To ask how many hours your DP spends playing videos games

[Cchick]

Just what the title says really.

My partner spends maybe 15-20 hours a week on average (sometimes he can spend 12 full hours!) and I was wondering how many your partners spend. I mean he's playing the games with other people, so is this normal in other households too?

FYI, we don't have any children yet and we aren't married yet. I'm just very worried that if we do marry and have kids, the family would come second to gaming. Everyone says to look out for red flags and I'm wondering if this is one?

Long story short, how many hours do your partners spend gaming and has it reduced since marrying and having children?

TIA!

I can’t believe there’s 400+ posts and only a handful who’ve actually engaged with the op about what she’s worried about.

He games a lot.
He doesn’t prioritise spending time with her.
She’s asked him to cut down and he’s not sticking to it.
She feels lonely and is considering ending the relationship.

Yet the thread is full of people boasting how much they or their dps play/don’t play.

@Cchick I had an ex exactly like this. Even when we lived together he would prioritise gaming over anything else. It was lonely. And he monopolised our only TV back in the day when Netflix didn’t even exist! I completely lost my self esteem as he was so dismissive about the effect it had on me, and me feeling like I wasn’t worth spending time with. Luckily, I dumped him. Op, him not spending time with you is a reflection on him, not you. If you leave him, you could find someone who enjoys spending time with you, who gets excited about spending time with you. That’s what you deserve! Do you feel you’re at that stage where you could leave?
And

danmthatonestakentryanotheer

Keelah se'lai to you, you bosh'tet

30, female, 8.5 stone, work, two volunteering jobs, uni education and - regular gamer.

Maybe I am still a child a heart, but better to have a hobby that installs a sense of wonder - Than be a bitter, moaning mini whom, with no idea wtf they are talking about, slate people with a hobby they actually don't know anything about.

None, I couldn’t be with a man who spent hours on a game.

@Pinkbonbon do you have children?

do you have children?

I have 2 and game. Dont really get the connection.

utterlyPerfectCartoonGiraffe

Can you believe posters are answering the thread title? Amazing isn't it!

UtterlyPerfectCartoonGiraffe

Gaming is a red herring. He has no ability to self regulate his gaming. That's where the issue is.

Cchick I'd take time to think about what you want. Will he get help or thinks he doesnt have an issue? You dont have to accept it.

I game, but I know when to turn it off. He doesnt.

@Anotherlongdrive Because when you have children it's more appropriate to spend hours watching TV instead once they're in bed. Duh.

Unfortunately DD has already been earmarked as 'player three' when she's old enough

But it really depends on your priorities. I know runners who spend hours plotting running trails, run as part of clubs so 'must' go come hell or high water..

Oh shit @Anotherlongdrive - are you spying on me and my DH?!

are you spying on me and my DH?!

Unlikely. If you are runners I couldnt keep up! This really impacts my ability to spy on runners 😂😂

I kick box. So fit.....but not good as long distance runner.

Because when you have children it's more appropriate to spend hours watching TV instead once they're in bed. Duh.

Ah yes I forgot.

NoNe BeCaUsE hE's A gRoWn Up

(Wow I can't believe that 18 pages in people are still posting this haughty shite like it makes them soooooo superior. Wait. Yes I can.)

People with an aibu habit sticking it to childish gamers

easyandy101

Lol 🤣🤣

I would agree that the issue here isn't gaming, it's lazy sod men who don't want to spend time with their families.

It’s completely fine to have a hobby. What’s not fine is doing zero housework and childcare (meaning your wife how works full time is doing 100%), zero quality time with with you wife or your daughter.

The other problem I have with gaming is that it’s so loud. We have a tiny house with an open plan downstairs. DH wears a headset with the tv turned up loud whilst shouting commands at the other people on his team. No one else can do anything in the house as even if you go upstairs and shut the door you can still heat him (and this is after bedtime) . I would rather he played golf or pissed off down the pub as at least then I would have some peace and quiet.

At least 44 hours a week, because it's his job.

Outside of that, maybe another 15? It's his main hobby.

He'd rather play games than watch TV. I'd rather read than watch TV. It all works out, but no-one ever accuses me of spending too much time reading. People are weird about games but it's just storytelling in another form.

I agree @Littlemissdaredevil I hate the headset/yelling thing. I’m quite an antisocial gamer - meaning I prefer games I can play as a single player and only do multiplayer with people who are actually in the living room with me! I keep headphones in when gaming at night so there’s no noise and I don’t feel the need to scream at the TV when I get a bit wrong... my DBro however used to do (and probably still does) all the things you have mentioned.

He’s single and likes it that way so at least he’s not imposing his annoying habits on anybody else.

Trewser But not actually listening to what the op’s asking! Weird, isn’t it!!

I'm a big fan of survival horror. Resident Evil 7 and Silent Hill P.T install more dread and fear in me than the best of horror films - It, for example, was excellent but there is nothing like being right in the action.
I play games like this very rarely now though because it really does distort the real world for me. I stick to simple games like big fish style games/escape games on android which are far less immersive. That's because I have a DD and she is far more important. I may well to back to it as a pensioner, so much for being for kids!
I do believe I may be a little on the spectrum though so maybe that has something to do with my love of games.

I'm not going to call OP's partner a child as everyone needs a hobby. However that many hours would be a deal breaker for me. DH usually games for an hour a day and it's more than enough for me.

OH will probably be playing his game for the majority of the day...we have done everything we need to do today. It's just the 2 of us here so it's fine, nothing and no-one is being neglected by our choice to spend the day on 2 pc's playing our games. Given that the weather is so awful (it's blowing a storm out there and the rain is horizontal), it is a great way to spend the day....as long as the wi-fi and electric hold out.

Hey OP, my ex used to spend all his free time gaming. To begin with it was just a hobby he enjoyed and he had a group of friends he played online with once a week but it became more and more time consuming as our relationship went on.

He would have 2 nights a week dedicated to playing with different groups of friends, and then would be playing all of the rest of the time to practice, and it was an online game that couldn't be paused so if I wanted to talk to him or do something with him I'd have to wait until it finished.

We never went to bed at the same time as he would stay up late playing. If he wasn't playing, he was watching videos of other people playing and world championships etc.

We were engaged and I was very concerned he'd never devote the time to children that was needed as he was too busy with gaming and this was definitely a contributing factor to why I ended the relationship.

I guess I sometimes felt like I came second to the gaming, and if it wasn't me coming second then our flat together, our pets etc definitely were.

If your gut is telling you something isn't right about it, I'd say follow that.

About 5 a month, if his mate comes round

He just doesn't have the time. Leave at 7am back at 8pm, tea, spend time with me, watch a tv series or read for an hour and then bed. Weekends we do things out of the house