To ask how many hours your DP spends playing videos games

[Cchick]

Just what the title says really.

My partner spends maybe 15-20 hours a week on average (sometimes he can spend 12 full hours!) and I was wondering how many your partners spend. I mean he's playing the games with other people, so is this normal in other households too?

FYI, we don't have any children yet and we aren't married yet. I'm just very worried that if we do marry and have kids, the family would come second to gaming. Everyone says to look out for red flags and I'm wondering if this is one?

Long story short, how many hours do your partners spend gaming and has it reduced since marrying and having children?

TIA!

none. I didn't marry a child after all.

The decent games are 18 rated. As in, not for children. Get a grip.

I'm intrigued. What games are all you gamers playing? I used to game until maybe 10 years ago. I loved Sims!

@Cchick it doesn’t really matter what the hobby is then, your expectations of ‘us’ time don’t line up. I’m quite happy to spend evenings doing different things in the same room - usually me reading and him gaming if we’re not doing a joint thing. If you’re not ok with that, that’s also fine. As PP have said, it’s really about him spending too much time doing ANYTHING that’s taking over his life. Avoiding dating gamers won’t make any difference if you decide to separate, obsessive hobbying isn’t exclusive to gaming.

He plays Doom if I'm in the bath or at work, but it comes second to me and other responsibilities

It's not the hobby, it's the amount of time. If he was cycling, running, playing golf, building a model train set: 10-15 hours a week would be too much.

Bertie The funny thing I'm actually not a clingy person! I don't expect every evening at all. But I also don't expect to feel lonely or an 'extra' in a relationship, if that makes sense? We did previously agree on something like what you suggest - it didn't last even a week and I didn't want to nag.

The more I write, the more I realise we are just incompatible.

OP you have bigger problems in your relationship than video games.

None - he doesn’t have time. Full time job, home, family and his hobbies are running, golf and skiing.

20 hours a week, and I probably play 10 as I like to watch a bit of shit TV. Its always when our son is asleep though. I'm a bit O_o at the 'no he's a grown up' comments...

...

I find men who 'game' very unattractive

2-3 hours at the weekend (FIFA) and a game in the evening whilst he's on the phone to his nan who he calls every day. I'm happy with this, we sit together on the sofa and enjoy reading on going on mn whilst he does this.

Before children, probably a similar amount to that, but he was always happy to go out for a walk / to the pub / watch a film so it was never an issue. It’s reduced loads since having kids, he just plays in the evenings when they’re asleep unless we’re watching a film. He’s an excellent dad and husband. I don’t get why some on MN are so negative about gaming, I’d hate it if he was down the football or something - instead he’s in the house, we’re in the same room and chat while we we’re doing our own thing and can always hit pause if one of the children wakes up.

A 59yr old gamer here,i swim, walk, read, crochet and love going to the theatre. Being a gamer doesn't preclude living a normal family life, I have 2 DDs whom I have never neglected . Just celebrated 38yrs married. Oh and BTW I'm an adult.

DH and I game about 10 hours a week each. Some of this is gaming with the DC.

Ostrich - you are right - it is an isolating activity.

And I know it's the obsessiveness of it thats the problem, but the experience has just left a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to gaming ha!

He's not really there with you, is he? He seems to be living life as a single man with you on hold somewhere.

You've expressed your concerns, he's listened, agreed, cut down and then gone straight back to it. You are a poor second, or third if you count the gym.

If you like living alone, he's your man. If not...

None he is not remotely interested and not techie .

None. I don't know any men that do over the age of 18.

None. I, on the other hand, could play a couple of hours a night if I’ve got a new game or am really into something.

I pretty much stopped gaming entirely between having my first and recently though because there just wasn’t the time. I never play when they’re awake either and they’re 4 and 6 now.

As a 35 year old woman who games but also owns and runs a business and manages to have two children, I did have a giggle at the users who said no because they didn’t marry a child.

About 10 mins before bed at night whilst I'm showering, then he plays with the kitten to settle him for the night.

The problem isn't the gaming OP. Any hobby done at the expense of a relationship/family life ends up with the neglected one feeling miserable. It does t sound as if you're compatible.

I don't really understand the hmm attitude towards gaming. It's no more of a waste of time than watching a film or whatever.

Indeed, I wonder how many of the sniffy folks are sitting on Mumsnet ignoring their blokes

Love a good session me, but it's no good unless you get the house to yourself first.

Zero

Mine used to play a similar amount and since we’ve had kids he hardly ever does

Most of the three hours a day DC1 is at preschool while feeding DC2. Way less than I’d play beforeDC when I’d pull all nighters!