She should have let me have it surely?

[AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys]

In charity shop today with a GOOD friend (friend went in before me as I needed to go to another shop). When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers.

I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of. After we left, I repeated that I thought it was lovely and if she changed her mind and didn’t want it after all I’d buy it from her. She still said she wanted to keep it.

Greedy cow has only gone and listed it on eBay!!! It’ll probably sell for much more than she paid for it. She doesn’t particularly need the money. I have a young DC and not currently working. There’s no way I could afford a coat like that at the moment at full-price, let alone whatever price she gets for it on eBay.

She’s been a good friend for a long time and we’ve been through a lot but I honestly think that was so unkind. Am so upset with her.

What do we think Mumsnet? Aibu?

I don't understand if u were in need of a coat and could only afford a charity shop coat ? Why did u go into another shop before hand ? Say u had found something your friend wanted I'm sure u wouldn't have given to her ? You seem very jealous of your friend .

Considering the mate didn't try the coat on in the shop, she could have got home and tried it on then.
Didn't like it on her, didn't fit, whatever it doesn't matter. Maybe op if you didn't say what you said, regardless of how you said it, she would have asked you first.

think about it for the moment. If you were her, found that coat, she came in saying what you said when you haven't even tried it on. Putting aside who's more richer than who. Would you hand over the item you liked?

No, because the moment you opened your mouth you started to put doubts in her mouth. You already know she has body issues, she's a yo yo dieter ffs. Why is she going to 'reward' you for putting negative thoughts in her mind?

Now do you understand? @AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys and those calling the mate a bad friend.

A good friend doesn't mention size or weight to someone with eating issues. That's mh and you never ever know the demons they are fighting. Why would a good friend trigger someone with eating issues like this?

Aside from my DP & mum and sometimes my two closest friends, no one really knows when money is tight. There is no basis to assume that you know the full scope of her finances so you CANNOT categorically assert that she does not need the money.

Also, if she is using the funds to buy and sell more stuff on Ebay, then yes it seems she does need the money. If she were using it to fund holidays and luxury purchases, then we can assume it's just pocket money but like any other business, she uses her profits to grow her inventory and existing business, ergo, she needs the money.

And to the posters asking, yes, I would have given my friend the coat in a heartbeat if I knew her situation BUT the second it appeared that said friend felt entitled to the coat, then I would have reconsidered. And the nail in the coffin would have been the insinuation about weight. That was such a low blow.

It depends on what your definition off a 'friend' is. She is not what I would call a friend due to her priorities. A true friend would have wanted you to have the coat over any potential small profit, made from selling it. I don't think people are a genuinely thoughtful and caring slip up in such a oblivious manner.

I must admit I took a sharp intake of breath when you said she advertised it on Ebay. I think as you say, I would now be viewing her in a different light. A friend of mine once worked for a famous fabric company and got discount on fabric per metre. I bought 15 metres from her and found out from another friend that she had charged me approx 3 times the price she had got it for. We don't see one another any more!! I never actually told her I knew just cooled the relationship gradually.

I like to buy and sell on eBay. I hunt for bargains and was thrilled to find a coat that I knew I could double or triple my outlay on.
I bought the coat to list it but my friend then rocked up into the shop and started hassling me to sell the coat to her for what I paid for it. I really don’t want to sell my purchase, I’m really pleased with it. AIBU?

Grow up it’s a coat.

What @Everydayishistorytomorrow said.

Next time she asks, do not go shopping with her..!! She's not a true friend so don't give her the ammunition to fire....Go on your own and find your own bargains....

Were you an only child ?
You post sounds like a child having a tantrum
She purchased it, she can do what she likes with it
If you want it that badly, buy it
She may have financial difficulties and it's what a good friend would do -
But you will not be doing that will you ...

Hey don't group all us only kids in the same group. I think about people and look at the actions of the person.

In this case, the friend has eating issues. Op walked in, opened her gob and triggered something in the mate. Like fuck am I handing it over so every time I see her wearing it the coat laughs.

