Child Maintenance: When does it stop

[1stTimeMama]

Wasn't sure where to post this, so please redirct me if needs be.

We pay CMS for my husbands son. He turned 20 in October, but is doing a level 2 BTEC at college. The CMS gave us an end date of the 1st October, but his Mum has been in touch today chasing her payments, and has said we are to pay until 1st November 2020.

As far as the internet tells me today, payments cease when the 'child' turns 20, regardless of if they're in education, and when they are no longer eligible for child benefit, also 20.

Could anyone please confirm where we now stand with payments please? We will of course call CMS as soon as possible, but we'd like some kind of answer sooner.

OP is getting some serious sick here, which I really don't think is warranted.

I actually think YANBU. At 20, he's no longer a child and as such, should be supporting himself. If he needs financial help, and he thinks it's appropriate, then he could always ask his father himself and they could have a grown up conversation about needs and wants. Personally I'd be horrified my Mum has to ask my Dad at that age.

Surely a 20 year old could have the necessary conversations. Jesus I was in my own home and had been working 4 years by the time I was that age and would only ask my parents for financial help if I was in dire need.

I think it sends a rather unpleasant message to your step son that you were only paying for him because you legally had to, rather than actually bring supportive of his choice to continue education.

Yes, when I was 20 I worked two afternoons a week, along side doing A levels. But that was do I had money to buy stuff I wanted, not my actual living expenses.

It's a real shame you feel this way, and can't keep the funding up until he's out of FT education, as his mother will still have to pay bills, and him getting a oart time job with lots of hours to try and make up the difference is likely to affect his grades.

It absolutely is vile- children growing up in single parent households are statistically much more likely to do less well in life than those that don’t- this is already demonstrated by the fact that he is long term unemployed and not where he should be academically. Take some flipping accountability. There are clearly issues in the home in which he has been growing up and you are now saying you don’t want to pay any extra money to ensure he has enough. Wise up. Of course he should have a job but that doesn’t mean your husband can just opt out when he has clearly not been father of the year up until now.

Surely a 20 year old could have the necessary conversations

Maybe he wants to but fear his dads new wife will stick her beak.

Surely a 20 year old could have the necessary conversations. Jesus I was in my own home and had been working 4 years by the time I was that age and would only ask my parents for financial help if I was in dire need.

Yes but life and expectations have changed since we were kids. Life is much more competitive, more people have qualifications now, and the expectation is parents will support their children until out of ft education (that is how student loans are calculated). Parents that then don't do this disadvantage their child.

surely a 20 year old could have the necessary conversations

OP + DH don't even know of SN are involved as they haven't been made aware. Doesn't sound like that dad has contact with his DS and now wants to wash all responsibility off him by pulling also the financial support.

TBH, you’re talking about an extra months payment which isn’t so big an issue that it should lead to drama between you all. It needs to be a conversation between your DH and his ex; their son, their battle. Nothing to do with you unless him paying the extra month is taking food from yours and your DCs mouths.

Perhaps, if he is not yet earning his own keep, he could move in with you?

After all, it’s not really fair to expect his mum to keep supporting/housing him If his dad is willing to contribute too?

It’s much harder for young adults to leave home these days, the cost of housing is so much higher than it was in our day and under 25s are entitled to any help.

The right thing to do at the end of CMS would be to renegotiate based on the current situation.
Parents remain parents for life.

*are not entitled (obviously).

TBH, you’re talking about an extra months payment

November 2020 is another year away

@Livelovebehappy it's for an extra year, not an extra month

CMS stops at end of secondary education or 20th birthday, whichever happens soonest. However the child can bring a claim for maintenance under the Children Act and is likely to be awarded it.
Most parents will agree a level of support with the child in higher education. that applies to resident and absent parents.

I didn't get hundreds of £'s pocket money a month, which is essentially what this is at this stage.

It’s hardly pocket money- his mum is feeding, housing and clothing him, covering his election/gas and transport costs, everything he needs for his course. As it stands he can’t cover those bills himself so of course your DH (his parent!) should contribute towards them!

electric

No I don’t believe you are counting the days until your husband stops contributing to his sons life out of the goodness of your hearts and it’s all in his best interests at all.
If he is in education why shouldn’t his dad support him?
Of course the Mother is going to have to pick up the slack.
You knew when you married him he was already a father, how absolutely disgusting to be waiting for the cutoff so eagerly and covering it up with the pretence it’s for his own good.

When I was at uni I worked 3 part time jobs. That doesn’t mean I want the same for my children.
Can’t say it did me any good... just made the whole thing more stressful and knackering so if I can help my kids I will as much as I can until they are self sufficient.

I feel very sorry for this child. DF needed to know so urgently when he could stop paying he couldn't wait til Monday to find out.....

A child is for life not just for Christmas

I hope that you don't have any children with this selfish dickhead.

Although DSS is 20 as his birthday is at the beginning of the academic year he is effectively in the same position as 19 year olds in the same year group. Presumably this is his last year of free state education. He will not be able to get a student loan for this course and while he could get a part time job to help out he is still going to need supporting financially until he completes the BTEC qualification . Then he can get a job or apply for student loan for uni for next September? This is my perception of the situation anyway.and I would certainly want to keep helping .

Everyone talking about loans. This guy is doing a GCSE level course. It won’t qualify him for grants or student loans.

I can't believe the rules even require payment up to the age of 20. Good grief, is called Child Maintenance not adult maintenance!

That is to say, as a parent I would financially support the lad and give him money, but into his hands.

Yeah, this 20 yo lad is doing a level 2 BTEC. It’s worth 5 GCSEs. Those that take this sort of course are usually 16-18 yo with very few GCSEs, if any. For a 20 yo to be doing it means he’s either missed an awful lot of school, like 2-3 years, or he’s got SEN.

He’s not going to be going to university, he may well struggle to get a decent job.

Ps my kids student loans were reduced by half due to their dad's income (he moved out after the assessment was done) but even the full loan doesn't pay for everything, my dd2 has 32 contact hours a week plus private study ... tell me when she's meant to work? ( the other is autistic and can't work)

That’s a really good idea from DuMonde. OP would you consider housing and feeding him then? And if you did would you expect a contribution from his mother?