Friend told her daughter I was a lesbian!

[Flyingbytheseatofmyknickers15]

Hey lovelies!

Slightly difficult conversation. I have a friend who I met through a DV group which our children were a part of. We had a girls night one evening and I offered her to stay over. I laughed and said we would cosy up in my bed, with the tv and some wine after the pub. She declined.

Afterwards, she told her daughter she thinks I'm gay because of saying she could stay in my bed. Her daughter told my daughter that her mum thinks I'm gay. 🙄🙄🙄

I'm very much a dance in yer knickers with your mates, kinda woman.

I cut ties with her, because I feel that actually, as humans, we should be solid and supportive towards one another and it caused issues with my daughter who asked me about it. My daughter has been very aggressive towards me at times following the separation between me and her dad. This situation exacerbated it.

My friend from the DV group has recently contacted me. Should I cut her off or be honest and explain? We had fun as friends but aren't very close. Should I make the effort?

If you want to maintain the friendship, maybe reply to her and apologise if she thought you were hitting on her, that wasn't your intention at all and you are straight.

You could also let her know that your DD was upset to hear that from her DD.

If you aren't that interested in the friendship then just don't respond.

I am not surprised your friend thought you are a lesbian. I would have too.

If another woman invited me into her bed, yeah, I’d assume it was for sex. I am a lesbian though. I would ask her what she meant rather than assume, especially if I knew she was straight. I prefer to share only beds with women I’m having sex with tbh, so would probably decline.

You propositioned her. You did, you really did!

Well maybe you offended her, why are you automatically in the right as regards being offended

Wow again! It's not about being gay! Being gay is neither here nor there!

It's about the presumption of someone's sexuality with something so innocent!

It's difficult with DV because you talk about close intimate issues without being close....

My daughter's aggression has been being dealt with. It's a been a long road!

Really?

Do friends not watch a film, cosied in a duvet laughing their heads off these days? Am I just a traditionalist?! I do this with my daughter's all the time! It seems totally normal to me!?!

Op I get what you mean with the dancing in your knickers comment but really offering someone to sleep in your bed that you don’t know well is a little odd. She was probably really uncomfortable and didn’t want to upset you having to turn your perceived come on down.

Wow again! It's not about being gay! Being gay is neither here nor there!

It's about the presumption of someone's sexuality with something so innocent!

But it’s not so innocent. People are telling you they would read that suggestion as a come on.

You seem a bit obtuse.

I don’t see a point in cutting her off with no word. She mistakenly thought you came on to her, and she told her daughter. Sounds like you both made slightly clumsy comments about people you didn’t no that well. I can see why you don’t want to be friends with her after she caused a rift with your daughter, but she hasn’t actually done anything terrible so you may aswell let her no what happened or maybe just keep it so you can say hi if you bump into each other. It just doesn’t seem worth such a fall out to me

The only time I've drank wine with a women on her bed was at uni on halls when there was limited social space. It's just not a thing that I would expect to do with a friend.

I'd think that cosying up with film and a wine is a come on too but she shouldn't have gossips about you.

Do friends not watch a film, cosied in a duvet laughing their heads off these days? Am I just a traditionalist?! I do this with my daughter's all the time! It seems totally normal to me!?!

Doing the described activity with your daughter is an entirely different proposition to a friend you don’t know all that well.

I do think you’re being deliberately obtuse here.

Oh dear!

No, why would I cuddle up in bed with wine and a friend? It's just weird and something I'd do with a partner.

Also why would you be offended that she thinks you're a lesbian?

It is an odd proposition.

Worried that you find being ‘accused’ of being a lesbian a problem.

Not close with her as long term friend but discussed very intimate issues from the offset. It's the nature of the group our children attended.

You have the to ignore the situation or take solace in others. Unfortunately it's the way it is. I'm very heart on sleeve.

I was poorly that night and didn't wanna go out. She got a taxi from miles away and convinced me the local pub would be a good bit of fresh air. I just wanted to go home, laugh, have some wine and got to bed!

It affected my daughter. My bad. I didn't think it was a come on in any way! Obviously I made a mistake!

Yeah, I can see where she’s coming from. A casual friend has never invited me to cosy up in bed with a bottle of wine. In fact, only my partner has offered me that, and he certainly didn’t mean it in a platonic way. Reader, I cosied up with him and drank wine, and that’s how DS1 was made 😂

Your friend hasn’t really done anything wrong.
Speak to her, and explain you weren’t coming on to her, and then carry on with your friendship. It’s not worth losing a friend over.

I haven't ever met a woman who wants to dance in her knickers with her mates. I've lived a sheltered life though, so that's not to say they don't exist. But if you're like that, I imagine that some people may find it unusual and may put 2+2 together and make 7.

This is all very odd (if true).

You seem to lack healthy boundaries and appear to treat acquaintances in the same manner as you do close friends and family. I’m not surprised she thought you were coming onto her.

Ive never snuggled under a duvet to watch a film with a friend. Surely you just sit on the sofa?

I have ONE friend I would watch a movie under a duvet with but on the sofa, not in my bloody bed. If a new friend I didn’t know that well suggested watching a movie in her bed I wouldn’t necessarily assume she was coming on to me but I’d be very uncomfortable with it and pull back. It’s way too full on for most people.

Oh my god you were ill as well? Come and snuggle in my bed with wine and snotty tissues. No wonder she ran for the hills

Op, to be honest, unless you're a teenager or a student, and have no socialising space of your own, then no it's not really normal for grown women to invite other women they aren't long term friends to get into their bed, cosy up and drink wine.

Doing that with your child is totally different.

I’d think you were coming into me but wouldn’t gossip about it

I used to have a friend who I would share a bed with, we would watch movies snuggled up under a duvet and drink wine. Getting ready to go out together usually involved a certain amount of dancing around in our pants too! I honestly never thought anything of it, and there was no sexual intent as far as I was aware.
Unfortunately, she thought otherwise and we fell out quite badly when she made sexual advances and I turned her down. So it isn't always a good idea to assume that what you see as innocent is just what everyone thinks of as normal for female friendships. However, gossiping to her daughter about you was out of order, and I would be very angry about that. She must have known it would get back to your daughter and upset her.