Friend told her daughter I was a lesbian!

[Flyingbytheseatofmyknickers15]

Hey lovelies!

Slightly difficult conversation. I have a friend who I met through a DV group which our children were a part of. We had a girls night one evening and I offered her to stay over. I laughed and said we would cosy up in my bed, with the tv and some wine after the pub. She declined.

Afterwards, she told her daughter she thinks I'm gay because of saying she could stay in my bed. Her daughter told my daughter that her mum thinks I'm gay. 🙄🙄🙄

I'm very much a dance in yer knickers with your mates, kinda woman.

I cut ties with her, because I feel that actually, as humans, we should be solid and supportive towards one another and it caused issues with my daughter who asked me about it. My daughter has been very aggressive towards me at times following the separation between me and her dad. This situation exacerbated it.

My friend from the DV group has recently contacted me. Should I cut her off or be honest and explain? We had fun as friends but aren't very close. Should I make the effort?

I don’t think she should have said anything to her daughter. That’s where she is in the wrong.

Thanks Geraldine. It's so hard to phrase and so hard to convey tone etc...when writing.

That's what I was trying to say... With no sexual stuff ever mentioned or implied etc... I didn't think anything of it. My bad. I probably need to be careful with new friends I meet. I discovered a huge bond with women after the seperation. I still adored my male friends and they were so supportive. But I hadnt had a lot of female time before that! I totally love the bonding and laughs... it's a really lovely difference. I definitely value my friendships more than I ever have xxx

Op I think you are getting a hard time but you do not need to justify what you see as a nice evening with a friend. It sounds fine. It is you and what you like. You don’t have to feel bad about it.
However you should appreciate that to some people this would seem like a come on and your friend thought it was. She is likely very close to her daughter given your mutual experience with your ex’s so she talked to her. I am assuming your dcs are not very young.
You also say your laid back so why didn’t you just contact this friend, laugh it off. Tell her the things you said here such as how you like to watch films glass of wine etc.
She was likely really stressed about how she would turn you down.
I would hate to be in the position where I had to tell a friend I wasn’t interested in them and they were into me. This would be especially difficult if the abuse experienced was sexual in any way. This is the situation she thought she was in. This could have easily been remedied by an simple explanation.
It’s done now. It is still fixable.

If you felt she was a close enough friend to invite to cozy up in bed why couldn't you have just talked to her about this?

But you sounded as if you were coming on to her and people are telling you this over and over and it's "oh wow, I'm so naive"

Yes, I agree with this.

This really makes me question stuff.

I never did do the 20's kind of thing with girlie friends. I was building my family. Maybe I'm just a bit late on that? Do you know, I've never been on a gilrly weekend? I had to decline all hen do invitations for years.

Some of my friends, one of my bests said that she would love to watch a film with wine and laugh with ice cream in my bed! But she also said, before I met you, I wouldn't have done that! I just feel like I can with you and it's a fun thing.

Maybe I'm reliving youth for past things I missed. I'm also working hard to get a better life for me and my babies. I think I work hard and play hard. Maybe with blinkers on for some of it....

Cosy in a duvet, ice cream, wine, giggles.

What are you giggling so much about? Pass on the tips

ust don't see what's weird with chilling with your mates and having a laugh? Bed or not?

I am sure you would find it so hilarious and "cool" if one of your best friends was watching a movie and "having a laugh" under the duvet with a glass of wine with your own partner...
Male or female

You sound like a fantastic friend! I wish I had friends to do this with!

You seem a bit fixated on blankets and duvets. Every fun thing you mention includes them.

I’ve ever been on a ‘girly weekend’ either. Lots of women haven’t. You seem to have a bit of a fantasy of what female friendships are like based on The Babysitters Club or whatever you were reading as a little kid.

This lady has felt uncomfortable with your attempt at friendship, as would many people who do not include blankets and duvets in every list of fun activities they make. Why not apologise for any misunderstanding and try to move friendships forward without mentioning blankets or duvets for the next little while. Let people have some personal space as you get to know them.

I am a lesbian and wouldn’t suggest inviting acquaintance back from pub and “cosying” up under a duvet with a not very close mum friend, surely you can see how that can be misinterpreted? but everyone is different, your friend was bang out of order to involve kids in conversation about it specially at a sensitive time just after your break up

There's nothing wrong with your suggestion! But you must be able to see from this thread that it's not for everyone.

Your 'friend' was probably just wondering if she gave you the wrong impression and for some reason, it has really offended you. This could have all been sorted if you had just talked to her about it.

I don't consider my mum telling me about something that happened to her "gossiping". Your poor friend has done nothing wrong.

