it was that mean. She saw it first. She could have bought it and put it away in a bag before you even got back. It’s not like you both touched the boat hanger at the same time, had a tug of war over it and she tore it from your hands.

I wouldn’t end a friendship over this but I might go charity shop shopping alone if you are going to be upset over other people’s finds.

That’s why I dislike oxfam IdiotInDisguise. It’s so expensive compared to the other 6 charity shops in town. There is hardly anyone in there but you can’t move for people in the others!

I can't see the drama. If she regularly buys stuff to sell on ebay she clearly didn't do it to upset you. I don't think you wanting the coat tops her wanting money.

When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers. I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of. After we left, I repeated that I thought it was lovely and if she changed her mind and didn’t want it after all I’d buy it from her. She still said she wanted to keep it.

It sounds to me like she’d found it and had decided to try it and, if it didn’t fit, sell it on, as is her right. Then you came in commenting about it not being her size. Would I be right in thinking you were suggesting it would be too small? I think that would make me more determined to keep it - especially after your second attempt to get it.

Why is it cheating the charity? They are getting the listed price

Absolutely Aridane. The charity has listed a price they think they can achieve. The idea that charity shops are run by a couple of old dears innocently pricing everything at sixpence whether it’s a Littlewoods second or a Dior original is a myth. Even 20 years ago when I volunteered as a student, and when there was no real market for second-hand clothes online (or new ones, come to that!), managers were aware of higher-end brands and how to price them. They had books on collectable china, toys etc. - anything of real value went to a specialist sale. Can you imagine how things have moved on since then? The vast majority of charities have eBay accounts now; sometimes individual stores too.

If the friend has managed to find something and make a profit on it, that simply means she knew how price it and where to sell it. Good for her.

Maybe the lesson is that if you need a coat and want good quality for a low price, then be prepared to do the spadework yourself.

I’d be kind of annoyed if I’d found a coat I liked and then my friend kept bothering me to let her have it just because I didn’t need the money.

No, she shouldn't have let you have it, and I seriously wonder if some people fail to understand how a business works. Nothing shallow about wanting to stay financially afloat. Any mate who failed to realise this would be told to jog on. I don't mix business and friends, that's when lines become blurred. Shallow ffs. Decent mates are supportive when their mates go down the self-employed route. Not call them names.

You let her know at least twice that you liked it. You mentioned the size in relation to her. People can get clothing altered. Although after listening to you, I wouldn't be able to enjoy wearing it, and I would flog it on ebay. It's up to her ultimately who she sells it to.

And what mate actively goes searching to catch her out about selling 'your' coat? You shouldn't have gone looking because of her property, she decides what to do with it. You aren't her business partner and have no say in how she operates. She is also free to spend money on whatever she likes and if she wanted to give it to some random person, this is also her choice.

She isn't a greedy cow. She is using her money to work for her, and why she is now in a situation where she doesn't particularly need the money. Although what does this mean? Doesn't particularly need it based on what how you perceive she should live? For her, there is an element of need. The reason, none of your concern.

There is nothing stopping you from doing the same. Your financial situation and the fact that you have a child aren't really her concern.

Did she force you to give her the tablecloth? You made your choice to give it to her. You could have sold it on Ebay, which considering your circumstances would possibly have been the wiser choice. Why are your choices more valid than hers? Just because you give away something, doesn't mean she has to do the same. She probably has done or will do what you didn't, and sell it on. 😀

And of course, more drip-feed comes about the horrible friend. Like the mil own son wouldn't be getting involved if his missus was ripping his mum off. lol. Has it occurred to you, that it's him doing everything?

You mention a few incidents that you have questioned her morals. Then why haven't you already dumped her if she's as bad as all this?

I was surprised to learn that posh had dated Corey Haim as a teen, given that she grew up locally to me. I can’t understand how she’d even had the opportunity to have met him there is nothing here but fields and car boot sales

Wrong thread obvs

She's not a greedy cow and you aren't coming out of this smelling of roses either. she saw it, paid what the charity shop asked for it and you were rude.

My mum is a qualified florist and used to have her own business until she got ill and couldn't put the hours in so she mainly does a few bits at home and often buys artificial flowers and vases at carboots and charity shops and arranges them and resells, mainly to local people. I've been in a shop with her when she's found some beautiful stuff, there's no way I'd say to her that I like them and expect her to go without her income .

