Do you ever wonder why people don't have children

[Moominfan]

I'll just get my hard hat ready. I never ever say or indicate this out-loud hence why I'm posting on a online Internet forum. But if I come across someone of a certain age, I wonder what the reasons are. I was adamant at one in my life I'd never have kids and I know someone people never change their minds. Not everyone wants children, never happened for them ect. List goes on. It just crosses my mind and wonder if anyone else ever shared this thought.

@AlexaAmbidextra Oh do give over. It was a valid question and by the sounds of it a lot of others have asked it before, so obviously I'm not the only one wondering.

@PurpleDaisies Well I don't spend my life on Mumsnet, I only joined recently as I got pregnant and wanted advice and info, so I have no idea what's been asked "four billion times".

It was just a passing thought, I don't actually care who hangs out on what forum so you can all calm your knickers.

I've just literally lol at the idea of a child free life being meaningless and people not being able to get their head around women choosing to be child free. In all honesty there's something seriously wrong with your understanding of the world and imagination if you think these things. It's basically saying, I can't possibly understand how anyone can make a life choice different to mine. Ffs!

Hey overthinker there’s some dads on here too! And possibly some men without children. And possibly some gender neutral people, but that’s a whole other subject.....

Good advice for anyone who’s spending time wondering about the reproductive choices of other people.

@HowManyToes 😂😂😂

@overthinker1988

I actually do have a daughter but get involved in all sorts of threads. I’d say about 80% of the threads I engage with are nothing to do with parenting and I have no idea whether or not the posters I am engaging with are parents or not, as it just isn’t relevant to whatever it is we’re discussing. I don’t think it’s odd at all, in real life I engage with lots of people and I often don’t know whether they are parents or not either.

Like others I am more interested in trying to understand why women do have children with often very little thought or consideration. Too often women have a child with a useless man, then admit that they never really planned or properly discussed financial issues, how to raise a child, housework split etc etc. (Some) women have children far too quickly just because they assume ‘that’s what you’re supposed to do’ .

I didn’t want children because I wanted to be nomadic and travel about in life; jobs, different towns to live in, different countries.

I had 3 long term relationships in those times but never once thought about children.

I was the eldest of 4 and sorely remember being woken up too early every weekend by noisy younger siblings, having to look after them as the age gap was big enough and both parents worked full time, so the maternal thing never kicked in as the memory of how noisy and demanding kids were was still fresh.

I later had two accidental pregnancies with a highly unsuitable partner. But I was happy, and continued as a lone parent until very recently.

The only people I know of without children; one came out of a vey long term relationship with a woman who already had teenagers and didn’t want more kids, so he didn’t have kids with her.
The other claims she’s barren but has lifelong weight, smoking, unhealthy lifestyle issues and seeing as she’s ‘common law married’ to a child rapist is probably a blessing in disguise she can’t conceive.
The other are a young (I think early 30s) couple who are going through IVF.
Also an old school friend but she has been through some horrendous abusive issues with men so I’m not surprised she was sensible enough to ensure children weren’t brought into the mix.

So everyone has a reason.

I saw, thank you again, Empress. We will treasure it.

I used to wonder why people didn't have kids.

Than I had 2 of my own and all was clear.

I love them dearly, wouldn't change them for the world, but jeez am I looking forward to the day they are truly independent in every sense. I will miss their little hands and feet, lovely day trips and holidays and Carole services. Nope. The reality is years of tantrums followed by hormones, holidays spent at shite resorts looking at nice bars you cant go into and hours sat listening to the TAs child yet again being star of the show in an overheated hall. Parenting is hard work. There are things I love about it and I cant imagine my life not being one, but theres a whole sack of shit that goes along with it and I don't blame anyone for opting out.

Surely it's quite obvious? Not everyone can have children, biologically speaking. Some people just don't have the urge to have children.

People tend to hang out in places that match their interests, including online. The site is called MUMsnet. "For parents by parents". Why would someone who has no interest in parenthood come here?

I read Daily Mail and they'd reported on a couple of AIBU debates. It sounded good and full of quality chat, so I joined. I then discovered all the TV show chats/debates/Brexit and never left.

I was a bit old for the Student Room and didn't know of any other forums with this much traffic. I do use Reddit too.

@Lucinda88

Thank you, thats exactly why I haven't had them

Hats off to to you parents. I've been to kids birthday parties, I've been to soft play, I know how much holiday clubs cost, I watch the news.

I know people say 'once you've had your own you love them so much none of that matters and you do it all gladly'. But I know for some people that's not the case and I know I don't want to spend 5 to 10 years worrying and not sleeping and cleaning up sick.

And on balance I'm happy to forgo the magic moments and unconditional love and feeling like I've finally found my purpose in life etc.

Because I'm happy and my life is pretty good without it, and Lord knows we don't need any more children and we certainly don't need any more parents.

@LuckySeventhWave, I'm the same. Sibling with 10 year age gap meant I never got a single lie in till I left for uni! I sacked off family holidays from 14 onwards so I could visit my other family for peace and quiet. The nightmare and boring funfairs/parties/sports days of toddlers is still fresh in my head.

unconditional love

Lots of threads on MN actually rebut the unconditional love thing... Don't they.

I’m 37 never been broody but I do shit myself for the future.

I know a few childless couples who are early 40s or older. Some I know because they got with their partners late and missed the boat so they say (although they don't appear to be gutted but who knows) and others the have different goals. I would never dream of asking. Imo raising children is definitely not for everyone and those who know it I admire as they seem be happy with that. I've never asked a person why they don't have kids, as it's totally a personal choice.

It very rarely crosses my mind to be honest! I wouldn't ask though because its up to the person if they want to talk to me about it.

Iv only ever wondered it about one couple actually and I'm still not sure why it even popped into my head. Probably because this couple seem like they would be nice parents.

I don't have any biological children. I used to want them but decided at 21 due to my health it probably is not a viable idea even if I wanted them or be fair to any children born. As Iv gotten older (mid 30's now) I don't have any desire really now in fact I'm on the other side of the camp now! I feel like I made the right decision and glad I was able to put my wants aside to make a decision based on logic.

Daft AIBU.

How can anything you think be reasonable or unreasonable? It's your head.

I know several people who don't have children

They are NOT lesser people !

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Do you ever wonder why people do or don't have pets ?

Tbh I wonder why more people don't have kids given how hard it can be, how expensive they are and how over populated our planet is!
So no, not really!

I think they either don't want children or can't have children. That's it. I'd never ask as it's personal and I'm not rude in that way

No, I never wonder about it. It's absolutely none of my business, I don't give it headspace.

For the record, we have two boys

I don't ever think about it because I'm able to understand that everyone is different and have their own preferences. I think it's quite sad when people can't appreciate that others don't necessarily think the same way as they do!

Wouldn't the World be really boring if we were all the same?

hours sat listening to the TAs child yet again being star of the show in an overheated hall.

Oh Jesus!! This brings back memories (or is it nightmares!). The stupid primary/junior school shows that you had to sit through, especially at Christmas. The little clan of crazy parents waving frantically at their offspring on stage. Yes, they do know you are there and are probably wanting you to stop making a tit of yourself waving at them like a demented ferret!!

The cringeworthy Year 6 leavers assembly, where all the pupils were glad to be getting out and parents balling their eyes out!! I happily sat there thinking, bring on Secondary school where we don't have to deal with this shit.