Do you ever wonder why people don't have children

[Moominfan]

I'll just get my hard hat ready. I never ever say or indicate this out-loud hence why I'm posting on a online Internet forum. But if I come across someone of a certain age, I wonder what the reasons are. I was adamant at one in my life I'd never have kids and I know someone people never change their minds. Not everyone wants children, never happened for them ect. List goes on. It just crosses my mind and wonder if anyone else ever shared this thought.

I never wonder why others don’t have children. Didn’t know I had to!
I always get ‘why don’t you have children you’d be a great mum’ YAWN.... because I can’t be arsed to say I’ve had 5 miscarriages, multiple gynae issues, a step son I LOVE AND CHERISH and I’m nanny to my 1 year old nephew I’m quite fulfilled in the child department... also I’m very immature. Which is why kids love me.
I’d rather have cats x

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Have you lot got a new thread? I’ll come and visit soon.

Phoebesgift yeuch depressing. Glad mn doesn’t have all that stuff.

Yanbu to wonder why, but would be unreasonable to ask!
I have a close colleague in her late thirties been married for over 10 years , no kids, we see her and her dh socially.
tbh I do wonder whether they don't want dc or if they do and can't have them. We talk about loads of things but she's never mentioned it and I never ask, it's up to her to tell me if she wanted to, but still I do sometimes wonder....

No I don't wonder.

I do remember being bewildered when one by one my fiercely anti-children friends all got pregnant within the space of a few years. Seems that I was the only one who didn't change my mind!

I do wonder how many years will pass before not having children is just accepted as the valid life choice it is though.

I never wonder but when a man or woman is in their mid 30s say, doesn't have kids, I'm always tempted to tell them I'm so fucking jealous.

Conversely I had one acerbic twit at a Christmas party ask me if I knew how to use birth control. Could've lamped her. Luckily was too pregnant and exhausted.

I often wonder why people do have children

I've noticed quite a few people like that.

So not only does Overthinker (oh the irony) have difficulty in comprehending why we childfree are here on MN but has bestowed upon us a group title. We’re people like that. Go us! 😂

Yes, on a new thread, Empress. It's been a bit... contentious the past day or two. We're still awash with piss though.

The childfree forum is one that has an ongoing thread about "breeders"

They seem angry and offended by others having children for no reason whatsoever.

I’d rather have cats

Ahh so you prefer unrequited love and adoration then

For true love and everlasting devotion only a dog will do....❤️❤️❤️

I've never wondered about other people's choices. I've just thought some people choose to, and others choose not to or are unable.

I'm happily married, financially stable etc but have never felt the desire to have children. After I got married, I was asked constantly when we were having children, but after 15+ years together that has now stopped. I think a lot of people think we are unable, rather than choosing not to - based on some pitying looks I've received when I've said we don't have children. I've stopped saying we are childfree by choice now as it's no-one else's business, and I've had lots of negative comments about it - you're selfish, going to end up a mad old cat lady etc.

I think there is a very strong societal expectation of marriage then kids. Whereas for me, I loved my husband so got married. I saw choosing to have children or not as a totally separate decision from the one to get married (I'd obviously had prior discussions with my husband). According to my mother, this is not "normal".

The biological clock hormone urge has never happened to me, have never felt broody etc and I'm nearly 40. I do sometimes wonder if it will ever hit me, and am also curious about what it feels like e.g. does it just come over you one day and you just know you want children?

As it hasn't happened to me yet, I think it's unlikely that it will. However I do also sometimes wonder if I will suddenly get the urge, and then it will be too late and I'll regret not having one. At the moment though, I'm perfectly content not to have any. Will look forward to getting a cat in the future

Phoebe for every balanced site there's another which is a frothing mess of vitriol. You can say that for virtually every subject out there - including kids (or not having them).

I've seen unpleasant posts about 'breeders' - I've also seen equally unpleasant posts about childfree women being 'selfish and cold'. My particular standout moment on here, was being accused by a poster of trying to talk an OP into having a termination simply because I must be bitter because I don't have kids and therefore must have an agenda. My 25 years of active feminism clearly have nothing to do with being pro-choice!

Point is, there are weirdos and nasty people all over the place.

@Mackerz Yeah I get that but I always thought those forums were for mums to talk about things other than children, as they do obviously have other interests.
Clearly you don't have to have kids to understand these topics but it just seems odd to sign up to a website specifically aimed at mums and mums-to be to talk about books? It's not a criticism, it just would never have occurred to me to come here when I was happily child-free and not TTC.

@Overthinker1988 lots of people, myself included came through property forum, signed up to get an advice. And then discovered AIBU

I have to be honest, before I had kids, I thought people who actively didn’t want them were weird, must be underlying trauma or something. Then I had kids and realised that it was a totally valid life choice! Of course I love my kids dearly but if I actually realised how fucking hard it is I may have thought about it a bit more critically. I feel proud of intentionally childfree people that they were able to know that’s what’s right for them.

I think its fine to wonder, but not to ask.

I am blissfully childfree, but because I'm in my mid-thirties and married, nosey parkers just love to ask if I have children and when I say no, tend to look aghast and ask me why ever not? Do I have (whispers) issues? Or am I one of those hard-nosed career women hahahaha?

It is so utterly tedious to have to politely explain that I never wanted DC, I'm not at all interested in them and I have no intention of having any. I had a hysterectomy this year and one absolute peach actually asked me if I was worried that my DH might "stray" with another woman in order to have kids. FUCK THAT NOISE.

@PurpleDaisies I don't understand the passive-aggressive attitude? It's a logical question. People tend to hang out in places that match their interests, including online. The site is called MUMsnet. "For parents by parents". Why would someone who has no interest in parenthood come here? I genuinely don't get it. I wasn't having a go at anyone.

It’s been asked four billion times before and requires almost no logical thought to come up with an answer.

@Overthinker1988 ahh, the faux innocent naivety. I mean, it's not like someone asks that particular annoying questions at least once a week or anything.

If you want to know, search. I for one a, totally sick of justifying my presence on a free, anonymous, internet site.

@Overthinker1988 I came on here whilst going through shit times in a relationship, the advice on the relationship board was ace. I then wanted to look up a few recipes so popped into Recipes/food. I then had a question about a freehold property so popped over into...... you get my drift?

Overthinker1988 I don’t know if you’ve read the whole thread but if so you might have noticed speculation about how long it would take for someone to ask that question. The only reason I didn’t call Bingo was that PurpleDaisies beat me.

I wonder why people have kids so often. But never why they don't. However I don't so I get it. I've never wanted them. I'm early 30s been with my partner 15 years so lots of time to think about it. Although I never wanted them.

No, I don’t. I know that, whatever the reason, it’s a bloody good one, personal to them and absolutely none of my Jeffing business.

Yes, on a new thread, Empress. It's been a bit... contentious the past day or two.

That’s a shame. I’ve just popped in and left you a threadwarming present.