Child Maintenance: When does it stop

[1stTimeMama]

Wasn't sure where to post this, so please redirct me if needs be.

We pay CMS for my husbands son. He turned 20 in October, but is doing a level 2 BTEC at college. The CMS gave us an end date of the 1st October, but his Mum has been in touch today chasing her payments, and has said we are to pay until 1st November 2020.

As far as the internet tells me today, payments cease when the 'child' turns 20, regardless of if they're in education, and when they are no longer eligible for child benefit, also 20.

Could anyone please confirm where we now stand with payments please? We will of course call CMS as soon as possible, but we'd like some kind of answer sooner.

My daughter turns 20 soon hers stop then.

Can your husband afford to still pay it?
Does his son need the money?

CMS will be open tomorrow to call. They’re best placed to answer for your specific Case.

My ex agreed to pay maintenance until both sons had finished full time education, so the end of university, the money went straight to them.
I assumed this was normal!

She's wrong. It stops at 20 - he'll need to get a job if he needs the money, like most students.

What does your husband think? He’s his son.

It stops when they turn 20 and when child benefit stops. She's having you on I'm afraid. Some people agree that they will pay for the entire duration of education but this needs to be agreed and your DH obviously never agreed to that. He needs to stop now and support his son directly

My exH paid only until the end of secondary education, so after sixth form college. Our 20 yo DS2 is still in college doing an HNC, but that’s a level 4 qualification, so he stopped paying a year ago. I wish he’d agreed up until end of full time education, ie degree or HND etc but he didn’t.

If your DSS is still doing a level 2 qualification (equivalent to GCSE) at age 20 I’d assume SEN and perhaps he’s not like other 20yo? Being a parent doesn’t end at 18 with a child with SN, IMO.

Full time education is school or college. Further education is university. Most maintenance stops once the child finishes full time education.

My ex decided the minute our son finished college he no longer needed to pay anything despite son not working and CMS stating payments carry on until the end of August.

Morally I can't understand why a father stops helping a child out once they have left education. I am not meaning they should carry on paying the mother, but at least help the child out. If the family were still together then they would still help the child, at least until they were on their feet financially.

My XH has decided to wait until they finish University after all he is their father and my home is their main residence. In fairness he hasn't put the maintenance over the years but I am not complaining.

I think your DH should pay some money directly to his DS, maybe pay for halls of residence or towards a flat share but at 20 not to his ex

Thank you for the speedy replies. There is no other agreement in place other than the actual CMS direction, so as far as that is concerned, it should stop now.

There is no SN that we've been made aware of.

My husband thinks it should have stopped years ago. He's an adult, and should support himself as such.

@geekone he still lives at home, with his mum and his grand-parents. His Mum has never left home.

My husband thinks it should have stopped years ago. He's an adult, and should support himself as such.

Your husband sounds delightful.

@IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory what is so surprising? Do adults not support themselves now?

Wow, you both sound lovely. What an awful attitude!

My dc still gets cms, they're not 20 until next year. To be honest, I was surprised that it continued after the annual review last year and this.

@JoyceJeffries, he is. If an adult wants monthly payments to support their life choices, they should get paid employment. I had been working 4 years by 20, and put myself through college, because it was my life choice and I didnt expect anyone to pay for me. These decisions shouldn't be made based on how much money you can get out of your parents.
However, despite my personal views, legally it seems we are no longer required to pay, which was my question.

Definitely stops at 20 - but what my dad did for my younger brother (not me, I'd just like to add!) is that when he started uni he paid it to him rather than to my mum, which I thought was fair enough as he was barely at home then, and having to pay his own rent and buy his own food etc.

In fact, my brother is now 24 and my dad STILL gives it to him, to help him try to "find his way in the world".. where I just had to be broke for a few years while trying to build my business up AND pay rent to my mum (which my brother also doesn't do as he still lives there). Not that I'm resentful at all.. there's always a golden child I guess!

I would think the right thing to do (not the legal thing) would be to keep contributing until the child has finished full time education. It's what we did, and had DSD gone to Uni we'd have carried on throughout that too.

Your "D"H sounds like a dick, why on earth are you with someone who doesn't love his own son?

Saying "support yourself" won't help a young adult who obviously isn't at the top end academically and hasn't yet found a job nor an apprenticeship scheme (which would be the ideal since he's not academic). Your "D"H should be helping his son to get into some type of career. That's said, any money should be gong to his son not his ex; his son can then choose to pay rent to the mother or elsewhere.

My husband thinks it should have stopped years ago. He's an adult, and should support himself as such

I don’t know why people have kids sometimes.

My DH’s parents help us out a lot because they want to. We’re in our 40s, far from struggling, but they are very comfortable and like to share it around.

IF you’re in a position to do so, why wouldn’t you help your children?

You both sound pretty nasty. I assume his son has picked up on the fact that you’re chomping at the bit to drop him and leave him to it. We can afford it, so we still pay for 21yr old DSS. He works and is at uni, but could use the money and we can afford it so would never stop it just because we’ve met the minimum legal requirement.

What a horrible attitude you have

@PopFan we would do what we can to support our children, but there has to come a point when they take responsibility and make their choices based on what they can and can't afford to do themselves. If we weren't here, what would they do then? We are raising our children to rely on themselves and be competent humans, knowing we are there for them, but people must learn to deal with life.