To ask how many hours your DP spends playing videos games

[Cchick]

Just what the title says really.

My partner spends maybe 15-20 hours a week on average (sometimes he can spend 12 full hours!) and I was wondering how many your partners spend. I mean he's playing the games with other people, so is this normal in other households too?

FYI, we don't have any children yet and we aren't married yet. I'm just very worried that if we do marry and have kids, the family would come second to gaming. Everyone says to look out for red flags and I'm wondering if this is one?

Long story short, how many hours do your partners spend gaming and has it reduced since marrying and having children?

TIA!

@NorthernSpirit
So if you play games you cannot be an adult?

Your very narrow minded aren't you

I don't understand all the 'None. He's an adult ' comments.

My DP is an amazing dad and works bloody hard. He comes home and spends time with our DS, and then once DS is in bed he spends 2-3 hours gaming. Maybe not every night, but most nights unless we decide to cuddle and watch a film.

Why are people so judgemental when it comes to gaming?

For Christ's sake. If your partner spends so much time on ANY hobby that it interferes with their life, that is a bad thing.

How much time are the sneery "nOnE hEs An AdUlT" arseholes wasting on MN? I have two jobs, am a full time student in my third year, am in a relationship, regularly spend time with friends and family, and I'm playing my Nintendo Switch right now!! What part of that doesn't make me an adult, oh wise mature ones?

Eye-opening!
I get that gaming can be a hobby like any other, but for those of you whose partners spend hours every week doing it, don't you worry about them being so sedantry (unless they have a very active job)?

Zero

I get that gaming can be a hobby like any other, but for those of you whose partners spend hours every week doing it, don't you worry about them being so sedantry

I didn’t. He used to often jog to work. Would sometimes go for a run if he had to travel to work another way, visited the gym in his lunch hour in his office building.

My DH is an avid gamer, loves everything from retro to VR. His gaming time fluctuates, and it’s definitely gone down since having a child. If he’s gaming a lot during the week now, he’ll maybe spend 1-2 hours per evening, with 3-5 hours on the weekend. Some weeks he doesn’t game at all. This is nothing compared to what he did before we had a child, where whole weekends could be lost to it, and he’d take annual leave if a game he was really into was being released. That would never happen now, and only you know if you could trust your partner to deprioritise gaming, but I thought it was worth mentioning as it highlights that it is possible to go from constant playing to not - without any nagging or ‘difficult conversations’ involved, as obviously time on hobbies have to change. I can’t spend all weekend and evenings reading anymore, either.

Posters with the ‘games are for kids’ attitude are ridiculous and boorish. Games are on equal footing with TV, film, literature, even art in some cases. Not every game is Fortnite or FIFA, just as not every book is Ulysses

Depending on the games he's playing an hour probably isn't long enough to get into it of an evening. Most games in order to have a decent session you need at least 2 hours or more likely 3-4. Particularly if you're playing with a group and you've got to wait for people to get assembled, turn up, start the thing and then it might go on for longer than you've realised etc. An hour isn't very long - you wouldn't go out with your friends to drink for the evening and expect it only to take an hour.

Maybe you could negotiate more that a certain number of evenings a week can be solely dedicated to gaming, but other evenings are designated as couple time or time for you to go out together? But it does sound like you're expecting to spend the evenings fully/mainly together which might not be compatible with his gaming habit. Would it work for you to have some designated "game evenings" and some designated "couple evenings" or would you want every evening to be couple time? I think this is just something which is different for different people but it's not unreasonable to want something different.

My husband none (doesn't game), but his brother was a big gamer and has basically stopped since starting a family, but then he's a fantastically loyal and supportive husband and father who takes is responsibilities very seriously. He organises the odd gaming weekend with his mates, but literally less than once a year - his kids come first. Not everyone is like this. Have you talked to him about it?

@SwampOfDeath I game most days. I was a semi professional rugby player for a few years, I work out for around 45 minutes a day and I have done iron mans.

Someone who watches soaps would spend more time sat staring at a tv screen compared to me.

