To wonder if other single women have this problem?

[SapphireSeptember]

Or is it just me? Every time I say I'm going anywhere (gigs, on holiday, to LARP events, even shopping in the nearest big city) I have people say 'maybe you'll find a man!' I don't want a man, I'm perfectly happy on my own. I find it extra annoying when I'm going somewhere with a friend. Cos I'm totally going to ditch my friend for some random guy, aren't I? (The answer to that is a big fat 'hell no!')

Please tell me I'm not alone? I've been single for just over a year (after a 12 year relationship) and the idea of getting into another relationship fills me with dread.

better to be single than in an abusive/coercive relationship! But I have been told I'll find a man and it's not even 4 months since I ditched my partner, of 7 years (on and off)....and I'm 60!!!!

Yes, it is annoying. My mum and other members of the family were completely obsessed with me going out and doing things to find a man, when I was single for two years.

Mum always seemed really concerned about why I was single - I didn't mind!!

Then I met the guy I'm with now - and have been with for just over two years - at a hobby I've always done, that they insisted would "never help me meet a man". Well..

I never get this. I must be so incredibly ugly that everyone finds it normal that I'm single.
I go on holiday alone and it has never blown anyone's mind.

If somebody good enough was interested I wouldn't be single. But the calibre of man interested in me, good grief. I'll stay single!

I am a little bit insulted that nobody ever suggests I might meet somebody, it is just taken as red that this will NEVER happen now!

I went to a school reunion recently (30 years) and a friend who went said ''I should be able for this, I'm married, I have a big house'' etc whereas I was thinking ''I should be able for this, i am brave enough to do everything on my own and that's what I always do'' so, we have such very different ways of looking at relationship status. I realise now we both take our relationship status as a ''badge'' of honour!! She went in to the reunion taking status from being married and I took it from being single Our paths have diverged a lot.

I have a number of single friends, and a single DD - and do you know something? I often envy them their lives!

Single doesn't have to mean lonely, and it certainly doesn't mean that you should be an object of pity.

Single means peace and quiet, having your own space, not having to consider another person when you want to do something, not having someone else's cup all over the house (my crap doesn't bother me - DH's drives me crackers! - talk about double standards ). It means you can do what the hell you want, and not be selfish.

I've got a lovely DH - I honestly couldn't get a better, but if I had my time over again, I wouldn't marry him, much as I love him. I wouldn't marry anyone because in the same way that some pooches are more suited to be "only dogs", I would be more suited to be "only me".

I would still spend time with him, occasionally shag him senseless etc - but I wouldn't live with ANYBODY. I'm just someone who needs space - I didn't realise how much until I didn't have it - and for the good of ALL concerned, I'd live on my own.

I was going to say "ou need the menopausal cloak of invisibility (registered TM)" Sapphire, but I see that deedee still gets loads of this. I used to get loads of "oh, you'll meet someone soon," then I turned 50 and people stopped saying it.

I'm somewhere in the middle vis-a-vis my single status. I've probably spent about twice as much time out of my adult life single as I have in relationships (in fact it might even split 3:1, I haven't actually counted up). I tootle along quite nicely in my single state. I do quite like relationships, and like sex, but when I think of all the things I've done in life that have made me happy/given me a sense of achievement, almost all of them have been done while single. I am glad I managed to have a child though - I think that's the one thing I'd have been really unhappy about not having done.

@Gwenhwyfar, no, me too, it surprises nobody that I'm single. I'm at least ''averagely'' attractive and I only mention that because I know that's what men/society thinks when assessing whether or not it is surprising that a woman is single.

I never get this. I must be so incredibly ugly that everyone finds it normal that I'm single.

Gwen - maybe you are so lovely and lovable that everyone assumes that you've chosen your single life? I have a friend like this and I have always just assumed that her past is littered with broken-hearted men.

She has loads of friends, a lot of hobbies, both solitary and social and her life is great - especially now she has retired.

Totally agree with you. I work with a lovely single lady who is very happy. There is another woman in the office who constantly goes on at her to find a man. This other woman's husband is certainly no catch but she is the type that can't be on her own. You know the type, internet dating a week after splitting up with a boyfriend. It's patronising and I spend a lot of the time biting my lip. I have been both married and on my own for a time when divorced. I met a lovely man but would never have "settled" like lots of people do and was perfectly happy being single.

I’m currently sat waiting for a film to start, 20 + mins to go btw, I got here nice and unhurried, but I’m on my own. I’m single and I LOVE going to things on my own- cinema, theatre, musical events, lectures, exhibitions... so tired of people assuming it’s Hobsons choice. I prefer it, it’s very liberating. I’m happy to go on dates, if I like the look of the person who’s asked me, but I’ll never give this up, breezing out to the opera on last minute tickets. It’s such bliss. I do wish people would stop interfering and offer to accompany me. It’s odd, it’s ok to travel alone, shop, go to the dentist- but not go to pursue my ( admittedly sometimes a bit niche) love of the arts. I’m perfectly capable of leaving the house alone, without a chaperone.

