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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many hours your DP spends playing videos games

470 replies

Cchick · 01/11/2019 19:21

Just what the title says really.

My partner spends maybe 15-20 hours a week on average (sometimes he can spend 12 full hours!) and I was wondering how many your partners spend. I mean he's playing the games with other people, so is this normal in other households too?

FYI, we don't have any children yet and we aren't married yet. I'm just very worried that if we do marry and have kids, the family would come second to gaming. Everyone says to look out for red flags and I'm wondering if this is one?

Long story short, how many hours do your partners spend gaming and has it reduced since marrying and having children?

TIA!

OP posts:
mamandematribu · 02/11/2019 08:55

Sorry , comment regarding dc and not dh. Dh plays a bit of an online game each day. Not sure how long though. He helps out
With the dc / house work when necessary so I don't mind

cherryblossomgin · 02/11/2019 08:57

We are both gamers in my house, I spent 30 hours a week and DH probably the same. It's our chill time DH has the playstation and I have my PC. But we are in the same room and still have a level of communication during that time. I think it works because we both enjoy it. We have no kids and are in our 30s. I can spend 12 hours in one sitting easily but I make sure the house is clean and I've nothing else to do.

Palegreenstars · 02/11/2019 08:58

@mamandematribu is your DH not really obese, lazy and with no imagination then?

HenSolo · 02/11/2019 08:59

Yes can we get a response from one of the ‘None he’s an adult’ people as to why gaming is for children and not grown ups? I’ve seen a lot of very concise posts about the merits of gaming (which I agree with personally) but none that actually explain what is wrong with gaming (I understand when it becomes an obsession but that is not restricted to just gaming)

So come on, use your words

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 02/11/2019 09:00

Palegreenstars :o

HenSolo · 02/11/2019 09:00

Computer and console type games are actually banned in our house as they destroy the imagination and encourage obesity/laziness.

I assume tv is banned too?

Saying they destroy the imagination is weird - you clearly have never played a game?

Unihorn · 02/11/2019 09:02

@ChilledBee what are us women like eh! Do your children ever sleep or leave the house so that your husband is able to pursue a hobby or interest? Or does he dedicate 24 hours a day to their "nurturing and positive development"?

isabellerossignol · 02/11/2019 09:04

I assume tv is banned too?

And books Grin

AloeVeraLynn · 02/11/2019 09:05

I can spend 12 hours in one sitting easily
I don't understand how anyone can argue that this is okay and compare it to watching a film. Sitting your bum down in front of a game for 12 hours is ridiculous and unhealthy. What a waste of life.

StreetwiseHercules · 02/11/2019 09:08

I have 2 young kids and that means of course that I have little time for gaming. The little I do is maybe half an hour of FIFA a couple of nights a week when everyone else is in bed.

I cannot get my head around guys with partners who still manage to spend huge amounts of time on it.

Mostly I’m so knackered when it all stops that I go for something passive like Netflix or whatever. Just don’t have the mental energy or bandwidth to get immersed in any game.

That said, I look forward to my kids getting into it. Something I will definitely do with them. Video games are good for children, they help with resilience and in developing problem solving skills.

FlamingoAndJohn · 02/11/2019 09:08

Spending hours sitting still not talking to other people and immersed in a fantasy world of someone else’s creation clearly isn’t good. It’s done by children from 4 year old up and teenagers never seem to stop. Often I’ve found husband staying up late to finish a bit off and getting up early to get some more on before work. He even does it in bed and in the bath.
Oh wait......that’s reading.
It’s gaming that’s bad isn’t it.

LonginesPrime · 02/11/2019 09:10

Computer and console type games are actually banned in our house as they destroy the imagination and encourage obesity/laziness.

I can see why you wouldn't want a 6 year old playing video games all the time, but I learned a lot from gaming as a child/teen and think that gaming actually increased my creativity and problem-solving skills.

I was never really into shootemups but I liked platform games, building games, business strategy ones, adventure, racing and puzzle games.

My teen DC play games (not to excess) and, like TV, they can be enriching provided they're not being used as avoidance or to feed an addiction.

SandAndSeals · 02/11/2019 09:10

I don't understand how anyone can argue that this is okay and compare it to watching a film. Sitting your bum down in front of a game for 12 hours is ridiculous and unhealthy. What a waste of life.

