Friend told her daughter I was a lesbian!

[Flyingbytheseatofmyknickers15]

Hey lovelies!

Slightly difficult conversation. I have a friend who I met through a DV group which our children were a part of. We had a girls night one evening and I offered her to stay over. I laughed and said we would cosy up in my bed, with the tv and some wine after the pub. She declined.

Afterwards, she told her daughter she thinks I'm gay because of saying she could stay in my bed. Her daughter told my daughter that her mum thinks I'm gay. 🙄🙄🙄

I'm very much a dance in yer knickers with your mates, kinda woman.

I cut ties with her, because I feel that actually, as humans, we should be solid and supportive towards one another and it caused issues with my daughter who asked me about it. My daughter has been very aggressive towards me at times following the separation between me and her dad. This situation exacerbated it.

My friend from the DV group has recently contacted me. Should I cut her off or be honest and explain? We had fun as friends but aren't very close. Should I make the effort?

Well you like to woffle anyway! Summarise that in a sentence.

Op, you do you but you do need to consider that not everyone will share your views. You clearly made this friend uncomfortable. She's not compelled to cosy up with you in your bed, drinking wine, whispering secrets by candlelight is she?

Clearly she has different boundaries to you about what constitutes friendship and she's entitled to have them

It wasn't an issue. I felt Ill and told her not to come. She came anyway! Then she was very insistent we went out (she was all dressed up). I said I need an early night cos I felt so awful. We can whack some films on in my room and chill when we get back!

A friend of mine met us for a swift one. She then got a taxi home and that was the end of it!

Nada, nothing....

Why exactly did you post to AIBU, @Flyingbytheseatofmyknickers15? You seem utterly convinced that you’re right and anyone who disagrees is just a repressed stick-in-the-mud.

Is it just that you really like the sound of your own fingers clacking away?

It's about the presumption of someone's sexuality with something so innocent!

Snuggling in bed with someone - children / sibling apart - inevitably has sexual connotations,

If you invited me to snuggle in your bed, I would take it as a come on and would read loud and clear that you were out and proud and a lesbian

Oh, FFS.

Listen to yourself. You think it is 'so human' to suggest cozying up with a friend (and what - being a lesbian isn't 'so human'?). You think you've been 'branded' and 'shamed' because someone thought you were gay.

I sincerely hope you are a troll.

I truly love candles, wine, blankets, laughing! (Also really stupid dancing!).... always got to dance like no-ones watching... even if they are!

Ok taking it a bit far with the fridge magnet cliches OP.

We'd had many conversations about men. Dating etc... I think maybe snuggling is seen as cuddling? Not hot water bottles under a duvet feeling lushious, laughing your head off at a film!

Butchy, it wouldn't matter what I said. I understand now why many posters feel like they can't speak. Is this not mumsnet? A place for parental solace, advice and reasurrance for what we have to deal with? As far as I can see it's about blasting fellow parents. Not constructive criticism. As if we are not judged enough in society, as people, women/men, parents, SAHMS/working mum's, political preferences, diets, exercise, breast feeders/bottle feeders, the tv/media we watch or read. I just wanted humans to talk to, with mutual respect.
You're not responsible my emotions peeps but I feel very defensive with what I've read. I'll make sure I stay as a mumsnet user so I can display honesty in a kind way, non-judgement and caring. Isn't that why this website was setup in the first place?

Let's face it. We don't post this kind of stuff without upset beforehand. I thank those of you for lessening some of it and feel baffled at those who increased it. I'm really sorry if I explained the original post poorly. First timer error.

It's not all black and white. Sometimes a bit of colour in the vision can do wonders....

I think maybe snuggling is seen as cuddling? Not hot water bottles under a duvet feeling lushious, laughing your head off at a film!

You wanted to feel luscious under the duvet?

It's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain

(Nods wisely)

Carabello, no I don't! Not a fan of decals!

Zebra, hell yeah I wanna feel lushious under my duvet! Whether it's my old massive grey knickers and a hot water bottle or a sexy slip... gotta make it lush!

Butchy, it wouldn't matter what I said

I don’t know what you’re on about. I’m asking why you bothered to canvas opinion when you’re convinced that you’re right and everyone else is wrong.

What’s the point? ¯\(ツ)/¯

Sexuality shouldn't have been the issue.

It wasn't.
Having read your updates, your friend isn't bothered if you are gay.

You, however, have unfriended her on fb ffs.
You said you work in therapy/counselling? Why the hell can you not discuss this unremarkable misunderstanding with your friend, rather than pass-agg moves on fb?

You have been close enough to discuss the horrors of DV & much more. How is it that you cannot now just say oh whoops I think I gave you the wrong impression the other night?
Why all the cutting-off & angst?

Oh zebra! Many appreciate motivational quotes! I'm not going to judge and when someone is at a low ebb it may be the only thing they can relate to!

I am like you op and wouldn't take it in a 'lesbian' kind of way! I often sleep in the same bed as my friends after an evening or night out..or even not after going out. I'd be honest and tell her but would question the friendship and be cautious if she openly told her daughter she thinks you're a lesbian!

OP, if you are after kind, non-judgemental and caring honesty.... I am not sure AIBU is the right place to post

Id rather be branded forever than lose the opportunity to pass on caring and good friendship.

Um ... except you just did. When you ex'd your mate on fb, & said you are cutting her off.

The really doesn't have to be the huge deal you are making it.

Why can't you just clarify that you didn't mean anything by the suggestion did and move on?

This*

It happened months ago. I took her off social media last week because it had been ages.

I got a message today asking me how I am... (she must have realised). It's a kind of should I bother to reply or not situation. Do I mention what my daughter said, just carry on as normal or ignore?

Most lesbians I know wouldn’t come on to people by suggesting snuggling in bed with wine. I would have taken your offer at face value op. You sound very kind perhaps just with an unusual turn of phrase.

To add, I'm pretty weird about friends now. I had to lose lots of mutuals with H. (Not my choice). I'm pretty anally retentive about whom I allow in now. It's a safety mechanism and I've ways believed in quality, not quantity.

Oh and I'm not a counsellor. I'm training in other therapy. 😁

just don't see what's weird with chilling with your mates and having a laugh? Bed or not? Again, maybe that's my naivety. But with so much crap in the world, can friends not be friends without stupid things constantly in place to cause bias and/or judgement?

I can't work you out. Nothing wrong with "chilling with your mates and having a laugh" and you well know that. But you sounded as if you were coming on to her and people are telling you this over and over and it's "oh wow, I'm so naive"