I laughed with my daughter about the situation but inwardly I was narked off. There are some things I can't explain about my daughter.

My friend was always rather vocal. Equally she knew the situation about my daughter.

What if she told her daughter I called her out on it and she told her daughter? What if more gossip got sent to my child? I don't want an episode of corrie on my door step!

Breaking friendships makes it look more dodgy, be mature and talk it through, just say what you have said here about reliving youth and the importance of female friendship to you, tell her she Had caused Trouble with your daughter, if it’s going to be a good friendship she will be mortified about upset she’s caused and you will be laughing it off

I totally get what you mean about feeling comfortable with your female friends, comfortable enough to dance in your knickers! I didn't take your comments about snuggling up in bed as a come on, but she may have. This is a reflection of her experience & thinking, not yours. It seems you might not have known her well enough to be so laid back. Her assumption was incorrect, so if you want to be friends with her just say that and move on, it doesn't have to be a lengthy or difficult convo.

Oh my, yes it's all about the blankets and duvets! It's autumn! In the summer it's sunbathing, books and cocktails at mine!

It is gossip when it's rubbish and not an informed opinion.

Yes, not for everyone! I'm pretty guarded about friendship so maybe it was just too quick. When you talk in that capacity it does change things or maybe just skews it?

Oh, thatMuppetshow
I was very loyal and had to deal with that along with DV. Im under no illusion there. But when you do trust your friends and you just want to be considerate and caring. Then that's where I went wrong. It can be misconstrued. Some people seem really offended and baffled! Eye opener!

I think the offer of going back to yours was friendly. But that ended when you added "cosy up in bed and drink wine". After that it just sounds like you came on to her even though you didnt intend to.

Hey Mavis, she came to mine first and I wasn't keen on going out at all. I actually called to cancel! She insisted so we went to my local and I offered her to stay because she lives a fair taxi ride away. (Also discussed before). I had spare rooms but just said we could cosy up with a film, wine and ice cream after the pub! I didn't, at the time, think anything of it!

Just accept that most people would find it a come on. She probably just took as that. & so was just stating a believed to be fact.

How long do you know her, tbf I'd be at your suggestion.
You could have invited her to stay over and watch a movie on the couch.
Strange to meet someone through DV group and offer a sleepover in bed together.

This is such an odd thread.

You asked for opinions but seem offended by any that don’t agree with you.
You say you are chilled and aren’t into drama but have blocked her on social media and are refusing to talk to her.
You said her comment to her daughter caused problems between you and your daughter but then said your daughter laughed about it as she knows how you are with your friends.
You say you don’t have a problem with lesbians but honestly, I can’t see how any of this could possibly have escalated this far if that was truely the case.
The friend sounds decent and not homophobic as she obviously hasn’t tried to cut you off (even if she thinks you’re a lesbian) so I doubt the message was conveyed to her daughter in any negative/gossipy way.
As far as I can see, most people have said your comment could easily have been taken the wrong way by someone who wasn’t a very old and comfortable friend. Reasonable responses. Why are you so furious?
I am flummoxed.

I've danced in my knickers with a friend and slept in her bed. We were very very drunk and there was no sexual anything. It was just daft fun.
I get you OP. Some of these posters haven't lived 😂

OP, I'm sorry you've been through DV and hope you r ok.

I am just wondering, given your DV experience and your view of what female friendships should be like, if you haven't had the best male and female role models in your life.

It feels like your views on relationships are a little off-kilter, and it might be a good plan to talk through your current and past relationships with a professional sometime, to think through the impact of past relationships on your current relating.

I'm a female in my 40s and have never shared a bed with a woman or danced naked with a woman. My old uni friend when we were in our 20s did do a bit of that, and some people do, but I imagine only with v close friends (by the way, she is gay, though wasn't 'out' at the time).

If a friend thought I was gay, I wouldn't be bothered! If my children had told me they'd heard a rumour I was gay, we'd have a chat and a laugh about it.

I wonder where the sensitivity comes from. Feels like you have concerns for your daughter and what she thinks of you.

I'd get yourself sorted with some counselling, then maybe address your relationship with your daughter (again, maybe through some kind of talk therapy).

And ... yes .. I'd think it a bit odd if someone I barely knew wanted to get into bed with me :) but I'd probably laugh it off!

You literally suggested Netflix and chill. Plus wine.

You think you're cool and chill because you would never dream of this being a come on. I think you're not because it sort of assumes everyone is straight.

And to some of the tedious posters; most of us have slept with various combinations of women, men, animals and not had sex. But in this particular set of circumstances, yes, I'd think about it.