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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you ever wonder why people don't have children

473 replies

Moominfan · 03/11/2019 22:37

I'll just get my hard hat ready. I never ever say or indicate this out-loud hence why I'm posting on a online Internet forum. But if I come across someone of a certain age, I wonder what the reasons are. I was adamant at one in my life I'd never have kids and I know someone people never change their minds. Not everyone wants children, never happened for them ect. List goes on. It just crosses my mind and wonder if anyone else ever shared this thought.

OP posts:
FilthyforFirth · 04/11/2019 19:02

I'm far more likely to wonder why people have more children. You only need to read this board on a daily basis to see women in desperate situations who have added additional children.

It is none of your business why people dont have children and I would have thought the main reasons are bloody obvious tbh.

Mackerz · 04/11/2019 19:08

@SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated

No worries, DSD’s mum’s situation is hard for me to get my head around. Smile. I thought perhaps I hadn’t explained it clearly.

SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated · 04/11/2019 19:21

@Mackerz you did. Then Penguin tagged you in hers and I got it mixed up. Blush I guess I need feeding so the brain concentrates properly

AllStarBySmashMouth · 04/11/2019 19:27

You can "wonder", sure. You can wonder about anything in the comfort of your own head. You shouldn't ask though. We have our reasons. I'm happy to share mine, but not everyone is. Not everyone chooses to not have children.

ForalltheSaints · 04/11/2019 19:31

Sometimes but it's not something I ask people about.

Overthinker1988 · 04/11/2019 19:37

I do wonder sometimes but would never ask as it's none of my business. What puzzles me more is why someone without children, who doesn't like them and doesn't plan to ever have any, would be on Mumsnet? I've noticed quite a few people like that. It seems an odd choice of forum if you're childless/childfree by choice?

Fandoozle1 · 04/11/2019 19:38

I don’t wonder or ask.
My dear sibling is unable to have children and some people who aren’t aware of the fertility issue ask innocently enough, however some people who do suspect there is a fertility issue ask my sibling when babies are on the cards, they do it to add extra pain to an already hurtful situation.

PurpleDaisies · 04/11/2019 19:39

It seems an odd choice of forum if you're childless/childfree by choice?

BINGO!!!!!!!

Mackerz · 04/11/2019 19:41

@Overthinker1988

I’d recommend you have a good look around on mumsnet. There are all sorts of forums such as book lovers, telly addicts, style and beauty, property and Brexit, to name a few. You don’t have to be a mum to join in those discussions do you? Or do you have to be a mum to “really” understand those topics, in your opinion?

raspberryk · 04/11/2019 19:42

Haven't rtft.
I used to, now I have my own I wonder why so many do have kids, and some people have so many of them! 🤣

EmpressLesbianInChair · 04/11/2019 19:46

It seems an odd choice of forum if you're childless/childfree by choice?

BINGO!!!!!!!

PurpleDaisies wins! Star

Squirrelblanket · 04/11/2019 19:48

@Jennifer2r

'People say you can never really understand how draining tiring worrying and difficult it is having children until you have them,but I think you can get a good idea, and that's why some of us choose not to.'

Yes to this! All my friends have children and our group chat is always full of complaints about how they didn't realise it would be this hard/tiring/boring. And I'm quietly giving them the side eye thinking, REALLY?!? Why do you think I didn't want them! Grin

PurpleDaisies · 04/11/2019 19:48

I held in there. I didn’t think it was coming after so many pages of comments but I knew someone would finally trot it out.

ActualHornist · 04/11/2019 19:49

No.

EmpressLesbianInChair · 04/11/2019 19:54

I held in there. I didn’t think it was coming after so many pages of comments but I knew someone would finally trot it out.
**

I think that might be a record though. It normally comes in a lot sooner.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/11/2019 19:55

What puzzles me more is why someone without children, who doesn't like them and doesn't plan to ever have any, would be on Mumsnet? I've noticed quite a few people like that. It seems an odd choice of forum if you're childless/childfree by choice?

Because MN is boss! Full of very switched on people (not all of them women either). It’s more than just the thinking person’s Nethuns (don’t think that actually exists anymore but that sugarsndspice user was DEFFO an ex-subscriber) . You can learn a lot about al aspects of life from the gravely important to the frivolous and “mix” with people from different social circles who can actually change your world viewpoint on important issues, just by reading a thread. It’s been discussed in Parliament, on telly.

And well.....penisbeaker.

S’entertaining too.

Only problem is, reading this thread has got me thinking “well, what the hell is it all for anyway?

I have kids. I wanted to have DH’s babies but probably wouldn’t have bothered with anyone else.

But, besides the guilt about not being the perfect parent every waking moment, in my mid-40d I’m evaluating my whole life and wondering exactly what it’s all about. Was it a good idea to have them? Have I brought them into a world of turmoil and uncertainty? So, the people talking about kids being the “meaning of life”, well, 10 years ago I might have known what you meant. Now, I’m not so sure. Maybe the hormonal urge is totally transitory to ensure the human race stutters on somehow.

Or maybe, having kids is just learned behaviour these days. In prehistoric times, people just shagged whoever they fancied as the urge took them. No marriages etc. People didn’t even know that shagging led to babies. They just assumed that when a baby appeared it was a gift from the gods. Perhaps ignorance was bliss...

MyNewBearTotoro · 04/11/2019 19:57

I do sometimes privately wonder. I have a few colleagues in their 40s or 50s who don’t have children and I have sometimes wondered whether that was a choice or by circumstance, but I would never ask and of course it’s none of my business.

Mackerz · 04/11/2019 19:58

I think @Sugarandspiceandallthat was on spice.

WombleishofTheThighs · 04/11/2019 20:01

@PurpleDaisies @EmpressLesbianInChair It had to happen eventually, I'm only surprised it took so long Grin

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 04/11/2019 20:15

It seems an odd choice of forum if you're childless/childfree by choice?

Annnddddd there it is! Now this is a real childless/childfree thread!!

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 04/11/2019 20:16

@PurpleDaisies well done on your quick spot btw! Gin on its way......

PurpleDaisies · 04/11/2019 20:17

Thanks leigh! I actually have a G and T on the go right now...

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 04/11/2019 20:19

Nice one. I'm demolishing a rather nice bottle of Shiraz. One of the joys of cutting my hours at work - I can now drink on a school night Wink

Phoebesgift · 04/11/2019 20:20

I've visited a childless or childfree forum out of curiosity and the way they talk about women with kids was really offensive. They were talking about breeders and the descriptions of babies and children was revolting.
I wonder why some women have to belittle and degrade the choices of others on both sides of the fence.

SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated · 04/11/2019 20:21

@Phoebesgift which forum was thatShock

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