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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many hours your DP spends playing videos games

470 replies

Cchick · 01/11/2019 19:21

Just what the title says really.

My partner spends maybe 15-20 hours a week on average (sometimes he can spend 12 full hours!) and I was wondering how many your partners spend. I mean he's playing the games with other people, so is this normal in other households too?

FYI, we don't have any children yet and we aren't married yet. I'm just very worried that if we do marry and have kids, the family would come second to gaming. Everyone says to look out for red flags and I'm wondering if this is one?

Long story short, how many hours do your partners spend gaming and has it reduced since marrying and having children?

TIA!

OP posts:
MonstranceClock · 01/11/2019 19:33

I wouldn’t marry a man who gamed.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 01/11/2019 19:34

I play video games myself.
I stopped more or less while my children were small.
Now they enjoy gaming I've got back into it and might play 1 or 2 hours most days.
Mainly because it's something the children like to do with me.
It's a way of connecting.

They're all high school age now. We do other things together but not anything we could do this frequently.

Eg last weekend I cycled a few miles with dc3.
One evening midweek I cooked with dc2.
One evening midweek dc3 had friends over and we cooked and chatted a bit.
But most days I've had about half an hour with each DC on a console or pc game.

Not at the expense of housework or my job or studying for my MSc.
Just something to do so I can zone out and have a bit of fun.
I like the achievable goals.

isabellerossignol · 01/11/2019 19:34

I don't really understand the Hmm attitude towards gaming. It's no more of a waste of time than watching a film or whatever.

Although as I said in my earlier post I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who gamed for long periods of time, or at the expense of spending time with me or the kids.

JacquesHammer · 01/11/2019 19:34

The whole games aren’t for adults nonsense is beyond foolish.

LBOCS2 · 01/11/2019 19:34

Um... maybe an hour a week, averaged out? But actually he'll play a bit for a while and then lose interest and not use the console for months at a time. He also sometimes plays with/against DSS.

I don't mind really. Unusually, I don't mind watching people playing so it doesn't annoy me.

Mightywease · 01/11/2019 19:35

He probably spends 8 to 10 hours a week, some of which is playing games with our 7 year old. I however am more likely to rack up 12 hours a week.

A lot of that time is when our son is in bed or otherwise engaged ie playing Lego in his room. We're gamers. We were before our son arrived and we still are. We make it fit in with our family but not to the detriment of the family.

CatFaceCats · 01/11/2019 19:35

Probably the same as me - approx 20. And we’re both adults Hmm
We have 2 children. We play on the evenings. It’s a hobby, no different to any other.

MidnightMystery · 01/11/2019 19:35

0 Hours

Gillian1980 · 01/11/2019 19:36

Maybe 2 or 3 hours on the weekend.... but not every weekend.
Usually he’ll go on it when I’m out as I find it quite antisocial having it on in the living room.

Fstar · 01/11/2019 19:36

Like its a fulltime job, but he cant work due to illness and it helps his mental health chatting online to people as he wont go out very far for human interaction. I dont mind mostly, he will come off if i ask him. I think for the young generation its pretty common now

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 01/11/2019 19:36

Yanbu to ask ...

Original poster
Cchick · 01/11/2019 19:37

Brideof2020 I don't know what a reasonable amount is. I understand having hobbies, and I think it's important. But I'd imagine 1 hour a night and maybe 4 on a weekend? That way there's time for us to relax together after work.

Some pps are saying their partners play after they've slept - that would be even better because then I'd feel I was prioritised too. Ah I don't even know anymore.

OP posts:
Ijumpedtheshark · 01/11/2019 19:37

None.

keo8260 · 01/11/2019 19:37

My husband is an avid gamer and the amount has gone up and down over the years. He used to play more than that each week when we dating but after marrying and children this did reduce a fair bit. We work hard to ensure we have couple time and family time each week. Now some weekends he will game alot maybe 8 hours broken over the day but others very little as we are busy with other stuff. He no longer does online gaming with other people for two reasons the first being he can't always commit to being online depending on what is going on in our life and he works back shift with long hours so isn't really around when others are. Recently we have started gaming together and it's surprising just how fast the time goes, hours feel like minutes! If you are feeling like your relationship is not being prioritised over the gaming you do need to talk to him about it and find a balance that works for both of you.

