Child Maintenance: When does it stop

[1stTimeMama]

Wasn't sure where to post this, so please redirct me if needs be.

We pay CMS for my husbands son. He turned 20 in October, but is doing a level 2 BTEC at college. The CMS gave us an end date of the 1st October, but his Mum has been in touch today chasing her payments, and has said we are to pay until 1st November 2020.

As far as the internet tells me today, payments cease when the 'child' turns 20, regardless of if they're in education, and when they are no longer eligible for child benefit, also 20.

Could anyone please confirm where we now stand with payments please? We will of course call CMS as soon as possible, but we'd like some kind of answer sooner.

Why isn’t the Dad paying directly to the 20 year old son and the Mum working out with the son what extras he needs or what he owes her? The 20 year old needs to learn life skills around money rent etc?
My 16 year old at sixth form works?

I moved out when I was 18 and supported myself? It’s called being a grown up and learning how to look after yourself? My parents are separated and I’ve not expected either parent to maintain my adult choices? Obviously unless there is a SN that would be a different approach understandably.

If you two don’t pay the child support then that means his mum HAS TO support him. She can’t just cut him off and forget about him and she probably doesn’t want to

You’re not paying anyway, his dad is. His son will know exactly where he stands if he cuts support.

I couldn't understand why my ex stopped paying anything two months before DDs 18th. Now I see that people like OP thinks this is ok.

I can't stop looking after her

The law needs updating. Youngsters still in education SHOULD get a contribution from both parents. My DS is 20. His dad pays nothing. I pay his rent at uni and feed him etc when home, which is how I think it should be. Anything he earns also goes towards supporting himself. I think his dad is a selfish pig, TBH.

If he's just taking a comparatively easy GCSE course aged 20, he's either extremely low ability to the point of having SEN with or without a diagnosis - or he's been pissing around for the previous six years.

Either way, he doesn't sound particularly employable right now - could the BTEC be something like Building Trade qualifications? He can't legally get work without passing the Health and Safety course and getting the CSCS card - which is conditional upon taking a BTEC - so either he needs and, if she's supporting him, his mother needs, the money to get through the course so that he can get that job - or if he's finally getting around to sorting himself out, it would be good if that could be facilitated.

The danger is that, if you two separate in the future, that your husband will tell you that your two 'just need to get a job' and refuse to pay you any maintenance from whenever he decides. If you can't afford to support them entirely on your own at that point, do you pull them out of whatever course they were on and make them try to get a job? Because it's not their father's fault they aren't as able in some areas?

Am I the only 18 year old that actually worked part time and went to college/uni to pay my way?

Yes. You are literally the only person to ever have a part-time job as a teenager.

Why is 20 the cut-off, I wonder? Most children who go on to University would have at least another year to go at that point. What are they supposed to do? The expectation from the Government is that parents are to top up the shortfall between the maximum maintenance loan and what it actually costs to live away at Uni.

This utter bullshit is why children of separated parents are chronically disadvantaged in life

Yes, 100%

If you two don’t pay the child support then that means his mum HAS TO support him. She can’t just cut him off and forget about him

Someone needs to encourage this grown man to go out and get a job. As a parent it’s your job to encourage your grown children to start acting independently.

I don’t understand why grown children are treated like babies in this way. He does not need maintenance at 20!!!

And I have no step children so am not saying this in the position of an “evil step mum”.

@1stTimeMama

Sounds like it. So glad my children will be apart of this oh, so competent generation.

Why is 20 the cut-off, I wonder? Most children who go on to University would have at least another year to go at that point. What are they supposed to do?

Take out a student loan and get a part time job like we had to??

sorry that was in reply to @Croquembou

This utter bullshit is why children of separated parents are chronically disadvantaged in life

We’re not talking about children, we’re talking about a 20 year old.

He's a 20 year old man not a child. He's old enough to support himself.

@Fralla no student loans are reduced due to the parental contribution.
Op your attitude is appalling.

We are not vile. Peadophiles are vile, murderers are vile. We are parents who want our children to become competant adults and feel 20 is past an appropriate age where they should be working, at least part time, to fund any extras they may want. I didn't get hundreds of £'s pocket money a month, which is essentially what this is at this stage. My own children don't, and couldn't be given, the same amount of money each month to spend on what they want.

"My own children don't, and couldn't be given, the same amount of money each month to spend on what they want."

Ah, so this is the real reason.

What a load old rubbish some posters come out with. Twenty is more than old enough for payments to the mother to stop. Ideally at this point the nrp would contribute in other ways, contributing towards costs etc directly through the child / young adult. No parent needs to be paying the fees or rent of a student. That's what loans are for, if they need money to actually live on that's why students take part time and seasonal jobs. It really isn't suprising that so many young people simply cannot cope with life if their parents hamper them in seeking independence in their formative young adult years.

I presume that a lot of the people spouting bollocks about student loan contributions don't actually have children at University? It really isn't how it was years ago.

I presume that was aimed at me? Yes I am fully versed in current loan allocations thanks. Students can apply for full loans for fees and loans for accomodation. If the loan falls short of what is needed for living expenses as well (as mine did) a student needs to work to cover the shortfall. But yes, loans will give you a roof and pay your termly fees.

So when the CM payments stop you will still be giving something while your stepson is in education? Or are you expecting his mum to do this? Even with a part time job (and yes he should get one of these) there would still need to be some financial support surely?

If he is doing btec level 2 at 20 he is still in fte and dependant. Does he have any gcses? Does he have any learning difficulty or disability?

You’re of working age and don’t, why is it any different? At least he is in education.

My own children don't, and couldn't be given, the same amount of money each month to spend on what they want

So that’s the real reason then.