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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many hours your DP spends playing videos games

470 replies

Cchick · 01/11/2019 19:21

Just what the title says really.

My partner spends maybe 15-20 hours a week on average (sometimes he can spend 12 full hours!) and I was wondering how many your partners spend. I mean he's playing the games with other people, so is this normal in other households too?

FYI, we don't have any children yet and we aren't married yet. I'm just very worried that if we do marry and have kids, the family would come second to gaming. Everyone says to look out for red flags and I'm wondering if this is one?

Long story short, how many hours do your partners spend gaming and has it reduced since marrying and having children?

TIA!

OP posts:
amusedbush · 01/11/2019 20:46

He plays a couple of games of Fifa every night (so 30ish minutes?) and some nights he will play a couple of hours of Red Dead 2/Call of Duty or something. We both play Fortnite Grin

I don’t care. I’m usually scrolling through social media reading Proust anyway so I let him get on with it. To be honest I don’t give it any thought! We don’t have kids so some nights we sit together and watch something, others we potter about doing our own things.

amusedbush · 01/11/2019 20:46

Whoops, strikethrough fail 🙈

Vampyress · 01/11/2019 20:51

I met my hubby of 12 years on World of Warcraft lol. We have a 2 and a 1 year old and he still games but only in evenings and never in favour of me. I'm currently playing Stardew valley on my switch when kids go bed or some crafts or adult colouring books. We just treat it as a hobby and enjoy more or less time depending on how easily the kids go to sleep. We always eat together and watch at least 1 episode of a series every evening before having "us time".

BarbedBloom · 01/11/2019 20:53

2 to 3 hours a night, bit more at the weekend. He works hard, does more than his fair share around the house and we don't have children. He is happy to come off if I need anything or we want to go out and I sit there reading anyway. I also quite like a game myself sometimes.

I think the problem comes when, like any hobby, it interferes with family or day to day life.

Heldupwithscaffolding · 01/11/2019 20:53

Littlemissdaredevil appalling behaviour from your DH and this is also the danger for OP

OctoberLovers · 01/11/2019 20:55

Zero.

Thank god.

Would hate it

Original poster
Cchick · 01/11/2019 20:56

Bertie You are absolutely right. And deep down I know this. Just hard to throw away 5 years and I guess I was hoping everyone would tell me its gets better and I could look past it. I can't. I really think the damage has been done (I may sound dramatic, but there's a lot more to it that I don't want to say for fear of outing myself or making myself cry tbh). And I think I know that as long as its in his life, I can't be with him.

As hard as this is to say, my DP is perfect as he is. Just not for me. And that's OK! Hurts, but ok!

Now what

OP posts:
RealMermaid · 01/11/2019 20:56

10-15 maybe? But it doesn't feel like separate activity because I have other hobbies like crafting, so I will sit with him while he plays the game and get on with some craft and we're both happy, I quite enjoy some of the story lines etc :)

GhooOOoultheCat · 01/11/2019 20:57

I don't find DP gaming particularly isolating. He sits on the sofa playing whilst I'm browsing online (MN mainlyGrin) or reading a book next to him. We have nights out and days out as a family. With how hard he works, he deserves to chill out.

I know that gaming comes second to everything else. I'm not going to begrudge him a couple of hours.

SlightlyStaleCocoPops · 01/11/2019 20:57

"None. He's an adult not a teenage kid."

Yawn. These posts are so tedious.

Isadora2007 · 01/11/2019 20:58

0 unless ds(7) has asked him to play fifa with him etc. Never on his own. Thankfully

Original poster
Cchick · 01/11/2019 20:58

Daredevil I hope he has improved?!

That is my nightmare and something I'm trying to avoid. I feel its easier to walk away now than once we are married with a house and kids.

OP posts:
otterturk · 01/11/2019 20:59

Maybe two hours once a year when he goes home and there's football manager. Because he's not a teenager.

I have no idea why people put up with this from grown men with families.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 01/11/2019 20:59

None. He spends maybe 3 hours a week cycling and a couple watching football though

SlightlyStaleCocoPops · 01/11/2019 21:03

"Maybe two hours once a year when he goes home and there's football manager. Because he's not a teenager."

Lol "two hours" on football manager, is that what he's telling you??

GreySheep · 01/11/2019 21:03

Zero. Apart from an odd free App Store game on his phone when he’s bored (his job involves spells of waiting around/boredom).

I understand that many men do it but personally I’d find it oddly childish and therefore couldn’t be with someone who did it.

JacquesHammer · 01/11/2019 21:04

I have no idea why people put up with this from grown men with families

What? Devoting a reasonable amount of time within a family role to a hobby without the family suffering? Yeah what bastards.

Oakmaiden · 01/11/2019 21:04

I have no idea why people put up with this from grown men with families

Are grown men with families not allowed leisure time? Or is it just playing games you object to?

Harvey3 · 01/11/2019 21:07

None, thankfully.

BarbourellaTheCoatzilla · 01/11/2019 21:07

The attitudes about gaming here are crazy.

My husband makes a living gaming. He’s also a voice actor but streaming is his most lucrative earner. He is an excellent father and partner. He is great around the house, great with both our parents and extended family.

To imply gaming is childish is ignorant.

If you have a man child that prioritises gaming, gaming isn’t the issue your choice in men in.

JessicaRarebit · 01/11/2019 21:09

Zero here. I don’t think I could ever date a gamer. He is a mamil though...

Ohyesiam · 01/11/2019 21:09

Whatever the reason it sounds like you’re not getting your needs met.
I’m not a gamer, but it’s fine for people to game. What doesn’t work In relationships is people opting out for whatever reason.

NoGravyForYou · 01/11/2019 21:10

A lot. A few hours most evenings. We've been together since teenagers and I went away to college and he didn't and was unemployed for most of that time so that didn't help. The problem was that his friendships are based around these games and for a long time he was the only one with a partner never mind a live in one. Even now only one has recently moved in with his and another is looking for a house and spending a few nights a week in hers.
We have certain tv shows that we watch on certain days and he's pretty good at sticking to it. I'm used to having the tv to myself these days, a few months back I was suffering badly with anxiety and he cut right back on the gaming and was spending almost every evening with me and I felt suffocated and told him to go and play online eventually. If I feel he's spending too much time gaming, I tell him and he cuts back. Might not work for everyone but it works for us. My only issue is how fucking loud is he is when he plays online Angry

PhilCornwall1 · 01/11/2019 21:11

Adults and gaming? Hmmm

Baldcrusader · 01/11/2019 21:12

Some of you lot sound such fun. Assuming watching TV, reading, films and other hobbies are out as well? Must be grown up and come on here to slag people off behind their backs.

Gaming is huge business with budgets in excess of most films these days. Google gta v's sales figures.

Also, 'man child'. I can only imagine the furore if a man posted the female equivalent.

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