She should have let me have it surely?

[AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys]

In charity shop today with a GOOD friend (friend went in before me as I needed to go to another shop). When I got back 2 mins later she’d found a gorgeous coat, lovely colour, in great condition, my size not hers.

I said how lovely it was but was it the right size for her? She said she liked it anyway, fair enough, kind-of. After we left, I repeated that I thought it was lovely and if she changed her mind and didn’t want it after all I’d buy it from her. She still said she wanted to keep it.

Greedy cow has only gone and listed it on eBay!!! It’ll probably sell for much more than she paid for it. She doesn’t particularly need the money. I have a young DC and not currently working. There’s no way I could afford a coat like that at the moment at full-price, let alone whatever price she gets for it on eBay.

She’s been a good friend for a long time and we’ve been through a lot but I honestly think that was so unkind. Am so upset with her.

What do we think Mumsnet? Aibu?

superfandango

Of course I am being sarcastic - the OP only wants that coat because it's a brand sold for very little - she wrote so herself. Nothing to do with being 2nd hand.
She could find plenty of other choices for the same price, but funnily enough, she is not interested. It's not the coat she wants, it's the label.

she obviously thinks making £20 is more important than a show of kindness to her ‘friend’ ....

why is it up to the friend to show kindness and understanding, and lose out, but never to the OP?

She’s not a friend. You deserve better. And I’m baffled that some people think you age come across as entitled? It doesn’t read like that to me at all.

I didn't see it first
I didn't buy it first
I could buy a lot of other choices
but I want that one and will never speak with you ever again if you don't give it to me. You are too fat for it anyway.

No, not sure why the OP comes across as entitled, not a single clue.

That was mean of her but clearly it's a 'thing' of hers to go into charity shops and get bargains which she then sells on Ebay at a profit. Nothing to stop you doing the same...? Avoid going to charity shops with her in future, then this can't happen again but it's not worth losing a friend over. You can find another coat, you might not be able to find another friend quite as easily.

Can I ask how lots of PP seem to know how much the friend will make from the coat? Coats I have bought from the chazzer include a full length woolen Moschino cheap and chic super smart tailored coat, a Moschino cheap and chic bomber jacket, a three-quarter length Miu Miu leather coat, and a vintage Burberry trench. All of which would make me a profit of much more than a tenner/twenty quid if I were to sell them on.

Nobody truly knows another's financial problems. Maybe she didn't feel like telling you?

^
This

The only person who knows my financial status is my husband - we have joint finances

Are you sure though she's not strapped for cash? No-one, not even my closest friends know when I'm a bit low, its not something I talk about, I just make cut-backs and sell things. If she's really quite well off though, its rather mean of her, and I think that friendship has run its course if shes really that tight. x

Can you make a comment on ebay listing like, saw this in charity shop for £Xx only yesterday. Call her out if you can. Horrible that she is hoping to bake money from a charity shop bought item. Greedy mare! Just because she can doesn't mean she should especially in those curcumstances.

Im seeing a lot of people who think shes mean but I kinda dont. She bought it so can do what she likes. You didn't ask her for it. Hinting doesnt always work so you should have been straight up and asked her for it.

I guess Op could ask gently about finances to see if her conduct could be excused, but then that might very well not go down at all well!

‘To see if her conduct could be excused’? She’s not a schoolgirl up in front of the headmistress for snogging behind the bike sheds!

My first thought is that she’s short of money and she’s doing this specifically as a way of making some cash.

I sell loads of my stuff on eBay. Sometimes I worry I’m selling things friends/family would like, or at least like to have first refusal on, but I need the money and so I put it on eBay.

I think that is so incredibly mean of her! Different if she had intended to wear it but not only is she being a crummy friend she is profiteering from a charity shop purchase.

Really in hindsight I should have rephrased it as “that would be perfect for me” and it may have made her think twice but really whatever I said she was keeping it anyway.

God. You’re just shameless aren’t you?

There’s an awful lot of hot air being spouted here, and it surprises me that there are people defending OP’s friend.
She bought a coat that she knew wouldn’t fit her, and now has it on eBay presumably to make a profit, when she knew her friend who it would fit, would have liked it.
It could be of course that the friend doesn’t have as much money as OP thinks and that she needs to make some money towards Christmas, but even so, buying a coat that she knew would fit OP and that OP would have bought had she seen it first is not is not the sort of thing I would expect any decent person to do, let alone someone who I considered to be a friend.

Her coat, she can do what she bloody likes with it. Not much of a friendship if it hinges on a second-hand coat, is it?

Crappy thing to do to a friend.

If I were the friend and you had asked me direct instead of making PA heavy hints (and the gibe about my size), I would have been happy to let you have it. However, with the way you approached it, I would have resolutely kept it for my eBay sideline

Did she say you could have it, or did you just assume? From your narrative, you have tried to make out she is a bad person, but is she? You have already stated that you know she sells items on Ebay for profit, would you walk into a store and tell them you only want to pay cost price? And get upset when they say no.

@IamPickleRick

I had a similar experience in the Next sale Chloe84 but without the niceties. Toddler trousers, a woman grabbed them from my hand and tried to pull them off me. I’m fairly formidable when the need arises without having to even say or do much, I just held on and said “I don’t think so” and she let go and ran off.

Definitely no niceties there! That’s terrible. The first half hour of a Next sale is carnage.

Bring on Black Friday

Chloe Perhaps I should have grabbed it from her and ran off - i’ll Be more assertive next time, thanks 😂🤣😂🤣

And before you all flame me, anyone who fails to recognise that as a joke needs a brain transplant 🤦🏻‍♀️

YABU OP your former friend doesn't owe you anything. You have no idea why she is selling the coat, maybe she does need the money. Have you seen her bank statements. TBF people need to keep finances and friendships seperate. If a former friend was going to dump me over something I bought and paid for, I'd let her entitled self go.

it is cheating the charity

No it's not. The charity prices its goods to sell in the area any given shop is located in. A coat might sell for £85 in a middle class area, for example, but only a tenner somewhere else. Some charities send higher value items to shops in more affluent areas so they can be sold for more, others list items on eBay. Ones that do neither probably don't have stores in other local areas to send things to or don't have the manpower to sell on eBay.

Nobody is 'taking money away from the charity shop' because they're paying the price that's been asked. What somebody does with an item when they've bought it is up to them. Nothing ethically dubious about it whatsoever. In fact, everyone's happy - the charity got what it asked, and someone else has made a bit of money.

Until recently I was a charity shop manager, btw, and we used to have regular customers who came in who ran local vintage shops/were eBay sellers and we used to put items aside that they may be interested in. We made a lot of money from them - and probably, they did from us. But nobody was going to come into our shop and pay £35 for a 70s lurex jumper - or the tenner they paid us. So everyone was a winner.

OP, your 'friend' is a dick, incidentally.

Wow, you are still defending yourself. You have been kicked for being entitled, not for bringing in weight issues. Suit yourself.
As for me defending your friend, I am not large. I am size 8 myself. So, your mentality of people defending your friend rather than you because of their size doesn't work for me.
If you found the coat before your friend, did you really buy it straight away? Or just so fixated because you lost the chance to buy that particular one? It just sound too obsessive. You maybe able to find something similar or better, if you keep looking. If you are so desperate to find something in particular, you would have gone into the shop before she did. I would. Finding a bargain which you really love is so difficult in the first place.