Similar to me actually. People assume I am single and can only think it's because they see me as very ugly

Forgot to say- I don’t feel in need of another half, conjoined twin person whatever. Can’t see my wanting that any time soon. I’m open to going for a drink with someone, just not them encroaching on my life. Sounds selfish I suppose, but I like it ha

YANBU.

I get: 'Are you sure you want to do these things on your own?'

My single male friends NEVER get asked this question.

This happens to me all the time too. And I agree it’s annoying. I think often it says more about the other person; e.g. they can’t fathom being alone so assume it’s not through choice.

I’m single and to be honest am desperately lonely and wish I had a partner most of the time. It really really gets me down. I’m really unattractive though and men are never interested so I guess that’s that. However, the huge expectations from society for women to be in a couple doesn’t help at all and just adds to the pressure that I already massively put on my self. Going to a wedding with no partner for example and feeling hugely self conscious and anxious and some ‘hilarious’ uncle will go ‘oh, so you still haven’t found a man then?’

So even though I admit I do want a man and am extremely lonely, I think it’s actually lovely that there are so many single by choice and truly happy single women out there!

Yeah I used to get it a lot when I was younger. Not so much now I'm ancient at 47 and invisible. What I do get now though is "ooooh aren't you BRAVE!!" whenever I say I'm going somewhere alone, especially if it's outside a 20 mile radius of home

Ha ha - I find this too

You are not alone, Sapphire. Many women appreciate their single status, one may come to realise she loves her life and that there is much that single people can enjoy - including going home alone, being able to please herself at home and liking the quiet times.

Doesn't mean she won't meet someone and fall head over heels one day but she won't be actively seeking that.

I've been single 10 years now and I'm 36.

I'm single by choice and even I found a man I liked, I wouldnt want to live with him though, dates and sex would be all I wanted.

I hear you op..im single, no kids 48 straight..still get ALL the frankly irritating nosy, downright rude insulting comnents esp due to my childless status, as if this makes me an undateble cruella deville character!! Im obviously selfish, too choosy, im really into keeping fit biking swimming, not a drinker so bodyworks still ok ish, but this must make me boring and high maintenance. Oh and the holidaying alone...Blew their tiny minds!! esp as i "didn't meet anyone" so i couldn't of possibly enjoyed myself. Its a bit sad really....ignore it and enjoy YOUR LIFE!!

People are generally uncomfortable with anyone different to the "norm" a DH and 2.4 kids ! Many people are probably jealous of the freedom single women have ,and feel hemmed in by their own less than perfect relationships! Thinking of Bridget Jones and the awful "smug marrieds "!

No I don't get this at all any more. You've just not been happily single long enough op. I think I was maybe 3 or 4 years into being single, and happy, by choice before my friends and family came to realise that I was in actual fact happy alone. Mumsnet is actually great for reminding you that being single is bloody wonderful. Thread after thread about shit partners, drama and compromise. The 10000 'i don't want to spend Christmas at the in-laws' threads have started already. I'll be spending this Christmas, like every other one doing exactly as I please .

Ice and a slice "people must assume Im single as they see me as very ugly" What so only beautiful people get married?! I am quite sure you are not seen as ugly at all ,and beauty is supposed to be skin deep isnt it ? Have a good time and do not care what anyone thinks !

Whenever people find out I’m single they say “but why? You’re so nice!” As if my single status is due to others rejecting me rather than me rejecting them (or preferring to be without a man).

So this!!! I'm having a baby on my own now (after a string of shit relationships and a brief, awful marriage) and honestly I don't want another relationship. Maybe a few FWB here or there but like hell do I ever want to live with another man.

People just don't get it. It's like the very existence of you as a happy single woman is too challenging to societal norms/their own life choices.

I once saw the best response for the question "why aren't you married/in a relationship" - "Just lucky I guess"!

Single, no kids, never co-habited or married - that's me. I can list on one hand the amount of times I've wished for a bloke in my life:

• putting something heavy in the car at Ikea
• someone to run me to the station when it's raining (it's fairly close and too short a fare for a taxi
• that's it. Everything else I can do on my own. I'm doing GCSE biology because I am thinking of a career change and need a science. And it's dead interesting! Embryonic stem cells anyone? I travel on my own because then I don't need to compromise. Everest base camp, cycling through the Alps, or a week on a beach? That's for me. My life, at 47, is just how I like it, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

And so it goes on... only today I was having a conversation with a colleague who said something along the lines of 'and your partner if you're lucky enough to have one' I wish I'd been quick enough to fire back 'unfortunate enough, to my mind, in a lot of cases, but hey, no judgement'
What I really don't want is another narcissist having been married to one in my twenties. But there seems to be so many of them! I can't understand why anyone would want to be married to them, when there's no love there and never will be