To be told it wouldn't be good to go for an afternoon meal with my 6 week old

[Coconutbug]

Its my friends birthday next week and she wants to go out for a Sunday roast. The place she has chosen has a children menu.
She has just text me to ask if I'm coming because they need to put down a deposit.
I haven't seen any of this group of friends since before baby was born through one reason or another. None of them have children.
I have a 6 week old exclusively breast fed baby and I said yes I can come but will need to bring baby and pram.
Her response I'd love to see you and meet baby but I don't think that will be good because it's an upmarket place.

Granted it is quite fancy but if it has a children's menu it doesn't make me think twice about taking a baby.

AIBU???

@Coconutbug I am very sorry to be so rude on your thread. You are clearly a reasonable person and entitled to be sad at missing your friend's event.

Are you deliberately trying to misconstrue now?

Anyone can grieve however they like and need. There, fixed that for you.

It is however unreasonable to be hurtful to others, to take your hurts out on others by excluding them because thats hurts. If you are not ready then you are not ready.

Like others have suggested, some deal with it by excluding all women with dc, or those that become pregnant whilst their friend and then ghost them.

I don't think thats fair on others, when ita about owning your own pain. For some thats not possoble and they avoid.

You can only manage yourself, not others.

@Smotheroffive you are coming across like a complete and utter tit. And if I have to see the words my feelz shudder once more, I might vomit.

I'm not trying to justify it to myself. You asked what gave me the right, and I answered. I stand by what I said. You can talk about your feelings in any way that you like, but don't be disingenuous. We were talking about the support that a woman struggling with fertility problems might need, in terms of adult spaces. Referring to your own experience in such a trivial way was bound to be read as applicable to any other person having that experience (particularly given that you view any exclusion of mothers as discrimination), otherwise you'd have taken far more care to caveat it. I'm bowing out of this thread, now, as I don't enjoy spending my time getting upset online. OP - I'm sorry again.

Screamed I am so sorry.

Ignore.

Does anyone over the age of 13 use the words my feelz? Really? Especially in relation to how another woman might feel following a pregnancy loss?
Fucking hell.

@ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo from me too. Look after yourself.

It is however unreasonable to be hurtful to others, to take your hurts out on others by excluding them because thats hurts. If you are not ready then you are not ready.

And if you are reas to have a night/meal out with friends for your own special occasion, but not ready to be around kids, that's fine too.

You dont have to wait until you are ready to take everything on at once.

You dont get ro tell people how they work through it or that your way is acceptable and their way isnt.

You don't even need to be hurting at all to decide that you might want an adults only event. It's not something that needs explaining or excusing or a myriad of reasons found for it. It is just a decision about one meal on one day.

We've made some deletions where there were personal attacks - hopefully the thread can get back on track now or we'll have to take it down. Peace and love

Yanbu
Friends can take awhile to get used to sharing their friends with alittle one, the friendship will settle with time. I took my LB to the ritz when he was 4months old all was fine. Can you suggest meeting at another time to carry on the celebrations but at another venue

Pretty poor friends not to have visited you since you had your baby six weeks ago, OP - that's a shame.

Aghast at the number of posters on here who think a toddler should be kicked out of her own home when her mum has visitors! WTAF!

OP, I hope you find some additional friends who are more accepting of where you are in life. They are out there.

This,
@LaurieMarlow

I agree with a lot of what smother is saying.

I also think we need to build awareness as a society that mums and newborns often come as a package and it’s often not reasonable to expect babies to be left.

So while I think it’s fine to say you dont want babies, that can often mean the mother is excluded.

I’d be interested to know what the cultural practices around this stuff in countries with much higher bfing rates than our own.

Well I took my firstborn out alot when she was a baby - quite honestly because it didn't occur to me that I shouldn't 🤷‍♀️
There is such a variety of restaurants where I live ran by European 'natives' ... For example we went to an Italian restaurant that couldn't be more unfriendly for babies, no baby change facilities and the only way to enter was down a huge flight of stairs. However the waiters couldn't be more helpful as soon as we walked in, they carried the buggy downstairs and made sure we had a table where I could put the buggy. The waiters who were all italian seemed comfortable with breastfeeding - you know you can just tell when people are comfortable or not, some even asked questions. This was my experience in several of the Italian restaurants I went to especially.
I think alot of European countries practice later bedtimes than I guess the majority of people have in the UK aswell - in a way maybe making it more acceptable for children/babies to be around.

I don't know if cost of formula and avaliability of it come into play at all. I have experienced people buying milk in bulk to send overseas because it's not so readily available.

I'm not sure really, it's a strange one as formula hasnt been around that long if you think of it generationally so it's interesting to see how fast attitudes can change toward it.

Still going around in circles I see. I'm out.

'Leighhalfpenny If you invited me to a lunch I would be there like a shot. I am sorry for some ridiculous things that have been thrown at you.

Smotheroffive I would avoid your lunch at all costs. Whether I was EBF or not.'

Me also

TBH after seeing all the deletion gaps of certain posters I can only imagine a lunch of any kind with them would not be a pleasant experience.

I agree with @MarthasGinYard

Well I took my firstborn out alot when she was a baby - quite honestly because it didn't occur to me that I shouldn't 🤷‍♀️

I know. There isn't a shouldnt . GB does have certain sectors that are very family intolerant.

Continental europe just doesn't feel the same atall.
There are babies and dc everywhere and yes into the late hours. But then the late hours thing is normally the heat as its cooler.

Its a shame that bottle-feeding was seen as the best way and promoted as such, but whichever, its not a block to being out unless the dm finds its difficult/awkward, but the more women publicly bf the more widely its a societal norm and ignored, unremarkable and accepted.

I think the thing is, in other cultures theres also a broader family experience at a birthday party with many different ages. I haven't really done highly commercialised spaces, so couldn't comment, but of the less commercial smaller communities, this is what I've observed, and generally the dc and other guests interact more than the dm, including the baby. These are treasured memories for me. A lovely close community atmosphere.

@Leighhalfpennysthigh my last post was aimed at the poster asking about cultural differences not this lunch.

I didn't even think to ask before and just assumed it would be okay. It was very naive of me.

I can only assume you are not trying to have a reasonable convo Marthas by repeating previous unpleasant posts.

You seem to have linked pp with what you say, however, the only posts deleted for breaching TGs were not mine. So you are wrong there.

TBH after seeing all the deletion gaps of certain posters I can only imagine a lunch of any kind with them would not be a pleasant experience.

All of mine had called out the pp offensive behaviour, I quoted what had been said, so were removed.

Theres no need to try to reinflame is there? To what purpose?

Please just let others have a discussion.

Oh coconut.

It was reasonable of you! Please don't think you're naïve. Intolerances are something we need to move away from. Excluding women for having babies is an intolerant practice and discriminstory.

It ends up making dms like you feel like you're doing something wrong and you're not.