To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

[Coconutbug]

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

The problem is smotheroffive is that you think that mothers are more important than other people and their wishes and needs should always take precedence.

Yup

Of course been a very anti 'women who dont have children' vibe.

It seems like there's a one-sided expectation, that a woman who experiences one of the most life-changing emotional experiences has to shut up, not have her baby with her because others don't want to see it?

No, the expectation is that you dont attend events thats are child free with your baby. You either go without your child or dont go.

The expectation is that when you choose to have a child, the parents lives change. That doesnt mean everyone else you know, has to change their preferences.

I appreciate all the comments but to clear things up it's definitely nothing to do with her having a mc, fertility issues etc etc. I know I will get the rebuttle saying you don't really know what someone's going through. Well I'm not going into all details of her life but I know all of these things are not currently an issue or the reason.
It is purely because she doesn't think the venue is suitable for babies. Which is fine, it means I'm not going.
She has responded saying she wants to see me another time, we haven't arranged a time yet but I did say I'm going to have one or more of my children at least for the next few months. She said she doesn't mind children being wherever so I don't think there was anything malicious behind what said although perhaps not delivered in the most tactful way.
To others saying the group will coo over the baby, they aren't really the type to be like that. If I had a new dog it might be like that but not a baby. I guess that's why I pressumed it wouldn't be that much of an issue/mean baby is centre of attention.

You actively exclude your friends that have just had babies if thats your thing. I hope none of your friends think thats either a friendly or reasonable thing to do.

The friend wasnt excluded. She had to make a choice because she decided to have a baby, which sometimes means you cant do everything you want. When you want to.

It's an observation of how this thread has progressed and its seems very unsupportive of women generally

For woman there you mean only those women who have reproduced. That's nit supporting women. That's hypocrisy. That's what I and other posters keep pulling you and Alicia-whatever the number was up on. You are being a hypocrite because you see woman as synonymous with mother and this excluding women without children.

Leighhalfpenny If you invited me to a lunch I would be there like a shot. I am sorry for some ridiculous things that have been thrown at you.

Smotheroffive I would avoid your lunch at all costs. Whether I was EBF or not.

Alicia is just an unpleasant person who has made some seriously horrible comments and clearly has a lot going on.

Don't worry OP I wasn't referencing you there.

I was referencing many of the pp comments about being childless, acticely choosing to not have dc, or mc etc.

That I wouldn't feel comfortable excluding a friend in your situation.

No, the expectation is that you dont attend events thats are child free with your baby. You either go without your child or dont go.

This ^ basically. That if you're a friend who has a new baby you are excluded because friends don't want to see your baby. Its odd and unfriendly. Given that you don't actually have the choixe of leaving your baby and shouldnt be expected to.

This thread does seem to have highlighted an issue that many think inviting you precludes you bringing a newborn
Thats theres an expectation upon new dms to leave your babies at home because thats what you can do and if you don't you're being entitled!! . Mind blown that some think this!

@BillieEilish cheers! I do feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall though.

@Coconutbug that's great news. And yes. I understand about the puppies!

As my mother used to say. Can't argue with stupid.

A reason you want to just post to be rude Billie

You sound angry at me because I don't agree, it doesn't add to the discussion. I don't think we were talking about you and I lunching. Childish tbh.

I think “my feelz” is a horribly disparaging way to refer to the grief of a woman who has lost a pregnancy.

And there is no explanation as to why the “feelz” of the new mother are paramount but the “feelz” of the child free do not count.

That if you're a friend who has a new baby you are excluded because friends don't want to see your baby. Its odd and unfriendly. Given that you don't actually have the choixe of leaving your baby and shouldnt be expected to.

So because you have a baby, everyone has to have child friendly occasions?

Do you think women should have to consult their friends when TTC, since it impacts them as well and their life is expected to change.

I think “my feelz” is a horribly disparaging way to refer to the grief of a woman who has lost a pregnancy.

Those were my feelz about my mc

I haven't said that.

Driving your slant on my words doesn't change my words.

I would step away until I felt less emtional.

How would you step away from your own birthday party.

Excluding yourself, socially, is unlikely to help emotional trauma.

Those were my feelz about my mc

It doesn’t read like that - when you said you “wouldnt” do this or that it read like a hypothetical. You were comparing those actions with what you think others should do, thereby clearly bringing in others to the equation.
But even if you did mean yourself, in the context of this thread where the whole point is how another woman feels about child free events, I think the wording was inappropriate.

And I’m sorry about your miscarriage, genuinely.

Tbh, I am really surprised that after such a loss, you cannot understand or have sympathy for not being quite in the birthday spirit, especially not to arrange a 'do' of any sort. My birthday is not the be all and end all. Losing a baby was a very big deal, devastating, at the time, and no, I wouldn't inflict that on others by saying they had to leave young babies behind, when thats not even a choice.

Please don't think you can tell me how to recover from the loss of my baby. I did what was right for me, and you don't get to judge me for it.

And some people may have felt getting together with people and having something to celebrate would be good for them.

You dont get to people that they just grieve how you did.

Jeez, how bossy!

I will describe my feelz about my mc any way I want

How bonkers and controlling.

I will deal with my trauma my way and certtnot inflict it on others or exclude other women with babies because of my feelz. Blimey, all that means is I took responsibility for my loss and grief and didn't put it on others. Don't you tell me I was behaving inappropriately as ironcially that would be so inappropriate.

What a farce!

I didnr say you were work for grieving how you did.

But you are wrong to tell others that arenr doing it the right way and should hide themseleves away.

Thank you for your sympathy for mc though. I am over it so its not necessary to overdo that event here, I only mentioned it to demonstrate that I had been on both sides is all.

Wrong not work