I think everyone has quite clearly said that it’s not about the actual hobby - it’s the time that’s spent that’s the issue. And I can easily compare that to watching TV - I’m pretty sure we all know someone who has ‘binge watched’ a new show in one sitting. I have also spent 12 hours reading a book in the past when I’ve been really engrossed. I doubt you’d be as repulsed by that!

Aragog · 02/11/2019 09:11

None. He has never been into video games even as a teen.

StreetwiseHercules · 02/11/2019 09:11

“ Computer and console type games are actually banned in our house as they destroy the imagination and encourage obesity/laziness.”

Utterly warped. I feel for your kids.

I guess books are banned too. And art. And music.

Embarrassing.

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 02/11/2019 09:13

Oh I hate all the 'we are grown ups' replies for gaming. I never knew gaming was limited to children, especially considering the creators of the games are all adult Hmm

It's just a viable hobby as anything, and I don't see people getting snooty about films and tv, which is just another way of immersion into another world. I'd far rather my child grow up to respect and appreciate gaming worlds than something as banal as reality tv or soaps Grin

ExDP was a gamer and could spend a couple of hours in the evening after dinner/kids in bed. If he had a day off without children about he could easily sink 4/5 hours, after going to the gym. I don't game that much but have been known to do it on occasions if the game takes me. DSS is a gamer like most 10 year olds, so we played a lot together on the Lego games. DS is 3 so isn't really aware or bothered by it.

cherryblossomgin · 02/11/2019 09:13

@AloeVeraLynn On a rainy day it's not a waste. I work 15 hour shifts and have a monthly contract so can work 5 days one week and then have 5 days off. I get up early and do my housework. I also take breaks to cook and move. I play casual games so can get up and leave it. I also visit family twice a week.

darkriver19886 · 02/11/2019 09:16

I don't have a partner and am a bit Confused at the comments of people saying none he's an adult. I am a gamer and spend all spare time playing .

I have no children or responsibility.

HenSolo · 02/11/2019 09:19

@FlamingoAndJohn you got me there Grin

SimonJT · 02/11/2019 09:20

@mamandematribu Really? I know a lot of people with consoles, none are lazy. I do however know a lot of people who have banned consoles for similar reasons to you, yet they spend hours a week on the internet and watching TV instead of exercising and experiencing new things.

I play my xbox or switch most days, I also did when I was a semi pro rugby player. I exercise for at least 45 minutes per day. I have a standing desk at work (my choice), I have a very good imagination as well, which is needed for many open world games. I average 15,000 steps on a work day, more on the average weekend. I run at least 5k every saturday in around 17 minutes.

If anyone thinks a gamer is lazy and they themself watch TV/spend time on the internet/sit for more than two hours at a time then they are most definitely lazy.

It isn’t about playing a game, watching TV, using the internet. It’s about being sat on your arse. Gaming isn’t childish, neither are soaps etc. But a lack of activity is problematic.

motherheroic · 02/11/2019 09:33

All of the smug 'He's an adult' posters sound like absolute twats.

Jane1727 · 02/11/2019 09:36

None

ChilledBee · 02/11/2019 09:40

Do your children ever sleep or leave the house so that your husband is able to pursue a hobby or interest? Or does he dedicate 24 hours a day to their "nurturing and positive development"?

If you read both my posts, you'd see that both hubby and I game. We really love Call of Duty (new one recently came out!). My point was that whatever the hobby or job or whatever, if your partner doesn't prioritise your family over that thing, it will always take precedence. My husband is an avid gamer and gym goer and MMA person, but most importantly, he wants a loving relationship with his children. Therefore, he puts them first without me having to set rules around gaming or gym stuff. He meticulously arranges his life so he can fit those things in despite being an active and involved parent. I don't police that. He does. Because it is what he genuinely wants.

30not13 · 02/11/2019 09:42

In this household I am the DP who plays video games. Usually for an hour a day after work to distress while the DC play upstairs and before he gets home. It doesn't affect family life in any way. It is perfectly possible to be a sensible adult gamer with a family. If you want to that is...

ChilledBee · 02/11/2019 09:45

I also bet some people criticising gamers are on level eleventy billion on Candy Crush.