Cannot take it back to the charity shop. She probably could but really who would?

So now she has this coat that op has darkened for her. Puts in the wardrobe, only it's still there every time she opens the wardrobe.

She has two choices let it go to mate and every time she sees mate, the coat is there. Laughing at her.
Or she can get rid of the thing entirely and it's out of her life.

You may be thinking I am reaching. It's all there in the ops posts.

The friend whose weight fluctuates. People with healthy food ideas don't fluctuate to the point that others notice.
The friend according to op who knows everything about the mates life (sarcasm), buys to sell on Ebay.

What if it's not. She cannot take them back to the second-hand shop. The coat triggers something in her. She needs that item out of her life.

But what would I know? I'm mean and uncaring because I agree with the mate. It's not the first thing either that the op has wanted and it's been ebayd. Maybe the op triggered her with her nice words of sure it will fit you then.

I'm the unkind, uncaring one who would have asked a long time ago if she was ok, and I was always here. And I'm not saying the op is responsible for her mate, just have a little think before you do permanent damage. Is everything actually as you are seeing? A selfish greedy cow who did it to spit you. Or is it to protect her mental health

Why don’t you speak to her about it? You’ve said you feel like ending the friendship anyway, so you have nothing to lose. Put your side across, listen to hers and see what happens.

Personally I think I’d have given you a chance with the coat. But she could genuinely not have realised how much it meant to you. You say yourself that she wouldn’t have a clue you’re upset as you let it drop straight away.
Talk to her. At least if you end up falling out over it then you’ll both know why the friendship is over. Otherwise you’re in ghosting territory.

I’ve only read a few pages but I think op is not only entitled but really rude! And it’s a fucking coat!

I think she's a crappy friend, and tbh, a crappy person too. I absolutely hate people who buy stuff from charity shops purely to make a profit on them!

If it was me, I would have given it to you.Was it a designer coat? I wonder if she figured she could get some money off of it for the label. She probably saw dollar signs. She wasn’t thinking; kind of mean on her part.

Not really mean spirited though if friend needed the cash.

If a mate asked, and I didn't need the item/cash I would consider it. And part of that consideration includes how the person asked.
If asked nicely, I would have looked around to see if anything else could bring me the cash needed, or is there something else I liked.

Question if something will fit me, no matter how it is worded and I will keep and sell it. I am not going to spend time looking for something else when regardless of how it is worded, it's not nice.

A decent mate wouldn't have put a mate in that scenario. Mine wouldn't. If yours do, are they really your mates? I would rather me mateless.

You are implying a person is fat.

If friends ask do you think this fits me, does it make me look fat/thin/small/tall? That is completely different and the person wants your objective, honest answer.

I've already got an idea in my mind if something fits. It might be too small for me at that moment. People do this all the time as a goal. Look at wedding dresses, bought slightly small in a way to lose weight.

Business and friends don't mix.

Communication resolves everything. Even if that communication is loud fuck off. Had op, and others in similar situations asked the person, they would know a part of the truth the person wants them to know. Much easier than sitting around making up shit based on how we would do things. If mate was a selfish dickhead, then yea see ya.

I don't base things on purely what I see, I want to know the motivation around it. It may be justifiable. Not saying I never make snap judgements, I am alive. When I realise a mistake has been made, even when it's pointed out to me. I look at it and see there is another side and I want to know.

The friend may not see if she has made a mistake because the item was about business. And sometimes you can never switch off from this, which I think a lot of people are understandably missing as well.

Should have tagged @AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys in my last post.
I know some posts may of seem blunt. But the point I was trying to make all alone was in that last post.

I know you posted days ago lol. Just keeps popping up to my last on thing. You've probably dealt with it by now. If you've cut her off, not trying to guilt you (and no I'm not the mate 🤣 ). But for you and others reading, a little communication goes a long way. Not saying don't bring this shit here either. It shows you care enough but don't know what to. No one does things just because, there is always a reason.