I also know someone who picks up irregular choice shoes and other expensive brands of shoes like docs and resells them for profit, the money goes towards Xmas as she's on a very low income if I asked her to give me something she'd be making £50 profit on she'd think I was joking. I wouldn't ask her to either because it's rare she finds these so it's not like she can get another low cost item to resell. I know a few people who do it with Lego sets too and part of the increased price covers fuel and time spent trawling through shops over several occasions. So I may see a friend selling a Lego set for £15 that they've paid £5 for but they could have spent six hours looking for lego and £3 in fuel.

It doesn't matter if she's not short of money or if you're not working. I'm guessing you wouldn't be mad and end a friendship if it was ugly coat and something you didn't like yourself, if so then makes you sound a bit like you think instead of making a it extra money, that she should give the stuff to you instead?

Get a job and buy your own bloody coat

YABU.

Link pls to the coat. I want to see it !

If this I'd how she earns money to help support herself/her family, I don't think it's fair to be upset with her.

What did I just read? Your friend bought something, you decided you liked and wanted it and are annoyed she didn’t give it to you? Ffs YABU!

When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers. I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of.
No, not kind fair enough, kind of. Just fair enough. She found and bought a boat she liked. My weight/size fluctuates regularly TBH so I keep a closet of varied sizes. If she got home and decided not to keep it that’s nothing whatsoever to do with you. You are grabby and entitled.

*coat, obviously 🙄

She bought the coat, it's hers. It's up to her what she does with it. If you want it that badly, but on it. Are you seriously going to end a friendship over a coat!?

She saw it first and it’s her coat, it’s only a coat I really don’t think it’s that big a deal.

And for someone who is a GOOD friend you seem to be itching to spill her life and failings as tin see them here.

I have a good friend who can be very selfish in this way. Knowing something is desirable to other people makes it more attractive to her. Recently we were at quite a posh function where one of the raffle prizes was a set of very upmarket heated rollers. We were chatting beforehand and another mutual friend (who is actually godmother to the selfish ones daughter so a very close friend indeed) commented that she had always wanted a set of heated rollers. Selfish friend said that none of the prizes appealed to her so she hoped she didn’t win anything.

You can guess what happened , selfish friend won the raffle and chose the heated rollers. I was standing with her at the time and said something like “X will be so thrilled, you know how much she wanted them’ and she gave me a very off look and said ‘ I won these, they are for ME’ despite saying earlier she didn’t want any of the prizes.

I was so annoyed with her! I went home and dug out an old set of heated rollers of mine, bought new clips on EBay, generally spruced them up and gave them to our mutual friend the following week. About a year later selfish friend offered to sell our mutual friend the unwanted, unused heated rollers and mutual friend was delighted to able to tell her that they were not needed as OMG had given her a set some time ago.

That’s a long story, but the point of it was that this woman can be monumentally selfish and grabby when it comes to money and possessions but in other ways she is a kind and loving friend. She is loyal and discreet and never breaks a confidence. She is very supportive when someone needs a shoulder to cry on or practical help when there are family emergencies. She will always make time to visit if someone is in hospital or stuck at home with chronic illness and she’s always good company. So even though I find her selfishness quite astounding at times, I wouldn’t want to lose her as a friend. If your friend has other good qualities I would let this one go - and be very careful about expressing an interest in anything in the charity shop in future.

I sometimes wonder, when an AIBU is this specific, with this many identifying details, whether the poster is hoping the person in the post is on Mumsnet and is going to read it. I mean with all the details: the coat, selling on ebay, and then especially the tablecloth and the mother with dementia, the person concerned would spot themselves a mile off. I'd be absolutely mortified if I posted something on here about someone and they then saw it. In this case the coat-buying lady would likely be extremely hurt and I can't think that is a good way to treat a friend....especially mentioning the mother with dementia. In fact the more I think about it, the more it really stinks that you've done that. My initial reaction was that I'd have probably let you buy the coat, but seeing the way you've slammed her so publicly and identifiably on this forum, I think she'd be much better with you out of her life ! Maybe you've done other shitty things to her before and that is one of the reasons she won't bend over backwards for you? Hopefully if she does read it, she'll see posts like what @ffswhatnext wrote and feel vindicated. Try not to be so bloody horrible in future!