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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She should have let me have it surely?

518 replies

AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys · 04/11/2019 22:42

In charity shop today with a GOOD friend (friend went in before me as I needed to go to another shop). When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers.

I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of. After we left, I repeated that I thought it was lovely and if she changed her mind and didn’t want it after all I’d buy it from her. She still said she wanted to keep it.

Greedy cow has only gone and listed it on eBay!!! It’ll probably sell for much more than she paid for it. She doesn’t particularly need the money. I have a young DC and not currently working. There’s no way I could afford a coat like that at the moment at full-price, let alone whatever price she gets for it on eBay.

She’s been a good friend for a long time and we’ve been through a lot but I honestly think that was so unkind. Am so upset with her.

What do we think Mumsnet? Aibu?

OP posts:
Countryescape · 04/11/2019 23:46

She sounds greedy and “all about her” you can bet though that if you did the same she’d be annoyed at you.

Interestedwoman · 04/11/2019 23:48

What's the other stuff that's gone on?

It's crap being skint, isn't it? Life isn't fair.

'What a stupid crappy way to end a friendship'

I wouldn't end a friendship over her liking to sell stuff on ebay, which is what this boils down to, unless you tell us the other stuff... x

IDK if I'd get rid of a friend over any 'morals,' but then I'm desperate for friends lol. x

ILearnedItFromABook · 04/11/2019 23:49

I probably wouldn't have asked her for it twice, but it does sound like she bought it intending to sell it and would rather have the extra cash than give you a good deal. That wasn't very friendly behaviour.

Unless you frequently ask for things she's found in shops (which I'd find very annoying in her position), I'd be hurt and would think less of her.

Belfield · 04/11/2019 23:51

I don't see what the big deal is. She obviously is someone who likes a good deal and likes to make money. She saw the coat and thought, I can make a few bob from that, and then you came in but it was too late then. Don't see what you not working and having dc has to do with anything so not sure why you mentioned it.

Mumtotwo82 · 04/11/2019 23:54

If I found an expensive coat that I knew I could sell for much more I would probably do it too. But if a good friend who wanted it was with me and it wasn't my size then yes of course I let them buy it I feel too awkward not too. It's why if I did the sort of thing your friend does, I would bargain hunt alone. Ive had experiences of getting something that my friend clearly is a bit jealous I snapped it up first.. hence why I feel uncomfortable shopping with friends.

PollyFeather · 04/11/2019 23:54

It'sClear you're desperate to spill
All the other stuff she's done.

It was her coat. You've done this before - offered to buy her stuff off her - so maybe just stop doing that

Jenasaurus · 04/11/2019 23:57

When I read the OP I thought that you were going to say she bought it in your size as she was going to give it to you, hence asking what you thought of it. Its her choice to sell it, but it really is time to evaluate your friendship with her. I would definitely not go shopping with her again. It seems so deliberate. If you bid on it, and she takes your money for it, wont she be embarrassed and ashamed of her actions.

LadyAddle · 04/11/2019 23:58

I think she sounds really unkind. Don't go shopping with her, have a good time doing a round of the charity shops by yourself. I hope you beat her to some nice items in future.

IdiotInDisguise · 05/11/2019 00:02

What a cheek... if you really want it, buy it on eBay. It was never your coat. She found it, she paid for it, the fact you fit in it and cannot afford it is irrelevant, sorry.

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/11/2019 00:08

So this is one of the ways she earns money? She looks for bargains and sells them on? And you knew that but when you went with her and she found something good you thought she should give up that opportunity so you could have it for yourself?

I think YABabitU. I see that it would have been nice for you, but I don’t see why you feel more entitled to the bargain than her. If you want something great from a charity shop you need to put the hours in looking for it.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/11/2019 00:09

She found it, saw that there was value in it, so she bought it with the plan to re-sell. I don't see what the problem is with that. Just because you liked it and it would fit you it doesn't make her plan mean or immoral. By your logic one would obligated to offer or give friends one's things if they no longer fit (or just no longer suited) rather than sell them or donate them to charity.

It would be different if you'd previously told her you'd seen this coat and were thinking of buying and she rushed out and bought it out from under your nose.

managedmis · 05/11/2019 00:09

Just a bit meh really isn't she. It's pretty sad buying a coat that'd fit a friend, friend liking it, then her selling it on friggin ebay. She should have said here you are, take the coat

VaggieMight · 05/11/2019 00:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Aridane · 05/11/2019 00:13

It is ethically dubious to buy cheap things from charity shops and immediately sell them on and keep the money. Firstly, it is cheating somebody who may really need the low costing items, and secondly it is cheating the charity

Why is it cheating the charity? They are getting the listed price

DonKeyshot · 05/11/2019 00:18

A good friend would have said lovely coat, shame it doesn't fit me, but I could buy it and sell it on eBay unless you want it and given you the opportunity to buy it.

If you were my very good friend and I was flush I most probably would have bought it for you and said 'here you go - early Christmas present'. Smile

starfishmummy · 05/11/2019 00:19

You say she doesnt particularly need the money - but maybe thats only because she sells stuff on.

But I think the lesson here is not to mention that you would like something she has her eye on. Just a non commital "thats nice" and move on. Or dont go shopping with her!!

DonKeyshot · 05/11/2019 00:21

Out of curiosity and without asking for actual figures, roughly how much did she pay for it and what has she started the bidding at?

I could take a non-payment hit on my eBay account slaps self for thinking mean thoughts.

Evilspiritgin · 05/11/2019 00:34

So to all the people on here saying the friends greedy, she could’ve taken it home tried it on and then decided to sell it

I can’t imagine ever ever following a friend around shopping say i will have that, I honestly couldn’t be so cheeky fuckery or uncouth

katewhinesalot · 05/11/2019 00:39

It does seem mean.

Scattyhattie · 05/11/2019 00:53

Maybe she does actually need the money from eBaying hence not wanting to hand over the coat or has given friends her finds in the past only to regret it (maybe found they sold it on themselves). I don't think your wrong for feeling upset either but probably not worth falling out over just remember visit the shops without her in future.

If something i loved i'd buy it on eBay listing then message to say will collect in person Grin. Although do a search for similar coats as sometimes I find eBay is cheaper & better condition for items than our local charity shops.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 05/11/2019 00:58

I’m curious because it wasn’t clear, did you offer to buy it from her or just have it from her? (Sorry, but that wasn’t clear to me). That makes a difference in my response...either way I think I’d bid on it just to see what happens next.

Ebonyandivory2 · 05/11/2019 01:01

You’re being a little entitled. She saw it first. Also you don’t know the ins and outs of her financial situation. Much ado about nothing

DonKeyshot · 05/11/2019 01:06

A lot of charity shops sell on eBay and I agree with Scattyhattie that eBay can be cheaper and the items are in better condition than those found in my local charity shops,

Derbee · 05/11/2019 01:10

@AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys you’ve asked her for 2 different coats. Just buy your own?

LovePoppy · 05/11/2019 01:11

Yes, mean. Technically it's her coat and she can do whatever she wants with it, but a kind person would have offered it to you.

This is unfair
She found it first, she bought it.

Now, she should have said she bought to re-sell, but she doesn’t owe OP the coat.

We talk so much about how entitled people are. This is why.