TowelNumber42 · 01/11/2019 19:38

Zero. He does spend at least an hour a day watching / reading stuff about his hobbies. He needs less sleep than me so he does it after I have gone to bed.

Your boyfriend doesn't seem awfully keen to spend time with you.

I play some video games with the children because they love it.

BuffaloCauliflower · 01/11/2019 19:39

It would have to be an average as not the same every day, but maybe a couple of hours a day? Same amount I spend reading books, listening to Radio4 documentaries and scrolling Mumsnet. It’s a different choice of relaxation/enjoyment but it’s his choice, doesn’t bother me. However I have no concerns about him choosing gaming over me or his family as you do. I think that’s a different issue. We all enjoy different pursuits, that’s his.

shinynewapple · 01/11/2019 19:40

None. We are quite 'old ' though and he spends plenty of time watching sky Sports.

DS doesn't spend much time gaming either though and he's 18. Used to play a lot as a younger teen but since he's been with his GF they either go out together or watch Netflix.

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 01/11/2019 19:41

Maybe around 10 hours a week sometimes less. It's never an issue though as I am a gamer too so it's nice to just be playing our games and enjoying each others company while listening to the celtic music podcast or an audiobook.

Unihorn · 01/11/2019 19:41

To those who spend their time partaking in wholly adult hobbies, would you mind sharing what makes gaming only for children? And what activities do you take part in that are better for us grown ups to participate in? Presumably Mahjong or Bridge are the only games deemed acceptable.

My husband used to play about an average of 5-10 hours a week pre children. Now it's about an hour a week if I take the children out, but he's more likely to be watching Netflix these days. I used to enjoy about an hour a week pre children too. Now I just do sudoku on my phone, which is probably just about adult enough to be allowed.

MoobaaMoobaa · 01/11/2019 19:42

not sure as I don't count them.

before DC we both played taking it in turns and on odd weekends would play all weekend. after DC neither of us played. We both picked it back up again a couple of years ago (DC are teens) as we both have more time.

as a pp said it's not the hobby,

As always the issue isn’t what the choice of hobby is, but if the time spent doing it becomes excessive

Aswell as gaming my other hobby is my horse.

cpjoli · 01/11/2019 19:43

Probably an hour or so in the evening and any free time at weekends. I dont see it as being any different to playing golf or going to the gym. It doesn't bother me.

BertieBotts · 01/11/2019 19:43

Most evenings he plays. Some evenings I play, some evenings I watch TV, most evenings I mess around on the internet.

He cut down when we got together and would never play for 12 hours at a time - he might have when he was younger. For him family comes first, but it is his main leisure activity once DC are in bed.

When he wants to play with friends and chat with them he lets me know in advance and we are able to talk about it - if I was finding it too much then he would do it less. When DS2 was born and his sleep was really unstable he didn't play online for a while. He only plays games he can't pause/abandon at a moment's notice when he's actually free.

It needs to be a discussion really. If it's something you have a problem with and you are assuming that he will cut down/stop/outgrow it then you need to discuss that and find out if he has the same assumptions. Video games are incredibly complex these days and really not just for kids, a lot of adults are very interested in them. But it can be boring (for me I don't see it as any more boring than any other hobby - and at least I don't feel obliged to sit in the cold and watch him play football or cycle) and it can take up a lot of time. I don't mind that we don't tend to spend evenings doing the same thing, as we are in the same room and we often stop and chat to each other. Although I might suggest we get into a weekly TV/film/game together night every so often if I miss him. We haven't done that in a while.

Some people find it addictive. That can be a problem and it can take over your lives. If your lives are ruled by the game that's a definite problem. But most important is that you have shared expectations around it really. So just talk to him - but be prepared to walk away if he doesn't have the same expectations as you.

PennyNotSoWise · 01/11/2019 19:44

Less than I do, and I'm an adult Hmm and a woman too, the horror! Shock

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 01/11/2019 19:45

Pre DS anywhere between 2-10 hours depending if I was working different times to him or had plans or just wanted to read a book, if I was away for work I would imagine a lot more, but it never interfered with anything. Since DS his lovingly self built gaming pc just gathers dust and hasn't been switched on for at least six months

user1480880826 · 01/11/2019 19:45

None. He’s a grownup.

It’s not right that you’re eating, sleeping and watching TV by yourself because he’s playing games.

I wouldn’t have children with a man child.