@ SwampOfDeath would you ask the same about reading? Drawing? Writing or are those ok as they are more ‘respectable’ hobbies? 2-3 hours a day is ok in my view. It’s not like most people do much moving around while watching tv

None. He’s a grownup.

It’s not right that you’re eating, sleeping and watching TV by yourself because he’s playing games.

I wouldn’t have children with a man child.

Haha Bless. You'll only be doing those things alone if the person is addicted to gaming and frankly doesn't give a shit about you or family life.

Nothing childish about killing a bit of time on a game. It's no different to browsing mumsnet, or spending 2 hours watching a film.

Um, no, I don't worry about him being sedentary.

Most people in this country come home from work, have tea and sit in front of the TV for 3 hours and then go to bed.

I don't think it's any different to sit in front of a computer for those 3 hours instead.

Can someone please explain the adult comments?
So 18+ games are designed for children are they?
And by the same token my dd enjoys riding her bike so does that mean I can't ride mine as it's 'for kids'. And playing football?
I don't understand lots of people's hobbies but I wouldn't make snide comments about someone who chooses to crochet or play bingo in their spare time!

For what it's worth op I think if the gaming, like any other hobby, takes over and ruins life it's time for it to stop. Dh use to game a lot before dd was born but still only ever in 'free' time.
Now he only plays when dd is asleep and the chores are done. He doesn't watch tv, films or read so other than running it's his way of filling his spare time when I'm at the gym etc or doing my own thing.

The "Zero. He's a grown-up." comments are ridiculous. Because gaming is SO much less mature than say watching hours and hours of football whilst getting drunk, or watching box sets, or watching movies, or adult colouring in. Get a grip, it's a hobby!

That said, no-one's hobby should be stopping them spending decent time with their other half!!

I have nothing against gaming in itself (though it has to be said that, if this relationship doesn't work, I don't think I'll ever date a man that games).

The problem is I have tried to discuss this with him. We made progress and then I was blindsided and here we are again (I can't say too much as this will definitely out me!).

He seems to think that he can give me a peck during his 2 second break when he restarts the game and that will count as "us time". At some point I've wondered if I'm asking for too much but I really don't think I am.

I want to be with someone who PREFERS to spend time with me (not all the time ofcourse, that's understandable), not just when we've planned it in advance.

8 but it's an iPad game so done in front of the telly of an evening or whatever. I knit or chat online or whatever too. He's actually pretty good at the game he plays.

Laughing at "he's a grown up". I'm a grown up too but still enjoy games FFS.

none. I didn't marry a child after all.

you wouldn't go out with your friends to drink for the evening and expect it only to take an hour.

No I wouldn't, but I wouldn't go out with my friends every day of the week either.

Oh and mines works hard, very hands on Dad, does family stuff with us, is a successful professional and earns about three times what I do.

None

He does play scrabble on his iPad

We are old enough to have missed this really...

he does have other annoying habits

Cchick, I'd be concerned too. I think I'd find that difficult if I were you, sounds like you don't see much of each other at all.

My dh doesn't game at all. Our kids are young- 18 months and four years. It's hard work and it would not work at all for me if my dh gamed such a huge amount of hours. His comparable is reading and now he only does that on his commute or after we're all in bed. With young kids, it's all fire fighting a lot of the time, the only time we get together is after they are in bed asleep and last chores of the day are done. It's really important to me then that we do something together and we're usually knackered so that means watching something we both like on Netflix or tv -usually a documentary that is our middle ground, I will watch any old shite, he is fussy, but that's a whole other thread

Anyway, for pps it seems the commom thread for when the dh/dp games lots and it works is when the partner/wife does too. If not surely it's just going to be isolating for the other person. Sounds like that's the case for you.

Have you tried talking to him about it? Maybe it would change post kids but I'd be more concerned now with how strong your relationship is now and how well you really know him, if you see so little of each other.

none. I didn't marry a child after all

Seems your spouse did though...

Its not really comparable to watching movies. Movies are finite and can be watched together. Games are seemingly endless and from my experience are played solo - albeit with others not in the house